Ask Me Why(75)

My fingers skip across the overgrown grass. The lush meadow swallows me as I wade deeper. On the tips of my toes, I can see the edge. That unsteady pulse slows inside of me. This place is reliable, carrying the burden for a while. I’ll gladly forget my troubles and get lost among the wildflowers.

I find my patch of worn turf and plop down. The slight breeze tickles my cheeks. I breathe in the fresh air and tip backwards. The warm ground welcomes me with an open embrace. My arms spread wide, giving a hug in return. The sunshine instantly thaws the frost that’s been building inside of me.

The bright rays break through the murky haze I’m caught in. But I can’t quite reach for the other side. I shield my eyes and let the bridge narrow this gap. A vibrant rainbow arches across the baby blue sky. There’re a few white fluffy clouds floating by, but otherwise it’s a clear backdrop. A flock of boisterous birds chirp a summer song. The lazy lapping of waves against the shore lull me. But swirls of restless energy remain. A thick sigh wheezes from my tired lungs. Even this slice of paradise can’t lift the gloom.

Brance Stone is a menace. There, I said it. Again. I can’t seem to avoid him. Who does that man think he is? He’s bad for me, but that doesn’t stop my body from wanting more. After ripping apart my heart, that man won’t quit. But I’ll take the blame for that. I tumbled and fell when all signs pointed to danger.

I still have Ollie. But in a one-dimensional capacity. Without Brance, things will be very different. Guarded. Stagnant. There won’t be dinners or slumber parties or hope for more.

A shadow blocks the sun, stealing the warmth.

“How’d I know you’d be here?”

I peel an eyelid open to find Sadie bending over me. “Hey, Dee.”

“Hi, yourself. Getting lost in your bubble?”

She’s well aware of my attachment to this spot. It’s been my solace ever since that rainbow called to me three years ago.

I pet the warm earth beside me. “The lookout has saved me a time or two. Figured I could use some familiar comfort.”

“So, what’s with the catnap?”

“Trying to relax.”

Sadie settles next to me, stretching her legs out. “Rough shape?”

I lift a shoulder. “Better than expected.”

“Nightmares?”

“No.”

“Panic attacks.”

“Nope.”

“Just down?”

A jerky nod from me. “It’s been a bit bumpy. Nothing I can’t handle.” I’m glossing over the truth, of course.

“I suppose that explains the staycation.” She motions around us.

“It’s nice to get outta my house. Too eerie.” I shiver regardless of the humidity clinging to me.

Sadie shuffles closer. “You should have called. I’m always up for hanging out.”

I offer a limp grin. “Thanks, Dee. But you can’t come to my rescue every day. I love it here. It’s peaceful and makes me happy.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “Have you seen Ollie lately?”

A familiar pinch cinches my chest. “Yeah, he was in yesterday.”

“How’s he doing?”

I lick my dry lips. “He seems to be plugging along. There was definitely a lack of pep in his step. He keeps asking if I’ll be coming back to his house.” My sniff is quiet. “That breaks my heart a little more each time.”

Sadie rubs my arm. “Damn, that’s rough. I’m sorry, friend.”

“It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out. I’m glad he still wants to visit after what happened.”

She huffs. “You couldn’t keep that kid away. He adores you. Pretty sure you’ve got a friend for life with that little boy.”

I smile at her. “I can handle that.”

“Speaking of favorite customers,” her voice trails off slightly.

I know what’s coming before she can ask. “Mary is always the one to bring him in.”

“Damn.”

“Meh, it’s better that way. There’s enough awkward tension without Brance stomping close by. I’m not sure how to act with Ollie. Everything is screwed up. Things should go back to basic, right? He’s just an adorable kiddo who loves candy and is a regular at my store.”

Her lips go flat. “He’s far more than that to you.”

I press my cheek into the grass. “I don’t wanna make things worse for him.”

“Cutting off your love will. Business as usual, Brae. Until further notice.”

I roll onto my side. “That’s my plan. It really sucks, but definitely could be worse.”

“Amen, sister. Save your day.”

I gather all the courage brewing in my belly. After a deep inhale, I let it all out. “How is he?”

Sadie rocks a palm back and forth. “I only have backwash knowledge. Prying isn’t really my style.”

I scoff and roll my eyes. “Since when?”

She nudges me. “You’re a different story. Always will be.”

This girl keeps me thriving. “Thanks, friend.”

“Welcome.” A sassy wink follows.

I pull up a clump of weeds. “Okay. Tell me about Brance, Dee. It was hard enough to ask the first time.”