Between Hello and Goodbye(95)

Asher picked me up at the airport the following afternoon. He gathered me in his arms and pulled me close. I loved that he always hugged me before he kissed me, as if reacquainting himself with my presence was more important than anything.

I melted into his arms and then he kissed me deeply, slipping his hand down to my rounded belly. “How is everyone?”

“Oh, we’re all great,” I said with a smile.

The whole bunch of us.

I nearly told him right then and there but heroically restrained myself. Asher was not a big fan of public displays of emotion in the middle of crowded airports.

“How is everyone over here?” I asked as we made our way to baggage claim.

“Great. Kal got an A-plus on his math test. A-plus. Boy’s smart as hell.”

“And the Peanut?”

“Perfect. She’s the perfect baby,” he said fiercely, the love flowing out of him, unfiltered.

“Not so much a baby anymore,” I said. “I don’t want to miss another day, or the next thing I know, she’ll be starting high school.”

“Pretty sure that’s going to happen anyway.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Paula Harold retired from nursing shortly after Alani was born. With her boys all grown up—some moving off the island—and her house empty, she offered to be our nanny. The timing could not have been more perfect. She moved into one of the spare bedrooms to take care of Kal and Peanut when I was away on business and Asher worked his long shifts. And more than being a nanny savior, she became yet another best friend to me, someone I could confide in and laugh with.

It was as if there’d been a violent storm that disrupted everything, wrecked Kal and Asher’s lives and left them like debris washed up on the shore. And mine too, a little. But slowly, over time, we rebuilt a life from the one that had been blown apart. Kal was a quiet boy, but his grief counselors told us he was doing well. He spoke a lot with Momi, which was its own kind of therapy. I saw more moments of joy in that sweet little boy than grief. More and more every day.

In the car, Asher drove a lot slower than his usual breakneck speed due to my delicate condition.

“How did the meeting go?” he asked.

“Nailed it,” I said. “They signed the same day.”

Without taking his eyes off the road, Asher offered up a high five. “That’s my sugar mama. Bringing home the big bucks.”

I laughed. “Yeah, well, it’s going to be a lot of work. Late nights and long weekends.”

“But you stay home, right?” he asked and moved his palm to my rounding belly. “No more travel?”

“No more travel,” I said, covering his hand with mine. “Because I know how my man wants me—barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.”

He made a face. “God no, not the kitchen.”

I laughed and swatted his arm. “I burned one dinner.”

“Try four.”

I fixed him with a dark glare and when he glanced over at me, we both laughed. I took his hand and kissed it, then put it back on my stomach, smiling to myself.



At the house, I breathed in the warm ocean air and let out a sigh of relief. The energy was just so different here—quieter yet humming with life at the same time. I felt more at peace every day when I never thought that would be possible.

I looked out over the yard. Momi was in her chair on the lanai with Paula sitting next to her, the two women chatting and laughing. They both watched Kaleo sit in the tall grass with Alani. He pointed out different bugs and watched her squeal with laughter when a ladybug landed on her chubby little hand. Lately, he’d taken to introducing her as his “little sister” which never failed to make Asher and I choke up.

“So beautiful,” I murmured.

“The most beautiful,” Asher said, but his eyes were on me. I leaned over and kissed him and nearly told him then—again—but something told me to wait. Not to mention, I couldn’t wait one more second to get to my kids. I greeted Paula and Momi, exchanging hugs and kisses, then hurried down into the yard.

“Mama!” Alani shrieked and came toddling toward me as fast as she could, her blond, wispy curls floating out around her like a halo.

“Holy crap, my heart’s going to explode,” I murmured just as she reached me. I scooped her up and smattered kisses all over her chubby cheeks. “Hello, baby. Have you been a good girl? Oh my gosh, I missed you so much.”

Kaleo joined us. He was nearly eleven now and getting so tall. “She was about to eat a ladybug, but I stopped her.”

“My hero. I’m sure the ladybug thanks you, too.” I set Alani on my hip and pulled Kal to me for a hug and kiss to his forehead, then ruffled his hair. “I missed you. Why are you getting so big? Stop it.”

“I missed you too,” he said and wrapped his arms around me and then briefly, awkwardly, patted my stomach. “It’s bigger already!”

Just wait…

“Is it? No, I had a big lunch.”

He laughed and a thought crossed my mind, one that I’d been having more and more.

We’re all going to be okay.



The sun sank slowly while Asher grilled hamburgers. Paula had made a pasta salad and my contribution was to put ketchup and mustard on the table. We sat down to dinner that was full of easy talk and laughter, and Peanut fell asleep on my lap, her soft curls brushing my chin.