Behind Closed Doors(15)
‘It’s all right,’ I said quickly. ‘It’s not your fault.’
‘I should have held on to her more tightly,’ he went on desperately, running his hand through his hair. ‘I should have remembered that steps aren’t always easy for her.’
‘I don’t like the way her leg is bent,’ Dad said quietly. ‘It looks as if it’s broken.’
‘Oh God,’ I moaned.
‘Look, she’s coming round.’ Mum took Millie’s hand in hers.
‘It’s all right, Millie,’ I murmured as she began to stir. ‘It’s all right.’
The ambulance arrived in minutes. I wanted to go to the hospital with her but Mum and Dad told me they would go, reminding me that I was meant to be getting married.
‘I can’t get married now,’ I sobbed, as Millie was carried into the ambulance.
‘Of course you can,’ said Mum briskly. ‘Millie’s going to be fine.’
‘She has a broken leg,’ I wept. ‘And maybe other injuries we don’t know about.’
‘I won’t blame you if you want to call it off,’ Jack said quietly.
‘It’s just that I don’t see how we can go ahead with everything when we don’t even know how badly injured Millie is.’
The paramedics were wonderful. Understanding what a difficult situation I was in, they examined Millie as thoroughly as they could in the ambulance and told me that apart from her leg there didn’t seem to be any other broken bones and that if I wanted to carry on with my wedding, they were sure my parents would keep me informed of any developments. They also pointed out that as soon as Millie arrived at the hospital, she would be whisked away for X-rays so I wouldn’t be able to stay with her anyway. Still torn, I looked over to where Jack was standing talking quietly to Adam and the look of desolation on his face decided me. I clambered into the ambulance and kissed a drowsy Millie goodbye. After promising I would go and see her the next morning, I gave my parents Jack’s mobile number, because mine was in my case, and asked them to let me know as soon as they had any news.
‘Are you sure you still want to go ahead?’ Jack asked anxiously, once the ambulance had left. ‘I don’t suppose anyone particularly feels like celebrating after what’s happened to Millie. Maybe we should wait until we know that she’s definitely going to be all right.’
I looked at our guests, who were milling about, needing to know if our wedding was still taking place or not. ‘I think they’ll be fine with it if we are.’ I turned him to face me. ‘Jack, do you still want to get married?’
‘Of course I do, more than anything. But, ultimately, it’s your decision.’
‘Then let’s get married. It’s what Millie would want,’ I lied, because I knew Millie wouldn’t understand why we had gone ahead and got married without her. The feeling that I was betraying her made fresh tears well in my eyes and I blinked them away quickly so that Jack wouldn’t see, hoping I’d never have to choose between him and Millie again.
Everyone was delighted that we were getting married after all and when Mum phoned a couple of hours later to tell us that Millie was fine apart from a broken leg, I felt weak with relief. I wanted to cut the reception short and go to see her that evening, but Mum said that she was sleeping soundly and, with the painkillers the doctor had given her, she wasn’t expected to wake until the following morning anyway. She added that she intended to stay at the hospital overnight, so I told her that Jack and I would stop off to see Millie the next morning, on the way to the airport.
Although I managed to enjoy myself for the rest of the evening, I was glad when the last of our guests had left and Jack and I were finally on our way to our hotel. Because Jack’s car was still in London, Moira and Giles had lent us one of theirs so that we could get to the airport the next day and back to Spring Eaton when we returned from Thailand. With a garage full of cars, they insisted that they didn’t need it and said we could drop it back whenever we had time.
When we arrived at the hotel where we were to spend our wedding night, I went straight to the bathroom and ran myself a hot bath, leaving Jack to pour himself a whisky while he waited for me. As I lay in the bath, my mind turned again and again to Millie, and I couldn’t help being glad that the day was finally over. With the water beginning to get cold, I got out and dried myself hurriedly, eager to see Jack’s face when he saw me in the cream silk camisole and knickers I’d bought specially for our wedding night. I slipped them on and, with a shiver of anticipation, opened the door and walked into the bedroom.
PRESENT
On the way home in the car from seeing Millie, I mention to Jack that I’m going to have to phone Diane sometime before Friday to tell her that I can’t make lunch with her and Esther.
‘On the contrary, I think you should go,’ he says. Because he’s said the same thing many times before I know it doesn’t mean anything. ‘After all, you’ve already cancelled twice.’ Even those words aren’t enough to get my hopes up. But on Friday morning, when he tells me to put on my prettiest dress, I can’t help wondering if the moment I’ve been waiting for has finally come. My mind races so far ahead that I have to remind myself firmly of all the other times I’ve ended up disappointed. Even when I get into the car beside Jack, I still don’t let myself believe that it might happen. But when we drive all the way into town I can’t help but believe it, and I begin to plot feverishly, terrified that I’ll let the moment slip through my fingers. It’s only when Jack parks the car in the road outside the restaurant and gets out that I realise how deluded I’ve been.