All's Well(63)

“Isn’t it a bit early for the set?” Grace says now.

“What do you mean ‘a bit early’?”

“Tech week’s not until next week.”

Tech week. Aka the final week before the show. The week of madness. The week I always capitulate to the fact of Briana. The week I succumb to darkness, the floor of my office, death musings. The week I usually allow Grace to take over. But not this time, not this time.

“Around the corner, Grace. Around the corner. Plus this gives us a great advantage. Getting the set early, what an absolute gift. We have the set people to thank for their expediency, don’t we?”

I hear Grace cough. We have you to thank for fucking Hugo.

“And sound and lighting not too far behind,” I lie. “Luck,” I continue, “appears to be on our side in all things. Ahead of schedule. All of us off book. Just excellent. We’re in such excellent shape. We’re in better shape than we ever have been, wouldn’t you say so, Grace?”

I turn to look at Grace sitting in the audience seat in her hunting vest. Watching me now with an expression I can’t fathom. “Yes,” she says slowly. “I’d say so.”

“So let’s take a moment to congratulate ourselves a little, shall we?” I say. “I especially want to congratulate Ellie,” I say, turning toward her again. She’s turned predictably pink. Confidence, Ellie, confidence. “She stepped up to the lead so extraordinarily, wouldn’t you all agree?”

They all gaze at me for a moment. Then they nod slowly. Ellie stares intently at the floor. I put my arm around her.

“Not only did she learn all those new lines, but she also lived and breathed them for us every afternoon, didn’t she? It’s been such a joy to watch her blossom. So I want to announce that Ellie will be officially taking over the role of Helen.”

“What?” Grace says.

“Let’s all give her a hand, shall we?”

I clap first. Then Trevor. Then they all begin to follow suit, clapping for Ellie. Even Grace comes around, clapping slowly, reluctantly, pointedly. I wish you’d talked to me about this first, Miranda. But I just smile at Grace. I keep clapping and clapping. Because it really is such a joyous occasion. It calls for applause. Ellie looks up from the floor at last. Looks at us all, applauding her. Finally giving her her due. She’s overcome. Beaming now. She’s positively glowing. Glowing as I am glowing. Finally allowing herself an actual moment of happiness. So deserved.

We clap and clap and clap for Ellie. And she nods, thank you, thank you, thank you. But then her smile fades. Her face falls. Goes white.

“Ellie, what is it? Are you okay?”

But she doesn’t answer. She’s looking at something behind me. Not something, someone. Someone behind me.

And I already know before I turn around who it will be. So that when I turn around, I turn smilingly. No dread in my gut. Just this grin on my face. Happy. So happy to see her standing there. Leaning crookedly against the side entrance like the literal undead. Breathing shallowly. Her once burnished hair dull as dust. Staring at me with daggers in her dead-leaf eyes.

“Briana,” I say pleasantly. Is there a crack in my voice? Not at all. “Long time no see. Welcome.”

She doesn’t answer me. She continues to lean heavily against the doorway, regarding me with the dark pits that were once her eyes. She’s grown smaller, paler, in these past weeks. Her little gold cross winks against her frighteningly pale skin. Not wearing her bell sleeves today. Just a drab sweatshirt that hangs on her. The sleeves swallow her small hands, but I see the little white fists bunched inside.

“We’ve missed you,” I say.

Still nothing. Just those eyes. Staring and staring.

“Haven’t we?” I turn to the cast. Ellie looks absolutely horrified. Trevor’s looking away. Guilty, perhaps. Everyone else is just gazing at her in shock. I turn back to Briana and smile.

“Did you come to visit us today?” I ask her. Casual. Play it casual, not surprised. Not horrified in the least by the way she’s still fucking staring at me.

“We’re always happy to have you here, of course,” I continue. “Our door is always open. We’re actually about to start rehearsal so—”

She takes a step toward us then. Stumbles spectacularly. Trevor and Ellie both run to grab her hands, and she collapses into their arms on cue.

I watch them guide her as she limps hideously to the stage. Limps as I used to limp. Same limp. Dragging her right leg, which appears to be quite stiff, locked at the knee. Horror in my heart. Beats to the tune of a black pointed shoe tapping. Yet I’m still smiling, I’m patient, calm as you please as I watch her stumble to the stage. I think of Mark watching me fall. Not calling for help. Just rolling his eyes. Sighing. Give me a break, Miranda.

Everyone gives her a wide berth as she sits there hunched on the edge, still staring straight at me. Trevor and Ellie sit on either side of her, patting her sharp little shoulders. Asking if there is anything else they can get her, anything at all?

“Water,” she whispers, eyes still on me.

Ellie runs to fetch her own bottle from the auditorium seats and runs back and presents it to Briana, practically bowing before her. Briana takes it without thanks. She sips. She smiles darkly at me now, clutching Ellie’s water bottle to her bloodless lips.