All Stars Fall (Seaside Pictures #3.5)(24)

“That was a long sentence.”

“I know.” She exhaled roughly and then her hands were on my chest. She jerked them back. “Sorry. I was trying to find something to hold on to, not someone, just, like a wall to steady myself or—”

“I’ll steady you,” I whispered.

This was bad.

All of it.

I saw her worried face once again as lightning flickered outside. And then it was just us, blanketed in the silent buzz of awareness pulsing between our two bodies.

I’d known her days.

I’d focused on those days instead of the nights.

Because the nights were full of wondering what she tasted like.

Wondering if this would be different if I wasn’t a plus three.

I was afraid to move.

Afraid that if I slid my hand up her arm and cupped her chin, she’d pull away from me, from the kids.

How damn selfish could I be?

It wasn’t just me.

They needed her more than I did.

I took a step back and let out a rough exhale. “I’ll go grab you a flashlight, all right?”

“I can’t see you, don’t go!” Her voice sounded so small.

Reminding me what it felt like to feel needed, and maybe just a little bit wanted too.

I reached out, touching first her shoulder then slowly running my hand down until I found her hand and squeezed it.

She squeezed it back tight.

And I wanted to stay in the darkness and just…exist in that place where uncertainty made me brave enough to hold her hand, and certainty didn’t glare its ugly head and tell me that this would never happen, not in a million years.

“We can go together,” I offered, pulling out my cell with my free hand. “That way you’re not alone.”

She nodded.

When I turned on my cell light, I flicked it to her face briefly. “You have yours on you?”

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone.

Both of us pointed them down the hallway, and we made our way into the master. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable but I kept two flashlights under my bed just in case. It was a dad thing, a keep the kids safe in case of an emergency thing.

I quickly grabbed one and handed it to her. “Here you go.”

“Why do you keep flashlights under your bed?” she asked. Her voice was a lot more calm, which made me relax a bit as she switched on the light and pointed it around the room. “Wow, this is…beautiful.”

Everything was draped in rich blues and browns. It was beautiful. It was mine, the only place that the kids knew was off limits when it came to bedtime, though lately they’d been trying to crash with me even though they knew it was my inner sanctum. Typically if they needed me, I slept in their beds, held their hands, cradled their tiny bodies.

I found myself explaining. “Kids take over…everything. They’re like lovable chaotic tornados.” I shrugged and smiled over at Penny even though the flashlight wasn’t pointed at me but was still bouncing around the enormous master suite. “When we moved here, I wanted to keep something—anything—that was just mine, that reminded me that it would get better. That one day I’d be able to share a room like this with someone who got it, who got us, who accepted us, loved us, who wanted to share this with us.”

The flashlight dropped out of her hand. “Sorry!”

I helped her pick it up, my hand draped across hers.

I jerked back like I’d been burned.

Slowly we both stood.

I knew she was close.

I could smell her, feel her as if we were sharing air, sharing heartbeats, maybe even sharing thoughts.

The pull was so intense I couldn’t think straight.

I purposely pointed the flashlight to the floor and cupped her chin. Our foreheads touched. I could feel her pulse, would have sworn I could hear it, hear her heart hammer against her ribs, hear the sharp intake of breath as I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her mouth.

I knew it was wrong.

Every single rational thought told me it was the worst idea I’d ever had. But she made me feel needed. And I hadn’t realized how much I’d craved that since Jo left us, left me, making me feel inadequate in any and every way a woman knew how.

Penny’s lips parted.

Her flashlight dropped again, but this time it was because she was wrapping her arms around my neck.

I pulled her against me, our mouths met, and we nipped at each other. My lips slid against hers in a way that was so erotic, I was having trouble thinking straight. She was so open to me, so damn beautiful, even in the darkness. I could feel her beauty; it wasn’t the way she looked.

I felt her heart.

She let out a little moan as I dove my free hand into her hair, followed by tracing my tongue across her lower lip. She let out a little gasp that had her body pressing harder against mine.

Blood pounding.

It would be too easy.

It had been over a year, and even before that Jo and I hadn’t been sleeping in the same room.

Too long.

And now I had Penny.

Perfect Penny.

And a bed.

Alone.

In the darkness.

The lights flickered.

And then they were on.

Penny jerked away from me, chest heaving.

I had trouble catching my breath.

I wasn’t sure how long we stared at each other. What I was sure of? That I had made those cheeks pink, I had made those lips swell. And I wanted to do it again.