Between Hello and Goodbye(31)

Damn him.

I grabbed my bowl and turned as far away from him as my outstretched leg would allow and dug into my shave ice. I ate too fast and—because that’s how this day was going—promptly gave myself brain freeze. I set down my bowl with a curse to find Asher watching me, eyebrows raised.

“Better?”

“No.”

He snorted a laugh. “What gives, Faith?”

I rubbed my temples. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I thought leaving was giving up but staying is stupid.”

“Pushing yourself too hard is stupid. You could wind up hurting yourself worse.”

“Given this trip so far, I’m pretty sure I’m about to be struck by lightning.” I poked my spoon into cherry slush. “What are you doing here? Staking out the shave ice stand, waiting for me?”

“Yes. I spent all day watching from the car with binoculars,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I told you, I live here. Well…close to.”

“Not here? Princeville?” I flapped my hand. “Forget it. You don’t want to tell me. You don’t want me to know you have money.”

“What are you talking about? I never said—”

“You didn’t have to say anything. When Morgan mentioned your beach house it was pretty clear you wished he hadn’t. And it’s fine, I get it. You probably think I’d just try to use you for your dough like I used Silas.”

“I don’t think that, Faith,” Asher said in a low tone. “I have my reasons for keeping my shit private and they have nothing to do with you.”

“How you keep showing up for me…taking care of me. I never asked for that.”

“I know, that’s on me,” he said, toying with his spoon. “Morgan’s always bitching at me for the same thing.” He tossed his spoon down. “But helping someone out isn’t the worst thing in the world I could be doing.”

“It’s not,” I said with a sigh. “It’s just bad timing. Here I am trying to be more independent and I’m completely helpless.”

“You’re not completely helpless, but whatever you’re looking for…maybe you’re looking in the wrong place.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you’re not supposed to be doing this by yourself.”

“That was the original plan.”

“Plans change,” he said, gesturing at my ankle. “You need to decide if you want to be partner at your ad firm, right?”

“Right.”

He shrugged. “So maybe just set that decision aside and just…be. And when your trip is up, ask yourself again and see what you think.”

I made a circle of slush in my shave ice bowl. “Ten days is an awfully long time for someone in my predicament. What am I supposed to do with myself?”

Asher looked out over the little town. “I have four twelves coming up, then four more days off.” He turned his gaze to me. “My shifts start at four a.m. and end at four p.m.”

“At which point you’ll be tired. Asher, I can’t…”

He held up his hand. “Do you want to go back to Seattle right now? Don’t think, just answer.”

“No,” I said. “I’m not ready.”

“So here’s what you do. I have one last day off. You chill and keep your foot up, and I’ll keep you company. Then for the next four days, I’ll come by after work and take you out—help you get out in the evening,” he corrected. “When my shifts are over, and I have time off again, we can see where you’re at. No doubt you’ll be in better shape to explore the island, with or without me.”

Without Asher…

Already those words were giving me chills. Which was bad. I didn’t get attached. I didn’t catch feelings. I didn’t let my emotions become tangled up in a man, mostly because I never spent time with one longer than a night or two.

“Silas Marsh, my gay fake fiancé, was the longest relationship I’ve ever had,” I blurted.

Asher’s fist flew to his mouth, choking on a bite of shave ice. “Okay.”

“That actually lasted a few months. He’s high profile, so I didn’t mess around with anyone else lest I be discovered ‘cheating’ on him.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you should know that’s how terrible I am with relationships. As in, I don’t have them.”

“I don’t either.”

“And I’m leaving in ten days, so it isn’t a good idea to try to flex those atrophied muscles with you.”

“I don’t disagree.”

“And not being physical is one of my hard and fast rules. I don’t know what I’m trying to do here but I do know that I need to keep my hands to myself and focus on me. If I sleep with anyone, it’d be like falling off the wagon.”

“Noted,” Asher said. He shot me an arch smile. “But if you do want to fall off the wagon, I volunteer as enabler.”

I tossed my napkin at him. “Don’t tempt me, firefighter. But I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“You’ve already given up free time for me. Why keep doing it?” I gestured at my sweaty, tired, bum-ankle-self sprawled on the bench. “I mean, I get it. I’ve never looked better…”