All That She Can See(31)
‘George? What on earth are you doing?’ She took his arms in her hands to steady him as he lost his footing on a cobblestone. George’s eyes took a moment to focus on her. ‘Cherry! Oh, Cherry, you’re here! You’re you, and you’re here!’
‘Yes… I’m me and I’m here. Why aren’t you back at work?’
‘Back at work? I’ve not been to work at all.’
‘Why not, George?’ Cherry’s smile fell.
‘I hate work. Gin is much better.’ It was only then that Cherry realised George was drunk. She was a fool not to have seen it but Cherry hadn’t been exposed to many drunken people in her life and she certainly hadn’t expected it from George at one-thirty on a weekday afternoon. She noticed something else too: George’s Meddlum was nowhere to be seen.
‘You’ve been drinking,’ Cherry said.
‘Yup.’
‘At the distillery bar?’
He burped. ‘Yup.’
‘With Chase?’
‘You know what, Cherry, he’s actually all right.’
‘Is he now?’ Cherry took his hand and started guiding him towards the shop.
‘And his drinks! Wowzer!’
‘How have they made you feel?’ A car was slowly approaching and about to stop for them. She got him in through the door but he stumbled at the last moment and landed with a thump on the slate floor. He didn’t seem to feel it though as he just sat himself up and leaned on one of the benches.
‘I feel like I can do… anything!’ He waved his hands and wriggled his fingers. ‘And I can do anything now because I quit my job at the library.’
‘You did what?!’ Sally stood up, her voice booming across the shop. George fiddled with the dirt under his nails.
‘Why, George?’ Cherry asked.
‘Your mother is going to be devastated.’ Sally was packing her cards into her bag. ‘I’ve got some consoling to do. Mrs Partridge has been an old friend for years and you’ve never been grateful for what she’s given you. Even so, I’m going to beg her to give you your job back. FOOL!’ she shouted before marching out of the bakery. Cherry watched Sally sweep through the door, shocked at how her usually soft face had changed so quickly into one that made her shudder.
‘George, I know being a librarian isn’t what you want to do and I fully support your decision to quit and do something else but why have you got yourself into such a state?’ Cherry asked.
‘Cherry,’ George said, wiping sweat off his forehead. ‘You’ve got your life all figured out. This shop is your dream, right?’ Cherry nodded: it was. ‘I just want to live my dream too. I want to be vet… a veter… a…’ Then George leaned his head between his knees and threw up on the slate floor. ‘I’ve been sick on your dream,’ he whimpered.
With a sigh, Cherry hauled George up onto a chair and brought over a bucket for him. She took a mop from the cleaning cupboard and started wiping up his mess. ‘What did Chase have to say about all this?’ she asked, trying not to breathe in the stench.
‘He encouraged me to leave the library. Said I should grow a pair,’ George hiccupped.
A figure appeared at the window. It was small with bowed legs and a hunched back, about the size of a cat which quickly grew to the size of a toddler. Guilt wailed like a toddler too, clawing at the skin on its own face.
‘I didn’t mean to make Mum cry. I don’t want to make her sad, but making her happy means making me sad, and that’s sad,’ George said, hanging his head over the bucket, a forlorn look on his face.
‘I’m sure she’ll forgive you. If you want to be a vet there are ways to go back to school and get the qualifications,’ Cherry reasoned.
‘I have the qualifications. I trained. Five long years it took, and I have a veterinary degree but I’m a librarian because I love my mum. I couldn’t disappoint her.’
‘George, she’s your mum. Surely all she wants is for you to be happy? Talk to her. Explain to her how you feel and I’m sure she’ll come around.’ He shrugged. He looked helpless and suddenly Cherry felt very small; just one person wading waist-deep in a lot of bad feeling. ‘Want a slice of cake?’ Cherry asked, wondering what types of regular cake she had left. George nodded, pushing at the last little bit of sick on the floor with the tip of his shoe.
Cherry moved into the kitchen and sank down onto the floor. Deep breaths, she thought, deep breaths.
‘Chase can’t do this,’ she said to herself. ‘He’s going to ruin lives.’
Loneliness appeared at the back door and although it couldn’t come in she could still hear its voice in her head.
You’re just one person, Cherry. How can you stop him when you’re all alone? He’s stronger than you are. Willing to do more and take things further than you are.
‘It’s all about moderation. Measurements. I’ve spent years figuring this out,’ she muttered. Her heart was pounding and she tried to steady her breathing but she no longer felt she was wading through bad feeling. She was drowning.
Yet he’s already making more of an impact. He’s already got rid of something you’ve been trying to fight for so long now.
‘It takes time!’ Her breathing wasn’t slowing down. If anything, it was getting faster.