Bad Rep (Bad Rep, #1)(123)

Why was I here? This had to be some form of masochism.  I was inflicting unnecessary torture on myself. I was finally in a semi-decent place.  It wasn't like Jordan had made any effort to talk to me.  That part of my life was over.

So why was I sitting there, in Barton's waiting for him to reach into my chest and rip my heart out all over again?

“Breathe, Mays. It's all good,” Gracie whispered, tapping her fingernails on my glass.

“Yeah.  All good,” I murmured.

The lights went down, Vivian rejoined our group and Cole introduced them.  The crowd went wild and my body pulsated with the first beats of Jordan's drums.  His draw was intense and instinctual.  He literally called out to my body and every inch of me answered.

It seriously sucked.

“We are so happy to be back here at Barton's!”  Cole yelled into the mic, after playing a Tool cover.  Jordan continued to keep up a steady beat.  Cole grinned into the teaming crowd.  “I wanted to announce our plans to go on tour next year.  Our man Piper has agreed to saddle up with us full time after he graduates!  We're gonna hit up places up and down the east coast!  You'll be able to find the full tour schedule on our website!”  Jordan twirled his drum sticks in his hands and hit out a quick successive beat.

Wow.  So Jordan had decided to do it.  I was proud of him.  Really proud of him.  He had stuck to his guns and gone after what he wanted.  I didn't think I could love him any more than I did just then.

“And now it's time to unveil a new song our drummer has been working on for a while now.  Take it away, man!”  Cole flourished his arm out in Jordan's direction and the crowd went quiet.  I watched as Jordan closed his eyes.  His face was dripping with sweat and he seemed to be steeling himself.  I knew that look of concentration on his face.  It was the same look he wore whenever he was about to say something important.

I think my heart stopped in that moment.  Riley reached down and grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly.  Jordan finally opened his eyes and looked out into the crowd of people.  He seemed to be looking for something.  Or someone.

And I knew when he found it.  Because it was the moment his eyes found mine.  He leaned into the microphone by his side.  “This is for the girl who always runs away,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving me.  The crowd went wild.

What do I have to do to make you stay?
What should I say to make you mine?
When will you stop running, girl?
I'm watching for the sign.

You build me up and break me down
Over and over again
I crave your seductive destruction
Even as I long for your pain.

But it wasn't all bad was it?
Things weren't always this way.
You filled the space in my empty heart,
Your eyes told me things your lips would never say.

So here I am, watching you run.
I wish you'd stop trying to leave.
How easy you forget
that you're my reason to breathe.

Stop running, girl
It won't always feel like this,
Stop running, girl
Stop running.

We could have our tomorrow
We could have our dreams,
My future is wrapped up in you,
Even as my heart bleeds.

Stop running, girl.
I've got nowhere to go.
I'll wait until forever
I promise to take this slow.

How easily we tore each other down
It's hard to take it all back
Feeding those fears and regrets,
I'm all alone in the black.

Stop running, girl.
It won't always feel like this.
Stop running, girl.
Stop running, girl!

Stop running away!

Jordan's voice rose in a scream as the tears ran uninhibited down my face.  My hand throbbed from the vice grip Riley had on it.  Jordan's voice trailed off as he slammed a frantic beat on his drums.  The song seemed to tear his heart out and I felt my own being ripped free and flopping on the floor.

My f*cking god!  He'd written me a song.  And what a song!  All of his heart ache and grief rolled through the lyrics and I was at a complete loss.  When it was over, the crowd voiced their approval.  Then the band launched quickly into another song.

I was breathing heavily and I wiped at the drying tears on my face.  “Shit, Mays.  That was incredible,”  Gracie yelled into my ear.  I nodded, rubbing my nose with a napkin.  Riley let go of my hand and I felt the pins and needles as circulation resumed.

“You need to talk to him.  You can't leave things the way they are,” Riley urged.  I didn't say anything.  I couldn't argue, I couldn't agree. I couldn't freaking do anything.  So I watched the rest of Generation Rejects' set and I knew my future hung in the balance.

When they were finished, the bar started to settle down.  Most people left and those still there were either drunk off of their asses and waiting for a ride, or Barton employees.  The band had broken down their equipment and loaded it up in Garrett's van.

They joined the group at the bar.  Cole went straight to Vivian, though he stopped by me first.  “Did you like the new stuff, Maysie?” he asked, winking at me.  I was way too sober for this.  I wished I possessed some serious liquid courage right then.  But honesty was all I could give.