Before We Were Yours(66)

“Don’t bother denying it. Shame. Shame on you. Shame on you for your lies. I’ve provided you with so much more than river lice like you deserve. Well, let’s see how you feel after you have some time alone to consider the error of your ways.” She pushes me down hard, and I fall backward over the cot. Before I can get up, she’s grabbed Fern.

My sister screeches and tries to reach for me.

“Don’t!” I shout, scrambling to my feet. “You’re hurting her!”

“You’re lucky I don’t do worse. Perhaps we should make her pay for your crimes?” Mrs. Murphy shoves me out of the way as she passes by. “Give me any more trouble, and we will.”

I want to fight, but I don’t let myself. I know that if I do, I’ll only be hurting Fern. “Be good,” I tell my little sister. “Be a good girl.”

The last thing I see is her feet sliding across a spill of coal dust as Mrs. Murphy drags her out the door. The lock turns, and I listen to Fern’s cries getting farther and farther away. Finally, they’re gone altogether.

I fall on the cot and grab the blanket that still holds the warm spots from Fern and me and cry until there’s not a tear left and all I can do is stare at the ceiling.

I wait all day, but nobody comes back for me. I open the cellar window and hear the kids playing outside. The sun goes high, then works its way west. Eventually, there’s the dinner bell.

After a while, the ceiling timbers rattle as everyone marches upstairs for bed.

I’m hungry and thirsty, but mostly I just want Fern. They won’t make her sleep someplace else, will they? Because of what I said?

But they do.

After the house goes quiet, I lay down again. My stomach growls and hurts like a rat’s been chewing at it from the inside. My throat feels like someone’s scratched it raw.

I sleep, and wake, and sleep, and wake.

In the morning, Mrs. Pulnik comes and brings me a pail of water and a ladle. “Drink only small portions. You will be seeingk no one for some time. You will be on restrictions.”

It’s three more days before she brings food. I’m so hungry, I’ve started eating the peppermints Riggs slips under the door, even though I hate myself for it.

One day runs into the next, and the next, and the next. I read all the way through to the end of Huckleberry Finn, where Huck decides he’d rather run off to Indian Territory than be adopted.

I close my eyes and pretend I’m running off to Indian Territory too. I have a big, pretty red horse, with white socks and a blaze, like Tony the Wonder Horse and Tom Mix. My horse is faster than anything, and we just run, and run, and run.

I start the book over again, and I’m back in Missouri on the shores of the big river. I travel along on Huckleberry Finn’s raft to pass the days.

At night, when the branches blow around, I watch out the window, looking for Zede, or Silas, or Briny under the streetlamp. Once when it’s windy, I see them standing there. A woman is with them. She’s too stout to be Queenie. I think it’s Miss Dodd.

Just as quick as they’re there, they’re gone again. I wonder if maybe I’m going soft in the head.

Mrs. Pulnik comes and takes my book away and tells me I got Mrs. Murphy in trouble with the bookmobile ladies. She calls me a thief and smacks me hard across the face for not reminding her that I still had the library’s property.

I’m not sure how I’ll get by without Huckleberry Finn.

I worry about Fern and how she’s making out upstairs all on her own.

Days and days and days pass by. I lose count of how many, but it’s a long time before Mrs. Pulnik finally takes me out of the room and brings me up to Mrs. Murphy’s office. I stink almost as bad as the slop pot, and my hair’s knotted in a big, dirty wad. The light upstairs is so bright, I stumble around and bump into things and have to feel my way.

Mrs. Murphy is just a blurry shadow behind the desk. I squint to see her better, and then I realize it’s not Mrs. Murphy. It’s Miss Tann. Mrs. Murphy is standing behind her by the window.

Mrs. Pulnik shoves me forward. My legs buckle, and I fall hard on my knees. Mrs. Pulnik grabs a handful of dress and hair and holds me there.

Miss Tann stands up and leans over the desk. “I think that is exactly where you belong. On your knees, begging forgiveness for all the trouble you’ve caused. For all the lies you’ve told about poor Mrs. Murphy. You are a wretched, ungrateful little thing, aren’t you?”

“Y-yes’m,” I squeak out in a whisper. I’d say almost anything to get out of that room.

Mrs. Murphy rams her fists into her hips. “Telling lies about my cousin. Lurid, horrible little…”

“Tssst!” Miss Tann lifts a hand, and Mrs. Murphy clamps her mouth shut. “Oh, I think May knows what she’s done. I think she was just looking for attention. Is that the problem with you, May? Are you looking for attention?”

I don’t know what to say, so I kneel there with my guts trembling and my chin quivering. Mrs. Pulnik shoves me harder into the floor. Pain shoots down from the roots of my hair and up from my knees. Tears build inside me, but I can’t let them show.

“Answer me!” Miss Tann’s voice fills the room like a thunderclap. She limps around the desk and stands over me with her finger wagging in my face. Her eyes are the cold gray of a winter storm.