All the Way (Hot Jocks #2)(12)

Owen leans forward, and his voice comes out strained. “What can I do? I hate this.”

“Help me feel more confident in the bedroom.”

Once the words have left my mouth, part of me wishes I could stuff them back in. But the way Owen is looking at me makes my belly tighten.

The look is hungry.

“I’ll help you. But it’s got to be me showing you the ropes. I’m not grooming you for some guy you meet on the internet. Some dude we don’t know from Adam. I won’t send you out there to be hurt again. That’s the only way I’m agreeing to this.”

It takes nearly a full minute for his words and the meaning of what he’s suggesting to register, and when they do, my breath catches in my throat.

Owen doesn’t want to be my wingman as I originally suggested. He wants to be the one in my bed . . . making sure I conquer my fears in a safe, consensual manner. My stomach tightens, but this time it’s more than nerves. It’s excitement.

“I know it’s a lot to consider. But you should know that I’d go at whatever pace you’re comfortable with. I’d help you with anything you wanted to know.”

I nod, my mouth suddenly too dry to form words.

“Say something, Becca.”

“But we’re friends. I mean, how would that even work?”

Brilliant, Becca. Way to state the obvious.

Owen nods. “True. We are friends, but you’re beautiful, and I’ve always been attracted to you. I just never let myself act on it because of your friendship with my sister.”

His words ignite something inside me. I’m attracted to him too. God, how could I not be? Those broad shoulders, his firm chest and abs. Focus, Becca.

“But do you really think we can do this? Remain friends and experiment together?”

The word experiment almost makes me laugh—like we’re conducting some fourth-grade science project with baking soda and vinegar in my mom’s kitchen. But at the same time, my question is a serious one, and something I need to know the answer to before I can agree to this. I wait, with my heart in my throat, for Owen’s answer.

He rubs his thumb over his bottom lip, watching me, and stays quiet for a long time. So long that I think he must have changed his mind and is considering how to let me down easy.

Finally, he says, “Feelings generally get hurt when one person is expecting something that the other person never promised.”

I nod, thinking of all the times Owen has probably lived that exact scenario—a girl he slept with wanting him to be her boyfriend. I have the luxury of knowing him well enough to know that he’s never settled down with one girl in all the years I’ve known him, and I would never expect that of him. He’s right. It would only lead to trouble. “That’s true.”

“As long as we both know the score from the start, nothing has to change.”

I smile weakly, my heart pounding out an uneven rhythm. “Let’s try it.”

“Just like that?” His eyes explore mine as if they’re searching for hesitation.

I nod again. “I need your help. If this is the only way I can get help and move forward, I’m willing to try it.”

Truthfully, I feel a little unsure about my ability to separate sex and love, since it’s not something I’ve had to do before. But this is my only shot at getting the help I obviously need to overcome my fears.

“Shit. Are you sure?”

I grin. He obviously wasn’t expecting me to agree to this crazy-town idea so quickly. I guess he doesn’t understand how serious I am about moving past this stagnant part of my life.

“Yes, as long as we agree our friendship always comes first. No deeper feelings. That way no one can get hurt.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” he murmurs, frowning.

I scoff. “Jeez, Owen. Way to hurt a girl’s feelings. You just assume I won’t be enough for you?”

His eyes flash with some unreadable emotion. “It’s not that. I’m more worried I’ll be too much for you.”

Before I can ask him to clarify what he means, he leans back on the couch and pushes his hands through his hair. “You know what? Before we agree to do this, there’s something we need to discuss.”

I’m not sure what he means. We’ve covered the basics—the main one being that our friendship remains the priority.

“What’s that?” I ask.

Owen’s dark hair is a mess, sticking up in the front from his roaming fingers, but it looks oddly adorable messy like that.

He leans forward with his elbows on his knees. “I think you should know that my, um, sexual preferences are probably different from yours.”

“O-kay,” I say slowly, not sure what that means. “I know you like women, so . . .”

He looks at me with a tender expression. “I do. That’s very true.”

Is he purposely trying to be confusing? “So, when you say your tastes are different, what do you mean?”

He hesitates, and I wish in this moment I was a mind reader, because his expression gives nothing away. “You know what? Let’s not worry about that right now. One thing at a time, okay?”

I weigh his words, my mind still scrambling to make sense of this.

“Baby steps,” Owen adds.