Baking Me Crazy (Donner Bakery, #1)(71)

I shook my head. "No, work was fine. I like it there."

Mom didn't say anything for a second, sliding her eggs from the pan onto a waiting plate. "Is it Levi?"

My head snapped up. "How did you know?"

"Oh honey, you've been floating around here on a cloud. Plus, that boy has looked at you like you hung the moon for years; you're the only one who didn't see it."

Great. Another thing that I could add to the list.

What Was Joss Wearing Blinders To: #47

"He got a job offer."

"That's great. Something he wants?"

I smiled sadly. "With his degree? It's like hitting the jackpot."

Her eyes searched my face briefly, then focused on her food. Between her fingers, she twirled the fork before digging it into the eggs. "So why the face?" she asked after she swallowed her first bite.

"It's in Seattle."

"Ohhh."

"Yeah."

"When does he leave?" she asked carefully.

I dragged my finger along the top of Nero's muzzle when he laid his head on my leg. "He needs to give them an answer today or tomorrow."

My mom nodded.

"He asked me to come with him," I said once I screwed up enough courage to get the words out. I couldn't look at her face, almost afraid of what I'd see there. "But … that's crazy. I can't just, you know, move with him."

The sound of her fork sliding across the plate was the only thing punctuating the silence. I had to grit my teeth from yelling something insane like, can't you just be a mom and tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do! For once!

Raising a self-sufficient child, wheelchair or not, was great and all, but sometimes you just wanted your parent to tell you which direction would benefit you most.

"Can't you?" she asked quietly.

When I lifted my eyes, she was watching me.

"Don't get me wrong," she continued, holding up her hands at whatever she saw in my face. "I'd miss you, Jocelyn, I would. I know I'm not the best mom. I raised you the way my momma raised me. To do things myself, pick myself up by the bootstraps, and not rely on anyone to fix what was wrong." She blinked rapidly. "Maybe that wasn't right, but I can't undo it now."

"I don't think you did anything wrong," I told her. "It's not like you abandoned me or anything. I know I'm fine to take care of myself, and that's important, especially for me. Plus, I wasn't alone. I had … Levi."

She smiled. "I'd wager you still do."

"He said he'd give up the job and stay here if that's what I wanted, if this is where my heart is."

Mom whistled. "Goodness."

"Yeah."

She stood slowly, then picked up her chair and set it down in front of me. "I'm going to say something to you that your grandma said to me when I was around eighteen."

My chest rose and fell rapidly because she didn't talk about Grandma much. Nero whined, pushing his nose into me when he felt the pitch and roll of my emotions.

"When you left Green Valley?" I whispered.

She nodded. "I can tell you right now that your heart isn't in this town, Joss."

I sucked in a breath. "And that means I have to pick up my life and move across the country?"

"Course not," she said easily. "I think you like it here, just as I did. I think if you stayed, you'd be just fine, just as I would've been. But if your heart was here, you'd know the names of everyone you passed on the street. You'd feel like your insides were splintering apart at the thought of leaving every imperfect, wonderful little part of this town." My mom looked down and sighed heavily, shaking her head as she did. "That's what your grandma said to me. Because she did know every name and every story of every person in this town. And I didn't because I wanted something else in my life."

My nose burned as I watched her impart more advice than she'd given me in over five years. The thought of leaving Green Valley caused no splinters. No splitting. No heartache. I viewed it with a strange sort of detachment, like the idea was simply too big to contemplate, but not because I couldn't imagine myself elsewhere.

It was the differences.

Little to big. Mountains and backroads and country to city and ocean and boats and wealth. But when I set those things aside, the thought of leaving Green Valley caused me no pain.

My mom took my hand and gripped it tight in hers. Her eyes were straight on mine when she asked, "What makes your heart break when you try to imagine life without it? Is it this town? Or something else?"

She knew the answer. So did I.

I dashed a hand at my cheek to stem an errant tear and looked away.

Imagining a life without Levi made my heart crack.

That was the splinter, the knife down the middle, the inconceivable thing that made my brain reject the very notion.

I sucked in a watery breath. "Oh my gosh, I'm in love with that stubborn ass, aren't I?"

My mom smiled and set my hand down. "I reckon so."

"So now what?" I sighed.

"Honey"—she laughed—"now you get to figure out what comes next. Maybe this job offer is hitting the jackpot for him, but you just had a whole different part of the world open up to you too, you know? What comes next is whatever you want, and that's the biggest, scariest, most beautiful part of living."