Beasts of a Little Land(33)
At the moment right before he kissed her, when she realized what was going to happen, she thought that she would pull away, disgusted. But when his lips met hers, she wanted to keep kissing him. The fact that he craved her made her deliriously happy. When they let go of each other she sighed. “No, I don’t hate you.”
SungSoo looked with a sincere expression into her eyes, waiting for her to absolve him. He was aware that at that moment Dani thought him as handsome and attractive as when they first met. He was intoxicated by that distinct and palmy pleasure, the consciousness of one’s own seductive power, which in so many people’s lives is the closest thing to love that they experience. He reached for her hand, and she did not pull away.
“But it’s too late for forgiveness. So leave me in peace.” Her voice shook when she said those last words, and they both sensed how she didn’t really mean them, and in fact meant just the opposite.
He didn’t know what to do. He could just as well have left her then and there and not pursued her further, not because of her wishes or because he was a proud man, but because he was fundamentally unable to truly lose himself for another person. Not only was it distasteful to him intellectually, his soul was also incapable of it. But at that moment, he noticed how Dani was shivering and was moved by the sight of her fragility. He leaned in and enveloped her in his arms. As soon as he did so, a tear loosened from Dani’s eyes and she melted into his embrace.
When they came apart, she wordlessly led him through the gates. They both suppressed the urge to run to her room, walking calmly as if they weren’t burning with the need to tear off the layers of wool and wrap their legs around each other’s waists. Once inside, they made love not knowing or caring about anything else except how their bodies felt together.
It was close to midnight when they were finished and lying side by side in the candlelight. Dani thought to herself, This is the happiest time of my entire life. There could be nothing that would follow that would be better than this evening spent with him alone, away from the rest of the world. Though it would feel much longer in her memory, it was no more than a few hours in reality. Like all such moments, it ended before she was ready—with a knock on her door.
“There is a gentleman at the front gates, asking for you,” Hesoon whispered in her ear. “I tried to tell him that you were not home, but then he said he would wait for you, and then I didn’t know what to do.”
“Well, who is it?” Dani bristled, stepping out into the hallway. “It’s not the police? Or someone that the judge may have sent?”
“I don’t think so. He said he goes by Lee—and didn’t tell me his given name, but said you’ll know who he is.”
“Oh!” Dani drew a sharp breath. “I do know who that is. I wonder why he’s here? At any rate, I can’t have him waiting outside in this cold for hours, thinking I’ll be on my way home. I’ll have to receive him. Show him into the sitting room.”
Dani went back inside her room and began putting on her clothes. She asked SungSoo to stay quiet in the room while she dealt with a visitor in the sitting room. At this, SungSoo let his irritation show: he wasn’t going to hide from this mysterious stranger, who Dani insisted was not her lover and yet was visiting her in the dead of the night. No, he would rather leave than hide in the room like a thief.
“Fine then, do as you wish,” Dani said, exasperated beyond her control, a deep flush rising to her cheeks. She stormed out of the room and hurried into the sitting room, where Lee MyungBo was standing uncertainly in his coat, holding his hat in two hands.
“Miss Dani, I apologize for barging in on you like this . . .” He started to explain, and Dani noticed with hidden pleasure the subtle brightness of his eyes and a hint of color on his face. “I know how inappropriate it is, but I’ve come to tell you . . .”
“Yes?” Dani approached him with a light step, excited and also ashamed to feel so drawn. MyungBo took a step toward her too, almost involuntarily. As he appeared to reach his hand toward her upper arm, she heard the door of her room creak open, and SungSoo walked through the hallway and into the sitting room.
What happened next was as deep a confusion as any three people had ever experienced. SungSoo and MyungBo started saying at the same time, “What are you doing here?” while Dani looked rapidly between both men and exclaimed, “How do you two know each other?” An embarrassed silence followed for a minute. SungSoo, the quickest to recover, said to Dani:
“MyungBo and I are old friends from our student days in Tokyo.”
“I see,” Dani said, and then the room was plunged into silence once more.
“I came to tell you something important,” MyungBo said, but this time his eyes no longer had the brilliance she’d seen before. “His Majesty, Emperor Gojong, has passed away.”
Drawing a sharp breath, Dani clutched a hand to her chest. Both men sprang forward instinctively as to steady her, but MyungBo checked himself while SungSoo laid a protective hand on Dani’s waist. MyungBo continued.
“It happened just a few hours ago. One of our informers, a lady of the bedchamber, sent a message as soon as it happened. He was having a bowl of sweet rice water when suddenly, he started choking and crying out, coughing up blood. The lady said his dead body was covered in hives.”
A horrified moan escaped Dani’s lips, and she sank onto the floor. SungSoo sat down next to her, keeping a hand on her back, while MyungBo remained standing in his place.