Barbarian Mine (Ice Planet Barbarians #4)(30)

I laugh. Liz is so crass but she’s open and loving. I’ve missed her. I squeeze her hand. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ll say,” she agrees, and pats my distended belly. “You look ready to pop. I’m not carrying quite the same.”

I digest her confusing words for a moment, and then realize that Liz’s belly is gently rounded under her flowing, colorful leather tunic. Of course she’s pregnant, too. She and Raahosh were mated for only a short time before Rukh stole me from the ship. It’s like I’ve forgotten everything.

I bet there are a lot of pregnant girls back at the tribal caves now. I bite my lip, hating the wistful envy that rises in me. I love Rukh and I want to stay here, but…the thought of having girlfriends again? Girlfriends who are going through the same scary, unknown pregnancy I am? It fills me with longing. “Pregnancy is hard,” I say with a smile and rub my lower back again.

Her brows go down, as if she wants to disagree with me. Then, she takes me by the elbow and steers me toward one of the plump leather pillows I’ve made. “Here. Why don’t you sit down? You look like hell, girl.”

“Gee, thanks,” I say dryly. Good ol’ Liz. But I do want to sit, so I let her steer me toward one of the stuffed pillows. She grabs another and pulls it close, then flops down. Her eyes light up. “Oh wow. Why haven’t I thought about freaking pillows in the last year? This thing is awesome!” She wiggles her butt on it. “Raahosh tried to make me a hammock but I fell out of it and that was the end of that.”

I smile at her. “So you and Raahosh are well?”

“If by ‘well’, you mean ‘shagging like bunnies’ and me arguing when he tries to mansplain at me about how to hunt, and then me proving to him I’m just as capable as he is without a pair of balls? And then make-up sex and cuddling? Yup, we’re great.” She looks cheerful at the thought. “We’re supposed to be in at least a two year exile, but everyone’s pregnancies are moving along a lot faster than Maylak thought, so I imagine we’ll have to stay home this winter. Last one was cold as the tits on a snowman.” She mock shivers and then looks around my cave again. “This place is real nice, though. Weather’s a lot milder.”

I nod. “There’re these scorpion things on the beach that look ugly as hell but they taste like lobster.”

She gasps and pretends to wipe her chin. “My mouth is watering, seriously. We totally have to get some of those.”

I grin and brace my hands on my aching lower back. “Yeah, I like to tell—” I pause, not sure I want to say Rukh’s name to Liz. “Um.”

She tilts her head, waiting for me to continue.

I hesitate. I don’t know what to do. Confess what happened? It feels disloyal to Rukh. Sure, he clubbed me over the head and stole me away when I was sent out to get help, thus ensuring the deaths of three others, but…he didn’t know what to do. He’s grown up wild. I don’t hold that against him, and I worry others will.

So I give Liz a thin smile. “I look like hell, huh?”

She gives me an uneasy look and clasps her hands in her lap. “You just look really tired. And really pregnant. Like, more than me.” She gazes down at my belly and her hand goes to her own stomach. “I’m glad I found you,” she says. “You can come home and get checked out by the healer when we get back.”

I hesitate again.

“Oh, come on,” Liz says with a groan. “I know you didn’t get yourself pregnant. A guy’s obviously here with you. And judging from the lack of a plasma TV and sofa, I’m guessing that he’s an alien, right? Who is it?” She leans forward. “One of the hunters, right? I can’t believe some bastard squirreled you away and hasn’t said a thing to anyone. That is seriously not right, keeping you here.”

I pull back, a bit alarmed by the venom in her voice. “It’s not one of the tribe.”

She sits up and frowns. “It’s not? Is he not sa-khui?”

Oh jeez, now I’m really painting myself into a corner. “I didn’t say that.”

She scoots forward again. “Harlow, I’m not the enemy here. What’s going on? Why are you being so weird?”

I lick my dry lips, worried. My side chooses that moment to send a sharp pain across my belly and I bite back a wince. “It’s been a year, Liz. I just need some time to adjust to things.”

Her eyes widen. “This is Stockholm Syndrome, isn’t it? I don’t want you to worry, okay? I’ll keep you safe from him.”

“Wait, what? No, that’s not how things are at all.” She reaches for my hands but I pull away from her and get to my feet. My side is aching painfully and I rub it as I pace. “I’m happy here. I love…my guy. I don’t want to go back to the tribal caves, okay?”

“I guess I don’t understand,” Liz says slowly. “Did you run away? Is that what happened when you abandoned Aehako and Haeden and Kira?”

Abandoned. God, I guess I did, didn’t I? Because I was so dazed and caught up with my own mess that I never went back to even bury the bodies. “They were dead, Liz. There was nothing I could do.”

Silence. Then, “Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Willis?”

I snort-giggle at the saying. It reminds me of home and another wave of longing spirals through me, followed by another ache in my belly. I rub it, trying to massage away the hurt. “It’s not funny, Liz. I didn’t leave them of my own volition, but I didn’t abandon them.” I swallow hard. “I hate that I cost them their lives. I think about it all the time.”