All Grown Up(73)

Did I love her?

I thought about the way I could stare at her for hours while she slept. How I felt calmer and less stressed than I had in years. How I had zero interest in other women. How she’s the first person I wanted to call if anything good or bad happened.

I tugged at my hair.

Fuck.

When the hell did that happen?

A knock at the front screen door ripped me from my pity party. Val smiled sadly on the other side before letting herself in.

“Bella went to town to get junk food for the long day of travel. Ryan was going to get breakfast, so they went together.” She looked around the empty room. “Looks like you’re all ready to close up.”

I nodded.

She came and sat down next to me on the couch. Her face was free of all makeup, and it looked like she might be a little puffy from crying. Though we were up all night, so it could’ve been that, too.

I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her to me. I didn’t have the strength to look directly at her and do this.

“I suck at goodbyes, Val.” I shook my head and looked down.

Her voice was soft. “So do I.”

We were quiet for a long time. I didn’t want to walk out that door without letting her know what she meant to me, but I also needed to make sure I cut the cord. Town was only a few minutes away, so we didn’t have very long before Bella and Ryan were back.

I racked my brain to come up with the right words, but then realized I didn’t have to figure out how to summarize everything I was feeling. A wise woman had once done that for me.

I turned and cupped her cheek, allowing my thumb to stroke her soft skin one last time. “A while back you asked me if it was possible to have the right feelings at the wrong time. I didn’t understand how that was possible. But I do now.”

A tear leaked from one eye. But then she raised her chin, swallowed, and forced a smile through her sadness. And God, her strength made me fall a little bit harder. I heard the crunch of gravel next door and pulled her to me for one last kiss.

We stared into each other’s eyes until Bella opened the front door. “You ready to go, pain-in-the-ass big brother?”

She was completely oblivious at what she’d walked in on. I took one last, long look at Valentina’s face and nodded. “I guess so.”

Val and I stood. “Take care of yourself, Val.”

“You, too, Ford.”

Valentina walked out first, then Bella, then me. By the time I locked the house up, Bella was already getting into the passenger seat. Val stood at the bottom of her stairs, holding onto the banister. I had to fight myself with every step I took down the stairs and to the car not to run back and grab her—scream what she meant to me and fuck letting her go.

But I wasn’t walking away for me. I was doing it for her, and somehow that gave me the strength—though just barely.

I started the car and looked up from behind the wheel one last time before backing out of the driveway. Our eyes met. Inwardly, I said what I needed to believe was possible, but on the outside I only waved.

Same time next year, maybe?





Chapter 28




* * *





Ford



Two weeks dragged by.

I had no contact with Valentina after I left with Bella. Our only connection had been Montauk and Match, and the summer was over. Though I had taken to stalking Match.com once or twice a day—checking to see if her profile had changed to active. Logically, I understood that I hadn’t fought for her because she needed to see other people—so her profile should change to active. But it was going to slice my heart in two when it did.

In a fucked-up way, I wanted that to happen. I wanted the pain, wanted to know she’d moved on. Maybe being jealous and pissed off would make it easier for me to do just that.

Tonight I’d made plans with Logan, even though I hadn’t been in the mood to go out. He’d busted my balls about being scarce all summer until I agreed to meet for drinks. I figured one drink wouldn’t kill me. We sat at the bar bullshitting for two hours. I’d intentionally picked a place I knew wasn’t a hookup hotspot. I wasn’t in the mood to spend the night talking to a bunch of women I had no interest in.

But I guess that didn’t work out too well.

“Are these seats taken?” a tall blonde said.

I looked around the bar. There were plenty of other open seats. But Logan beat me to the answer.

He pulled out the stool next to him. “We were holding them, just waiting for the two of you to get here.”

I rolled my eyes.

The women giggled.

“I’m Gianna,” the blonde said. She had on a low-cut red shirt, and her tits were spilling out of it.

“I’m Amber.” The brunette offered me her hand.

“Logan Flint.” He lifted Gianna’s hand and brought it to his lips.

No one flirted more than Logan. He didn’t know how to turn it off. It either got him laid or got him smacked—it was fifty-fifty, odds he did pretty damn well with.

“Ford.” I nodded and shook Barbie Number One’s hand.

I might not have been in the mood for company, but there was nothing wrong with my eyesight. They were both pretty. Sexy, actually. Though, I found myself comparing them to Valentina.

Val had a natural beauty, a girl-next-door look that let you see who she was right away. Most women wore masks. I’d never understood why they put so much makeup on, especially when they were young. They painted their entire faces—eyebrows, eyelids, cheekbones, noses, lips—until their skin looked artificial. They thought it hid their flaws, but to me it hid their beauty.