Barbarian Mine (Ice Planet Barbarians #4)(22)

I stare down at the grave. I don’t even mind the crushing grip that Rukh has on my hand. He needs the comfort, and if there’s any small amount I can give him, I will. I try to imagine how heartbreaking this must have been for him: to be alone except for one other person, and then to lose that person? And then to have to bury them, alone? I stare at the mound of hand-sized rocks. These could not have come from the beach. How long had he gathered them to bury his father?

How long has Rukh been alone?

I rub his arm, utterly full of sympathy for my poor barbarian. “Were you very young when your father died?”

The sad look he gives me has no comprehension, and I don’t press. It’s not something that needs to be told at the moment. I can guess from his wild appearance and his utter bafflement about certain things that he was rather young, indeed.

My poor Rukh. No wonder he freaked out when we saw the other hunter. No wonder he clubbed me over the head and carried me off. He must have felt the resonance and acted on the possessive surge of feeling. He doesn’t know how to cope with needing another person.

Hell, the fact that he cares for me probably scares the shit out of him. I know how that feels, but not to the depths he does. I’ve been ripped from everything I knew at home, but my family there was dead, and here, I’ve had the company of other humans.

He’s had no one for so long.

My chest resonates, and his picks up the song.

I stroke his arm and lean my cheek against his shoulder. My poor mate. After all, we are mates, aren’t we? I’ve been fighting this so hard because I’ve been afraid, and seeing this has totally changed my perspective. How long has Rukh had to suffer alone? And now that he has someone – me – I’ve been pushing him away. I’ve been ignoring resonance because I’ve felt like I’m not ready.

I wonder if anyone is truly ready, though.

In that moment, I want to give Rukh everything I possibly can. I want to give him a mate, a family, teach him about sex, and share everything every day together. I want him to know he’s not alone.

I want him to know someone else loves him. Someone else is there for him.

My heart aches, and under the thick purring in my chest, I feel that this is good and right.

Now’s the time for us to become one.





Chapter Five




RUKH



Har-loh’s quiet as we leave my father’s grave. Seeing it always makes me sad, but today there’s only an ache of loss that she never got to meet him. I’m not beside myself with sorrow, not today. Today there’s too much to show my Har-loh. I need to make her a fire and set up the bed in the cave before it gets too dark.

I can’t dwell on my past any longer. I say a small internal goodbye to my father and take Har-loh back to the portion of beach we will claim as ours. She says nothing, but I can tell she is thinking hard. I recognize the look on her face that tells me she wants to say many things to me, and we will have a language lesson later, perhaps.

I touch her speckled hand. Is she hungry? She pointed out the crawler earlier, so I assumed she wanted to eat.

She gives me an absent smile and squeezes my hand. “Snothing. Justhinkin.”

Again, she gets the distant look on her face and I worry. Is something wrong? I’m pensive as we return to our new cave and we get to work. I make a fire pit and build a fire while she finds a dried branch on the beach and sweeps the floor of the cave. By the time I spit the crawler over the fire to cook, she’s taken off her outer layer of furs and has set them up as a bed. I feel a twinge of guilt that I made her leave the others behind. It’s warmer here, but will she still be cold? Am I making her suffer?

I don’t want her to die like my father did. My heart clenches in my chest, and I can’t breathe at the thought. What will I do if Har-loh gets sick like my father did? I move to her side and swiftly pull her against me, holding her close. Touching her helps, but…it doesn’t feel like enough. What are we missing? A helpless growl of frustration sounds in my throat.

As if she can sense my unease, Har-loh wraps her small arms around me. “Ino.” She cuddles with me for a moment, and then inhales. “Issat food? Smellsdelishis.” She gestures at the fire. When I pull the many-legged crawler off the fire and offer it to her, she wrinkles her nose. “Gahdtitsugly.”

I rip off one of the legs and succulent pale meat shows from inside the hard shell. I’ve never eaten one of these cooked, but it looks and smells much better than it did raw. But because Har-loh is the most important thing to me, I won’t eat until she’s full.

She makes a face as she takes the bite from me and gingerly puts it to her mouth. Her tongue flicks out to taste it, and my cock stirs in response at the sight. A moment later, her eyes light up and she looks at me in surprise. “Isgud!”

She likes it? I tear another leg off and offer it to her.

“Yeweet.” Har-loh gestures at me and picks at her leg, removing the hard carapace before prying out the flesh. I do the same, and the food is indeed tasty like this. My Har-loh knows so many things. She’s incredible. My chest thrums and hers picks up the song. She looks over at me and smiles, then takes another bite.

And I relax and eat, too.

By the time we’ve picked all the meat off the bones, Har-loh is full and washes her hands and mouth with some of the water from the skin. I do the same, since cleanliness seems important to her. Instead of sitting back down next to the fire with me, though, she moves to her bed.