Bad Boy Blues(73)

Like she knows all his secrets and struggles. She knows about his reading. She knows that the more he reads, the better he gets, and when I tell him this, his face closes up.

I haven’t been able to understand that. Why wouldn’t he be happy to see the progress he’s making? Why wouldn’t he want me to compliment him and flush with pleasure every time he reads a phrase correctly without confusing the letters?

Sometimes I think it’s shame. He’s embarrassed and angry to be making progress. Which is so weird that I think maybe I’m imagining things.

And every time his expression becomes cagey, I know what comes next. His kisses and his hands.

Jesus, his hands are always so desperate and horny, on the verge of tearing my clothes off so he can get to my bare skin. To my breasts, my thighs, my pussy. As if he needs it all like he needs the air. As if he needs to make me come and he needs to come himself while I’m spasming in his arms. And all I can do is give in to him.

Why wouldn’t I?

I’m his prize, right?

Except, maybe those are simply words.

Maybe he says them to everyone. Maybe he said it to Leslie, the girl he’s been flirting with so openly while he sneaks into my cottage like a thief.

It’s crazy, I know. I was the one who wanted all the secrecy, even if I forgot to plan for it. He’s just adhering to my wishes.

Never looking at each other if we ever pass by in the hallways. Not talking while having breakfast. Never saying a word to each other if I accidentally come upon him by the pool and he’s out there, either working out or swimming.

It’s me. I set the rules and Zach’s been so careful about protecting me and this stupid job.

I realize that I don’t like it.

I don’t like the necessary secrecy and that he’s touching someone else. I don’t like that he’s too engrossed in her to notice me.

A sound rises in my throat, a mixture of a gasp and maybe a hiccup. A sad, jealous hiccup and somehow, it reaches him.

Zach lifts his eyes and looks straight at me. His lips part and my own purse.

Leslie notices that she doesn’t have his attention anymore, so she turns around and, finding me there, she beams.

Her smile is so enthusiastic that I can’t even hate her for being close to what I want.

“Hey, Cleo. Come on in,” she chirps.

“Ah, finally you’re here. Come, I made the English custard again.” Maggie smiles fondly at Zach. “It’s Master Zach’s favorite.”

English custard.

I smile slightly at both of them before turning back to Zach. He’s sitting there rigid, his jaw clenched in that angry, mean way of his.

What does he have to be angry about? I’m the one who’s feeling betrayed.

“It’s okay,” I say, keeping my eyes on him. “If it’s… Mr. Prince’s favorite, then he should have all of it.”

With that, I spin around and get out of there.

I’m in such a hurry that I bump into someone at the end of the hallway. It’s Ryan.

He steadies me with his hands on my shoulders. “You okay?”

His gentle voice makes me want to cry but I hold on. “Yeah. Sorry. I should stop doing that to you.”

Chuckling, he says, “I don’t mind.”

“How are you?” I ask, studying his handsome face.

He has always made me feel safe. Always.

And now that I look at him, I realize that maybe I wasn’t made for safe. Safe does nothing for me. I wasn’t made to be handled with gentle fingers and soft touches.

Maybe I was made for rough strokes, pulling hands and harsh stares.

“Good. You?” He frowns. “Is everything okay?”

I nod. “Uh-huh. I’m just, you know? Rough day.”

“It hasn’t even started yet.”

I chuckle sadly. “I know. It’s just going to be one of those days.”

Nodding, he begins, “Listen, I, uh, wanted to tell you. I guess you already know though, since Tina’s your friend and –”

I thrust up my hand to make him stop. “It’s okay. I know. Tina told me you guys are going out Saturday and that’s awesome. Really.”

Tina took my advice and asked Ryan out on a date. I think he was shocked. She said he didn’t say anything for about ten seconds as he kept staring at her.

I bet it was because he was staring at her with new eyes.

“You sure? I feel like such a, I don’t know, a player or something.”

I laugh loudly at that and bump my shoulder against his chest. “You are not a player. Not at all. You’re one of the most decent guys I know, Ryan. In fact, you’re the most decent guy I know. So no, I don’t think that at all. I just hope you guys have a good time.”

He smiles; grins, actually. “Okay.”

I can see it in his eyes that he’s really looking forward to it. As much as Tina.

“Okay.” I nod and step back from his embrace.

Ryan bends down and kisses me on the forehead. It’s a brotherly kiss. I can’t believe we ever wanted to go out. Maybe that’s why we kept putting it off, subconsciously. Our being busy and not finding the time might have been a sign in the first place.

Just as he leaves, I feel a prickling sensation in the back of my neck.

I know who it is before I even turn around.