Always, in December(86)
She was out in the grounds when she heard him calling her name behind her. “Josie?” She ignored him and marched on, the wind whipping past her face. “Josie!”
She spun to him, glaring. “What?” she spat out.
He jerked to a stop, frowned, then started walking slowly toward her, as if she were some kind of animal in need of taming. “What’s wrong?” he asked slowly. For a moment she just glowered at him. Clearly, he was under the impression that all of this was fine, that they were fine, that it was bloody fine to give her all these looks and take her hand when his girlfriend wasn’t looking, because a countryside jaunt and a meeting with a famous photographer made everything just dandy.
She shook her head. “What are you doing, Max?”
“What do you mean?”
“What are you doing?” she repeated. “Why are you trying to worm your way back into my life?” She pulled a hand through her hair, felt the wind tug at it when she let go. There were no stars tonight, the night sky clouded above them. “Or are you? Is that what you’re trying to do—do you want to be friends? Is that what all of this is about?”
“No, I—”
“Then what!” Her voice erupted across the castle grounds. “You bloody show up here out of nowhere, at my friend’s wedding, where you have no right to be—”
“Hey, that’s a bit harsh,” he said, still in that same careful tone of voice. “I was invited, it’s not like I did it deliberately to piss you off.” She shot him a glare, and his face tightened. “This isn’t ideal for me either, Josie, it’s—”
“Oh yes,” Josie said, letting out a scathing laugh. “I’m sure it’s so hard being here with your gorgeous, intelligent girlfriend—whom I like, by the way.”
“I like her too, but it’s not what you—”
“You were the one to leave me, Max,” Josie snapped. Her eyes were stinging now, damn them. She hunched her shoulders, wrapped her arms around them, trying to combat the chill that was clinging to her skin. “You left me on fucking Boxing Day after I’d…” She took a deep breath, shook her head. “Forget it. That’s not the point, that’s history.”
Max stepped toward her, his eyes dark like the clouds above them. They stared at each other for a moment, then Max took a breath. “Look, I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you—”
Josie gave a sour laugh. “Oh, that’s rich.”
“I tried to talk to you about it!” Finally, Max erupted too, something breaking whatever control had been keeping him in check. He pulled a hand through his hair in a way that looked painful. “In New York. I tried to talk to you, to explain, and you just blew me off! And you seemed perfectly content with your new life there, I might add,” he added with a bitter tone. She only glowered. Of course she’d seemed content, hadn’t she? She was hardly going to let on how much it had hurt, seeing him there, was she?
It was then that she decided that she didn’t want to have this out after all, and turned to stalk away. He reached out, grabbed her hand, and pulled her back around almost violently. He let go immediately, like her skin burned him, and shook his head furiously. “You think this is easy for me?” His voice was quiet, but each word held a punch that went straight through her. “Wanting what I can’t have?”
The words twisted in her chest, and she looked down at the ground to hide it. “That’s a ridiculous thing to say. It’s your choice, isn’t it?” she said, before he could butt in. “All of this—it’s all on your terms.”
“In New York—”
“Screw New York. If you wanted me, then you should have tried to stay with me in the first damn place!” She was breathing too heavily now, but she couldn’t seem to slow it. “Or at least tried to stay in touch or something, instead of just abandoning me.”
Max winced, and for a moment, the fire that had flared up in her wavered. But then he spoke, and his voice was cold. “You have no idea of anything, Josie.”
And just like that, the fire burned again. “Well, no, because you don’t tell me anything, do you? I’ve given you everything, I told you everything, and you give me nothing back.” She started to turn away again, not entirely sure where she was going. “And maybe you blame me for that in some weird, twisted way, but I don’t, and I don’t think—”
For the second time that night, he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulled her to him so forcefully that the breath was knocked out of her. Their gazes locked, his eyes searching hers. Then he was kissing her, and she was responding without thinking about it. She pulled his shoulders toward her, needing more of him, and his fingers dug in at her waist. God, the taste of him. She hadn’t realized until right now how much she’d been craving it.
“Josie?” The sound of Bia’s voice catapulted them back to reality and they both sprang apart like they’d been shocked. Josie smoothed her hair as she turned to face Bia, who looked like a little fairy in the night, with the light of the keep behind her. How much had she seen? Jesus, thank God it had been Bia and not Erin.
“I’ll be right there,” Josie said, hoping that the waver in her voice was too light for Bia to notice.