Beautiful Graves(45)

I draw a gravestone.

For Mom.



When Nora comes home a day later, I tell her about the whole Joe-is-Seph debacle.

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.” Nora waves her hands frantically in front of my face. We’re on the couch. Loki is in my lap, purring like a broken laundry machine. I am 55 percent sure my roommate is either drunk or completely hungover and not in a state to digest all the information I’ve just thrown at her. She is currently holding her head, presumably to keep it from exploding.

“You’re telling me that the mysterious Graves brother, Seph, is actually Joe? Your Joe? And that he’s been living in Salem all along?”

I nod, watching her closely for a reaction.

“Damn, Ever! You are so unlucky!”

I don’t like her reaction. Which is okay. Nora is entitled to say whatever is on her mind. I’m the one who volunteered this information. But I cannot help but miss Pippa. Pippa has a knack for always knowing what to say. She’d know what to do. She’d take charge and give me an in-depth analysis, followed by step-by-step instructions on what to do. But I cut all ties with her after Mom died. Not that she had anything to do with it. I was too ashamed, too embarrassed, too unworthy to keep in touch with her.

“Okay, sorry, that was totally insensitive.” Nora pats my shoulder. “What I mean is, as much as I’m impressed by how you found each other after all these years, I’m sure you know you can’t be with him, right? With Joe, I mean.”

She looks me in the eye to make sure I don’t get any crazy ideas.

I look sideways and chuckle. “Of course not. What am I, insane?”

“Phew.” Nora wipes imaginary sweat from her forehead. “Because you need to stay with Dom. I mean, any girl would be lucky to have Dom, but you two seem especially good together. He gets you. You complete one another.”

The problem with listening to Nora’s advice is that I’m no longer sure if she is giving it to better my life or her own. I know how convenient it would be if Dom asked me to move in with him tomorrow morning. Which he might, by the looks of things.

“I mean . . . sometimes I wonder, you know.” I put it out there, in the universe.

“Wonder about what?” She angles her head.

“About Dom and me. If we’re really that good together, or if it’s just because we’re so . . .” Desperate to love someone. Anyone. I need Dom because he fills my life, so loving him is easy. He is my lifeline. As for why he picked me—I’m still not completely sure about that.

“Of course you’re good together. Do you think I don’t wonder about other guys every now and then? Because I do. All the time. But ultimately, Colt is the entire package for me.”

Yes, I want to say. But that’s the thing about relationships. Experience may vary.

“I don’t know if he’s the one,” I say, because it’s the honest-to-God truth. Especially now.

“Well, do you love him?” Nora asks.

“Yeah, of course.”

“And is the sex good?”

“The sex is great.”

“Do you think he’ll be a good dad?” Nora fires her questions in dazzling speed.

“Dom? He’s going to be perfect. A T-ball-coach type of dad.”

“Then there you have it. He’s the one. Final verdict.”

I don’t think it’s that simple, but I have a feeling Nora and I will be going in circles for eternity if I continue questioning my feelings. She is firmly on Team Dover (Dom and Ever). Loki jumps from my lap, heading for his bowl. Nora sighs dreamingly.

“What?” I look at her more closely now, noticing for the first time that she is not drunk nor hungover. She is glowing. Her smile is big enough to fit a banana into. Horizontally.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” She waves her hand in my face again—for the sixth time since she got in the door, actually—and I finally see it. The big, glaring, shiny diamond ring twinkling on her engagement finger.

I let out an ear-piercing shriek, and we both jump on the couch in unison, holding hands. Words fly in the air like confetti. Oh my God and Show me the ring again and You’re going to be a perfect bride and How did he do it?

It takes us ten minutes to stop crying and hugging and gasping at the huge diamond Colt chose for her. She tells me that it happened over the Christmas holiday. That she had begun unwrapping all her gifts, and Colt made her open the smallest one last. Her parents recorded the entire thing. And she and Colt are now trending on TikTok as a result. Then she shows me the video of Colt getting down on one knee while her mom shouts in the background, “Back straight, Nora!” and I cry and laugh all over again, because I’m happy—so happy for her—and because I want that kind of stability in my life too.

A little voice reminds me that I can, in fact, have it. I can choose perfect. All I have to do is turn my back on one night in Spain.

Hashtag Best Couple Ever.





FIFTEEN


Two days later, I cook Dom a meal at his place. I stick to my winning (and only) recipe. Pasta with a premade supermarket sauce and fried drumsticks coated with breadcrumbs. Dom has pulled numerous double shifts this week, covering for some people who took extended Christmas vacations. Since we didn’t do the deed at his parents’ house over Christmas, it has now been a week since we’ve had sex. Honestly, I’m not sure I want to have sex with him right now. I’m still tangled up in my feelings.