Beautiful Graves(80)

“Holy shit, dude, you got hot!” Clayton exclaims as he shoulder-bumps me.

“Hey! Shut your trap. I’m right here.” Renn pushes him with a scowl.

“Yeah, Ever. You look great. Tragedy really agrees with you.” Tim snickers.

Renn punches his arm. Hard. “Cut it out, dipshit.”

Ryland sighs. “Excuse them. They don’t know how to human properly.”

I wave him off. “I don’t take offense.”

“No, but seriously, sorry about your fiancé.” Clayton makes a face.

I wonder how these guys would react if they knew what Dom had done. If they knew the whole story.

I smile. “Actually, I’m starting to feel better.”

“Good, it’ll help when you get your ass wiped by us,” Clayton says helpfully. “I’m sure you’re a little rusty.”

“I’ll wipe the floor with y’all,” I say cheerfully. “But if shit talk makes you feel better, have at it.”

Clayton elbows Renn. “Why’d you say she was depressed? She seems like her usual smart-ass self to me.”

They’re not treating me with kid gloves, and I like it.

A minute later, we all charge into the waves. Our feet slap the wet sand as we gain momentum. We’re cutting through the air. I’m a newly hatched baby turtle, rushing to the ocean to increase my chance of surviving a predator. My lungs open. My limbs loosen. Muscle memory reminds me who I was, who I am, who I’m meant to be. My body hits the cold water, and suddenly, I am sobered up. I’m clearheaded.

I’m alive.

A roar escapes from my mouth. Euphoria rushes over me. The simple, intense joy of being alive, and healthy and well, in this endless ocean, in one of the best cities in the world, robs me of my breath.

You’re home now, Mom whispers somewhere inside me. Relax. Smile. Enjoy this.

I slide my body across the surfboard. I snap my eyes shut. The boys are shouting back and forth next to me.

“Don’t steal my wave, asshole.”

“Your ass is so out of shape.”

“Hey, man, is your sister okay?”

In this moment in time, I am more than okay. I actually believe that it will be okay. That I will overcome the loss of Mom, and the loss of Dom.

But that maybe I don’t have to lose other people who are still here on this earth. Maybe I’m not so horrible and cursed.

That’s how I make the decision that it is time to apologize to Joe.



On our drive back home, Renn pops open two cans of LaCroix and hands me one. We’re both damp and shivering, even though we are not cold. Adrenaline zings through my veins. My body needed this reminder that it is still functioning. Capable.

Renn doesn’t say anything. I know he doesn’t want to reopen the subject of his not-girlfriend, but I can’t stop myself. I clear my throat before I tell him what I haven’t told anyone other than Joe. Not even Nora.

“Dom . . . he had a girlfriend.”

“What?” Renn snorts out. “Like, you stole him from someone else?”

I shake my head. “He was two-timing us. I didn’t know about her. They were together for three years.”

“The bastard,” Renn spits out, thunderous. “How’d you find out?”

“At the hospital, when I rushed to see how he was doing. She was there too.”

“That’s some bullshit!” he says. I’m glad he is mad. Because I’m about to turn the situation around on him in half a second.

“What would you have done if he’d made it? Would you have stuck with him?” Renn asks.

I’ve asked myself that question a million times in the past few weeks. The answer was always different. “No, I don’t think I would have. I mean, I’d have stuck around to take care of him, to nurse him back to health. But not as his girlfriend.”

“Well, you’re more charitable than I am, that’s for sure. How could you mourn him after this bullshit?” Renn raises his voice. “That’s fucked.”

“Just because he turned out to be a questionable person doesn’t mean I should be one.” I twist the engagement ring on my finger. Yes, I’m still wearing it. No, I have no idea why. “But now, see why I don’t want that for you?”

Renn groans, then closes his eyes once we reach a red traffic light. “It’s not the same.”

“I don’t want you in this situation. I don’t want this on your conscience, or on your karma. This could come back to bite you when you least expect it.”

“It’s really casual. We’re all about the fun.”

“Have fun with single women. I’ll be your first cheerleader. I promise.”

“Single women want more.”

“Not all of them,” I point out. “You know, you are resistible to some people. Not many, but some.”

Finally, Renn throws his arms in the air. “Fine. Fine. I’ll break it off. God, you suck. Go back to Salem.”

“I think I’m going to stick around for a while.”

Renn turns to me and grins. “Actually, I’m really glad to hear that. You know who else is going to be happy to know that?”

I turn to look at him.

“Pippa.”