Bad Rep (Bad Rep, #1)(73)

for the promise of you.
Enthralled by your silence
I've got everything to lose.

Lost in your eyes
I have become a man.

Lost in you.
Lost in you.
Lost in you.

You moan my name
I play your game
I struggle to breathe
You're all that I need

You've become my forever
All I know is you
Enthralled by your silence
I've got everything to lose.

Forget the past
Hold on to me now
All we need is this
All we need...

Don't ask me to leave
I don't know that I can.
Lost in your eyes,
I've become a man.

Lost in you.
Lost in you.
Lost in you.

Cole's voice trailed off into a whisper as he sang intimately to the frantic crowd below him.  The song was beautiful.  No, beautiful didn't even begin to describe it.  The love that had gone into writing those lyrics made me feel raw and vulnerable.  Because it came back to the fact that Jordan had written them about someone else. Someone who had shared his life for three f*cking years.  How the hell could I ever compete with that sort of devotion?

I watched Olivia sway to the music as though it were calling to her personally.  I could see that she was singing along with Cole and I felt tears sting my eyes.  I knew she watched Jordan as he played his drums.  Playing the song he had written just for her.

Oh god.  I was done. So 100% done!  I was a freaking idiot!  What Jordan and I had was nothing compared to that. The fight I had felt earlier when confronting Olivia fizzled out in a sad sort of whimper.  Did we really have anything worth fighting for?  Listening to that damn song, doubt spread like a cancer through my mind.  So what was I going to do?  Run and hide.  Because that's what I did best, and when you were good at something, why change it?

I got to my feet.  “I'm going home,” I announced as the band began to play a rowdy version of the Beatles' I Wanna Hold Your Hand.  Riley looked at me in surprise.

“What?  But they're only half way through the set.  What about Garrett's party?”  I looked up at the stage.  At Jordan who was completely immersed in his music.  Nope.  I couldn't do this.  I didn't belong here.  I didn't belong with him.  Who was I kidding?

“I just want to go,” I said shortly.  I was angry and hurt.  However nonsensical my feelings were, they had a death grip on my heart and wouldn't let go.  This whole thing with Jordan had been a big heap of angst from the very beginning and right then I was so over it all.  Damien looked from Riley to me in confusion.

“Is everything alright?” he asked with concern.  I gave him, what I hoped was a convincing smile.

“Yep, everything is just peachy.  But I'm heading out.  You guys can go to Garrett's without me, it'll be cool.”  Riley got to her feet.

“What about Jordan?  What do I tell him?”

My eyes trailed over to Olivia who was thoroughly enjoying herself.  Riley followed my gaze and a knowing look crossed her face.

“Mays...” she started but I held my hand up to stop her.

“I think he'll be busy.  So, don't bother to say anything.  Later.”  And with that, I turned on my heel and left the bar.  Outside, I pulled out my phone and called a cab.  I was a big, fat wimp. I knew that.  But I didn't care.  Because my new boyfriend had just played a song he wrote for his ex-girlfriend and I felt like total crap.  I knew I was probably being very immature about the whole thing.  But again, I didn't f*cking care.

So I went home, put on my comfiest pjs and went to bed.  I put my phone on my dresser.  You know, just in case Riley needed something.  Oh, who was I kidding.  I wanted to see if Jordan would call.  I was beyond ridiculous.

My phone stayed conspicuously silent.

Chapter Eighteen



I woke up the next morning entirely too early for a Sunday, feeling very unrested.  I had tossed and turned most of the night, my ears pricking up at the slightest sound.  I couldn't help but obsessively wonder whether Jordan would call or come by.  He had to recognize my very purposeful burn by not waiting for him after the show for what it was.

But, I didn't hear from him.  Finally, after checking my phone for the thousandth time, I turned it off around five in the morning. I was driving myself certifiably crazy.   So at an ungodly 9:00, I got out of bed and what was the first thing I did?  I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and turned it on, only to find that there were no texts.  No missed calls.  Zilch.  Nothing.  Nada.

I angrily pulled my robe of the hook on the back of the door and shoved my arms through the sleeves.  I didn't know what to do with this desolate feeling inside.  But one thing was for sure, I was sick of moping over some stupid guy.  The whole thing irritated me to no end.  I was sick of guys and the way girls forgot all sense when they were in the picture.  It was beyond annoying and completely degrading.

I opened my bedroom door and saw Riley coming down the hallway.  “Just getting home?” I asked, smiling at her.  At least one of us got lucky last night.  Riley shrugged and looked like she was about to drop.

“Long night.  I need sleep,” she mumbled, heading into her room.