Always, in December(101)

Josie cocked her head. “Outside?”

Max blinked, then nodded. “Right. Outside.”

She hesitated again, unwilling to leave him if he was in pain, after what he’d just done for her, but the doctor was still waiting for them and she had to see Memo. She couldn’t think of anything to say to him that encompassed what she felt in that moment, the fact that he’d stayed with her, had seemed to know exactly what she needed without being told. Instead, she nodded, and mouthed, “Thank you.”

    Helen, however, turned to walk back to Max, even though, in Josie’s opinion, now was hardly the time to interrogate him on his intentions. Josie only caught a bit of their exchange before she turned the corner with the doctor and her grandad—Helen seemed to be saying something, and when Max shook his head, Helen rested a hand on his arm. Josie frowned slightly, but her attention was immediately diverted by the doctor, and when she looked over her shoulder, Max was walking away.

In the hospital room, Memo lay there, looking more fragile than Josie had ever seen her, her hair a little greasy on the white pillow, her hospital gown overly large on her thin body. Josie took a slow, steadying breath. The doctor had smiled, she reminded herself. Then Memo’s eyelids fluttered open, as if she’d heard the footsteps, and one side of her mouth crooked into a smile. “The way you’re all looking at me, you’d think I was some kind of miracle,” she croaked, the words sounding like they hurt her to get out. Next to Josie, her grandad let out a sob, and crossed the room to take her hand as the doctor did some quick checks. Helen came in behind Josie and they went to the other side of the bed, Helen putting a hand on Josie’s back as if to reassure them both. Though her aching facial muscles protested, Josie worked up a smile for Memo. She was standing firm on her oath not to cry in front of her—she didn’t want to let her know how terrified they’d all been.

“How are you doing, Mum?” Helen asked softly.

    “Oh peachy,” Memo said, her voice even hoarser the second time, and a little slurred. “You know, for someone who’s just had their chest cut open.”

Josie blinked away the tears, but Memo still seemed to notice because she reached out, her movements stiff, and Josie took her hand, squeezing it as gently as she could. Outside, there was the sound of a commotion, someone being rushed through the corridor, reminding Josie just how close to death Memo had been.

“I’ve got a quote for you” Memo croaked.

Josie frowned. “What?”

“Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to.”

The breath Josie let out was more like a sob. “Miracle on 34th Street.”

Memo grunted, her purpling eyelids fluttering closed again. “Thought I’d have you there. You don’t like those Christmas films.”

Because the tears were starting up again, Josie backed away, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. Her grandad, too, looked too grey and tired to say anything, but Helen came to the rescue, piping up, talking about the lack of good food in the hospital and downloading all the research she’d done on the best diet to start Memo on once she was out of hospital. Josie wasn’t sure exactly how long had passed before she realized that Max still hadn’t arrived. She cleared her throat and the other three looked at her. “I’m just going to go and find Max,” she said quietly. “Let him know we’re all OK.” She nearly added for now at the end of the sentence but stopped herself in time.

    “Oh, he came with you, did he?” Memo croaked, her breathing growing heavier. “That’s nice.”

He wasn’t there when she got to the waiting room, so she headed out to the front of the hospital, in case he was still outside. It was cold and fresh, her breath misting in front of her, but there was no sign of him there either. She was frowning when she retraced her steps. There were a few more people in the waiting room now, but none of them were Max.

Josie saw Helen coming out from the ICU and crossed to her. “I can’t find him,” she said, trying to control the hint of panic that was creeping into her voice. Had he disappeared on her, again? Surely not, not after what he’d told her.

But there was a faint ringing in her ears, and her nerves felt jittery. There’s something I want to talk to you about.

“Didn’t he say he was going to get coffee?”

Josie nodded, but bit her lip. The other two times he’d been, he’d been back in moments, and she’d passed the coffee machine when she went to look for him outside.

“Maybe he went to the toilet,” Helen suggested, but she was frowning too.

Yes, thought Josie. That would be it. She hadn’t checked there, obviously, but if she waited for him here then surely he’d be back any minute.

It was then that two more people came out from the ICU. One of them was the young blond nurse Josie had seen yesterday, and it was she who gestured toward Helen and Josie. Josie’s heart stuttered and she looked at Helen, seeing the same panic reflected in her face. The woman the nurse was with, who was wearing blue scrubs, a look of authority marking her out as a doctor, nodded, then walked over to meet them.

    “What is it?” Helen demanded.

“You came in with a man, is that right?” Her voice was far too even, far too calm.

“Which man?” Josie asked, even though she knew, somehow. She understood that this woman had come looking for them in particular, that she was talking about Max, and that whatever the reason, it wasn’t good. A chill descended on her body.