Best Kept Secrets(163)
has a tough time showing affection, and an even tougher time
of accepting it. As old as he is, he's still bitter about his
mama up and leaving him when he was a baby."
"Is that why he found it impossible to forgive Celina for
getting involved with Al Gaither and having me?"
"I think so. He tried not to let on like it hurt him. Walked
around here with a chip on his shoulder as big as Texas. He
hid his feelings behind that I-don't-give-a-damn veneer, but
he was crushed just the same. I could tell. He didn't hold it
against you, you understand, but he could never quite forgive
your mother for cheating on him."
"What about Junior?"
"Junior couldn't forgive her for loving Reede more than
she loved him."
"But neither one of them killed her." She met him eye to
eye. "It was you, wasn't it?"
He stood up and moved to the window. He gazed out on
all that he had built from nothing and was liable to lose. The
ponderous silence in the room lasted for several minutes.
Finally, he said, "No, I didn't." Then, turning slowly, he
added, "But I wanted to."
"Why?"
"Your mother played games, Alex. She liked to. When I
first met her, she was still a little tomboyish. Things might
have gone fine if she'd stayed like that. But she grew older
and realized that she had a power over both of those boys--
sexual power. She began to use that in her games."
Alex's heart began to ache. She scarcely breathed. It was
like watching a horror movie and waiting for the monster to
finally rear his head. She wanted to see the whole picture,
but yet, she didn't. It would probably be ugly.
"I could see it happening," Angus was saying, "but there
wasn't much I could do about it. She played them against
each other."
His words echoed what Nora Gail had told her. The temptation
was just too strong.
"The older they got, the worse it got," Angus continued.
"The solid friendship between the boys was like a shiny
apple. Celina ate away at the core of it like a worm. I didn't
like her very much." He returned to the sofa and sat down.
"But I desired her."
When Alex was sure her ears hadn't deceived her, she
couldn't hold back her gasp. "What?"
Angus smiled crookedly. "Remember, this was twenty-five
years and thirty pounds ago. I didn't have this," he said,
rubbing his protruding belly, "and I had more hair. If I do
say so, I was still considered a lady-killer."
"It's not that I doubt your appeal, Angus, it's just that I
had no idea--"
"Neither did anyone else. It was my little secret. Even she
didn't know . . . until the night she died."
Alex groaned his name. The monster of truth wasn't only
ugly, it was hideous.
"Junior stormed out on his way to drown his sorrows in
booze. Celina came into this room. She sat right there, where
you're sitting now, and cried. She told me she didn't know
what to do. She loved Reede in a way she'd never love another
man. She loved Junior, but not enough to marry him. She
didn't know how she was going to raise you alone. Every
time she looked at you, she was reminded of the mistake that
had changed her future forever.
"On and on she went, expecting me to sympathize, when
all I could see was what a selfish little bitch she was. She'd
brought all her hardships on herself. She didn't give a damn
how she hurt other people or played with their lives. She only
cared about how things affected her."
He shook his head with self-derision. "That didn't stop
me from wanting her. I wanted her more than ever. I think
I justified it to myself because I figured she deserved no better
than lust from a horny old man like me." He took a deep
breath. "Anyway, I made my pitch."
"You told her you . . . desired her?"
"I didn't come right out with it, no. I offered to set her
up in a house out of town, someplace close. I told her I'd
pay for everything. She wouldn't have to lift a finger, just
be accommodating when I could come see her. I expected
her to bring you along, of course, and Mrs. Graham, too,
though I doubt your grandma would ever have agreed to it.
In short," he concluded, "I asked her to be my mistress."
"What did she say?"
"Not a goddamn thing. She just looked at me for several
seconds, and then she burst out laughing." His eyes chilled
Alex to the bone when he added raspily, "And you know
how I hate having my ideas laughed at.''
"You filthy old son of a bitch."
Simultaneously, they turned toward the intrusive voice.
Junior, his face contorted with outrage, was standing in the