Assail (Malazan Empire, #6)(156)

For some obscure reason this one further development was too much for her. She felt an uncontrollable urge to howl. She splashed out up to her knees in the frigid waters then collapsed, her face in her hands, and shuddered in spasms of weeping. She felt disgust and revulsion at everything: the cold, the touch of the grimy clothing, her sweaty clinging hair. She splashed the clean frigid water over her face and squatted there until she was utterly numb.

The coarse physicality of it all nauseated her beyond explanation. Gods! She’d come back to this?

Footsteps crunched in the gravel of the strand. She closed a fist on the grip of the dagger and raised her eyes a touch to peer over one forearm: it was Bars in his leathers, a mail coat over one shoulder. He extended a hand. ‘Knew you were about.’

She felt as if a death sentence had been reprieved. She clasped his hand, rising. The mail coat was hers and he handed it over. ‘Thank you,’ she told him. She was surprised by how much his massive presence reassured her. Any others?’

‘Gwynn’s here. Lean and Keel.’

She stared, horrified. ‘That is all?’

‘No. The Brethren say K’azz is on the north shore with others.’ She nodded at his words. The Brethren, of course. ‘Then we must rendezvous.’ Bars did not answer and she turned from peering across the channel. He was watching her with a strange expression in his dark sad eyes, something like worry. ‘Yes? What?’

‘We must go on?’

‘Yes. We must. We have come too far. Paid too high a price for anything else.’

‘Do you really think there are answers to be found here, Shimmer?’

‘K’azz does. He knows the truth – and I swear I will get it from him.’

The big man heaved a troubled sigh, eyed the north shore. ‘Well, then … we’d best be going.’

She peered about: rowboats and launches lay pulled up on the strand. ‘Gather the others. I’ll secure a boat.’

Bars offered a mock salute and crunched off across the gravel. Shimmer headed to one of the larger launches.

She had their boat-master guide the vessel close along the north shore of the Sea of Gold. They had agreed upon a price for the crossing, but it was no doubt dawning upon the man that any said pay might be long in coming, if it came at all. With nightfall, she had him put in and they built a fire and lay down round it, save for Bars and Keel, who took turns guarding and sleeping in the boat. When morning came, Shimmer was surprised that the man was still with them. But then, the boat was his livelihood, no matter where he might find himself.

Bars made tea that morning. And with that familiar ritual, she felt that some sort of normality had returned.

They were packing up when footsteps sounded among the surrounding rocks and K’azz appeared in his hunting leathers, hopping from boulder to boulder. With him came Cowl, Black the Lesser, Turgal, and Blues.

Shimmer clasped each in a great hug. ‘Good to see you,’ she kept saying. ‘Good to see you.’

Blues accepted her greeting with an embarrassed flinch. ‘I’m sorry …’ he began.

‘There was nothing you could’ve done.’

He wiped his eyes. ‘Still … it galls.’

‘Yes. I’m sorry.’ She turned last to K’azz. The man appeared unchanged; same painfully thin features, same skull-like mien with pale sky-blue eyes that sometimes seemed completely colourless. His leathers, however, looked far worse for wear. ‘The ice fell on us,’ she told him.

‘Yes. Bad luck.’

She shook her head from side to side in slow negation. ‘Not good enough. It targeted us.’

He pursed his thin cracked lips. ‘The Vow, then. No doubt.’ He made a move to enter the boat but she blocked his path.

‘Not good enough any more, K’azz. What about the Vow?’

The commander glanced about and she followed his gaze. Bars was standing very close with his thick arms crossed; Gwynn stroked the snow-white beard he was growing; Lean stood nearby, truly lean now, having lost so much of her plumpness; and Blues was frowning as if troubled by his own suspicions.

K’azz did not look to Cowl, who stood behind, hugging himself, rocking back and forth on his heels, grinning crazily as usual. The mage even offered Shimmer a wink. Completely dismissive of him now, she merely pulled her gaze away.

K’azz would not look up. He drew a hard breath. ‘It concerns the Vow, Shimmer. We aren’t welcome here.’

She nodded at that. ‘Very well … that’s a beginning. What else?’

K’azz raised his eyes and she was shocked to see actual pleading in them. ‘Isn’t that enough, Shimmer? Isn’t it clear we must not continue?’

‘No.’ The denial was blunt and harsh. ‘I see that you still refuse to speak and so we must continue onward – to get the truth of this. We owe it to all who have fallen.’ She thrust an arm to the south. ‘They paid with their lives! And I will collect on it.’ She brushed past him. ‘Either speak up or stand aside.’

He was left standing alone on the shore. For a moment, she saw him as nothing more than a thin ragged figure, haunted and torn, then she hardened her heart and turned to Bars. ‘Push off.’ K’azz stepped on board at the last instant. She faced the boat’s master who held the side-mounted tiller. ‘What lies up the coast?’