Bad Boy Blues(28)

Legit point.

“But –”

“No. No buts. You’re going out with Ryan. End of discussion.”

“I –”

“Look, you can’t stop living, Cleo. You can’t. Remember what you told me about Neal? Why you went out with him in the first place?”

I stubbornly remain silent.

“You went out with him because you wanted to know what it felt like. What it felt like to be in love with a boy. Because all you ever felt for a guy was hate. Look what happened last night, Cleo. You blew up. You have so much anger and sadness inside you because of what happened to you at St. Patrick’s. You need to move on.”

Tears fill my eyes and I don’t know how to stop them.

“Ever since Zach came back, you’ve been jumpy. You’ve been consumed by him. All you ever do is think about him and what he’s going to do to you. What you can do to him. He’s the only thing on your mind.”

She’s right.

The guy I hate is the only thing on my mind. He’s the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning. He’s the last thing I see when I close them. He doesn’t even leave me alone in my dreams.

It’s worse than what it was at St. Patrick’s. When school was over, I got to cross the line and go back home. That invisible line between the south side and the north protected me from him.

But now I live where he lives.

There’s this constant awareness of him being around. My heart’s always ready to pound at the slightest smell of him. The butterflies are flapping their sharp wings, making me bleed on the inside. My lungs are always on the verge of losing air.

I’m obsessed with him, with the way I hate him, with the way he makes me feel.

“I don’t know…”

“I’m not blaming you,” Tina says. “I never blamed you. He’s the asshole. He’s the bad guy in this situation. The bully. But don’t you think it’s time to just let it go? Don’t let him win, Cleo. Don’t let him ruin even the slightest chance you have of finding love or even going on an awesome date. Ryan is amazing. Your parents loved him, remember? Go. Live your life. You deserve happiness. You deserve to dull the pain. You deserve to fall in love.”

I do.

I certainly, certainly do.

When Zach left, I could’ve dated. Not that people were asking me out on dates at St. Patrick’s but still. He wasn’t there to ruin it for me. I could’ve kissed and made out, even lost my virginity. I could’ve done all those things but I never did. For some reason, it never even entered my mind.

But Tina’s right. Again.

I deserve to fall in love and find out what my parents had. They were so in love with each other. Like disgustingly in love, and I always thought that one day I’d find someone to be crazy in love with too.

Smiling, I wipe off my tears and nod. But before I can say anything, my gaze falls on him.

The guy we’ve been talking about.

Somehow, I forgot that this is where his room is. Which is stupid because we were going to do the windows right by it.

Zach’s leaning against the doorjamb with his arms folded across his chest, his eyes on me.

He’s sweaty and the only article of clothing on his body is a pair of track pants. They hang so low that they show more than they hide. Namely, that deep V of his sculpted pelvis. But the worst and most disturbing thing is a hint of the dark tuft of hair that disappears under the waistband.

I don’t want to think where it leads and how long he’s been standing there or if he heard any of the conversation Tina and I had.

And neither do I want to think about the piece of gossip that traveled this morning, alongside my midnight meltdown.

He was so scary, I swear. And then, he looked at me and said escort her out; she’s drunk. Oh and you can’t forget the last thing he said to her: don’t come back here uninvited. It was the most perfect moment. He was perfect. He totally defended you, Cleo.

Grace, who rarely gossips or gets animated about anything, was telling everyone about it at the morning meeting – animatedly – and all I could do was listen to it as I grew breathless.

He defended me. My bully defended me.

It’s impossible. I don’t believe it.

But I can’t stop myself from growing breathless again. Because he’s walking toward me.

Slow, loose steps.

I would think his walk was casual. But his eyes, which are trained on me, make everything predatory.

Something from deep within me makes me take a step back like I’m really his prey. A good, little prey, running away from the predator like I should.

Tina notices my distractedness and turns around to see what’s causing it. She grabs hold of my arm to stop me from stepping back but I tell her to leave.

“What?”

“You should go,” I tell her again, looking away from Zach, who’s still advancing on me, and at her. “I can handle this.”

“But Cleo –”

“I’ll be fine.”

Zach’s hovering over us now, or rather me. He hasn’t spared Tina a glance but he addresses her, still staring at me. “She’s right. She’ll be fine. Get lost.”

Tina swallows as he looks up at him. “If you do something –”

“Bedbugs,” he rasps. “I need to talk to her about bedbugs. Now, beat it.”