Barbarian Lover (Ice Planet Barbarians #3)(8)

“I was picking herbs and thought I’d drop them off,” I say by way of explanation. “Has she been able to find anything wrong?”

Megan shrugs but doesn’t get up. “There’s a bit of a language barrier, but so far she hasn’t freaked out.”

“That’s good,” I say, then stifle a laugh when Esha peels back my lip and examines my square teeth. Her own are sharp little fangs.

“Esha,” Maylak calls out and gives a small shake of her head.

“It’s okay,” I say, and bounce the baby a little. “I don’t mind.” I like children. I know Liz complained that she wasn’t ready to be a mom, and Georgie said she never thought about children, but I do. I think about them all the time. Maybe because I can’t have any.

Maylak pats Megan’s stomach and the hard glow in her eyes softens a bit. “Finished,” Maylak says in her language, and the translator automatically pings in with the words.

“She’s done,” I offer to Megan, who is looking at me, waiting.

“Am I okay?” Megan asks Maylak, sitting up. She puts a hand to her stomach and then moves her hands in a cradling motion, indicating a baby. “Is everything working properly?”

The healer nods and spouts a stream of the fluid alien language, gesturing at Megan’s stomach and then looking at me. They all know I can translate. Your womb has been wounded recently, Maylak says. There was a baby there once, but no longer. Your khui is repairing the damage. It is almost done, and when it is, there should be no reason why you should not be able to carry a child like any other woman. Give it a turn of the Little Moon and see.

I translate for Megan and wince when Esha’s small, grabbing hands discover my translator and pull on it. I gently tug her little fingers free, feeling envious of the growing smile of relief on Megan’s face.

“I’m so glad to hear that.” She gestures at the healer, who is looking at me. “You want to get her to look at you? See if there’s a reason why you’re not resonating?”

I bite my lip and then shake my head. “I know why I’m not.”

“What is it?” Her eyes are wide.

I hesitate. I’m so frightened to tell someone but I also feel the need to share my burden. I want someone to understand why I’m so uneasy. “My appendix burst when I was thirteen. I nearly died, and I was in the hospital for a long time. It caused several of my organs to become infected, and when I was better, the doctors told me I’d be unable to have children.” I shrug. “I know I won’t resonate because I’m not fertile.”

The look of sympathy in her eyes hurts. She glances at Maylak, who is unable to understand our conversation. “Maybe she can look. Maybe…”

I shake my head and snuggle Esha, watching out for the little horns jutting from her baby head. They’re tucked flat against her skull for now, but they’ll grow larger and more protruding later. “It is what it is. I just worry they’ll boot me out once they find out the truth.”

“I won’t say anything,” Megan says fiercely. “You have my word.”

“Thank you.” I give her a soft smile.

She returns my smile and then her expression changes and grows weird. A giggle escapes her throat. “Um, you got something you want to tell us?”

I’m confused about what she’s referring to, and then Maylak chuckles as well. “Esha!”

I look down and the baby’s found my…courting gift and is examining it with great intensity.

“Oh my lord,” I murmur and take it from her, wrapping it with leather again. “Aehako gave this to me.”

“Uh huh,” Megan says, voice teasing.

“Blame Liz. She told him it was what human men do to court women.”

“Ooo, a romance blossoming?” She clasps her hands. “That’s so awesome.”

I shake my head. “It’s not going anywhere. I’m never going to resonate. How do I know he won’t resonate to you tomorrow? Or to Josie? Or Claire?”

Then I’ll be abandoned again. It’s the story of my life. Every time I meet a guy — a rare enough occasion as it is — and we start to connect, I feel obligated to point out that I can’t have children. And since I don’t put out, their interest dies. I’m not a long-term girlfriend. I’m a short, not-very-fun sort of fling until they meet the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

And it’s never, ever me.

This time, Megan’s sympathetic look of pity bothers me.

“It is what it is. Here,” I say, opening my pouch to turn the conversation. “I brought you herbs, Maylak.”



? ? ?





Things are quiet for several days. The humans keep themselves busy enough. Josie’s decided that she wants to learn how to cook, and Tiffany’s still working on trying to make dvisti wool into yarn of some kind. Megan is with Maylak tending to the herb plants around the caves, and Harlow is scraping skins. Claire hides with her alien boyfriend and watches the small children when the parents are busy.

Everyone’s staying busy, including me. There’s granulated salt from the ‘great salt lake’ a few days travel away, and it’s precious to everyone, so I’m trying to figure out how to salt or smoke meat to make it last longer. Food’s precious, though, so I take the unpleasant bits that people don’t like the taste of and experiment on those. Even that feels wasteful, though. One of the caches of frozen meat was buried under an avalanche and the tribe is worried that there won’t be enough food to feed everyone when it gets ‘really cold’ so we’re all in work mode. There’s extra mouths, pregnant women, and lots of clothing needed so there’s no time to be idle.