Alex (Cold Fury Hockey #1)(78)

Now, as I gaze out over the kids, I see that several are leaning forward as they listen, and I see one nod her head up and down in agreement. All I need to do is reach one…that is all.

I go on with my talk, pushing the truth that you need to reach out for help. That teachers, school counselors…they are all prepared to help you deal. I tell them how my story turned out successfully. My teacher reached out to my mother, who in turn made my dad go to rehab for the first time. I don’t sugarcoat it; I tell them how he failed at rehab, and how my mom and I were homeless. But I also tell them about Jim-Dad, and how my life turned around, and how my past is what fuels my desire to help others. Most important, I make sure they understand addiction comes in all forms, that my dad’s poison was heroin but that there are a variety of drugs, not to mention alcohol and gambling and sex, that can wreak havoc on peoples’ lives.

Finally, I end my talk with my contact information, including my personal cell phone number. I point out some of the crisis center materials we brought with us that are laid out on tables at the back of the room. I finish to resounding applause, then I introduce Alex, and the cheers turn deafening. I can’t help but smile, because while I had the personal message, Alex’s star still shines brighter than mine. They will listen to him for sure.

I sit in Alex’s chair and listen to him. He doesn’t read from the paper I handed him word for word but he summarizes it nicely, putting his own flavor on it. He then does something that surprises me.

“Before I head out, I want to encourage you to really listen to what Sutton said,” he says as he turns and points to me with a smile. “I’ve come to know her pretty well over the last few months, and there is nothing more important to her than helping out others in need. You can’t be afraid to ask for help. It could make a big difference not only in your life, but maybe to your loved one who is addicted as well.”

Alex thanks the kids for listening and they give him a standing ovation. I want to roll my eyes, but I don’t. I’m too proud of him, as well as myself, because I think this went off far better than I could have ever expected.

We don’t stay around to talk to the students. The principal suggested and we agreed on a quick exit, because as kids will be kids, most were probably only interested in the hockey star in their midst. Still…I’m betting there is at least one kid here today that got the message and will reach out. I’m sure of it.

We walk out of the school and head across the parking lot. I see Alex parked his Suburban right beside my car. The silence between us hangs a bit heavy, but I don’t know what to say. Apparently Alex doesn’t either, because not a peep comes out of him.

When we reach the cars, he walks beside me to my driver’s door. When I reach out with my keys to open it, he grabs my arm and halts me. Turning to him, I have a moment’s hesitation, afraid to look in his eyes. I don’t even know if we have a relationship at this point, given the radio silence between us the last two days.

I finally have the courage to raise my eyes, and relief courses through me as I see warmth and pride on his face, complemented by a big smile. He reaches up and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, then leans in to give me a soft kiss.

“You were amazing, Sutton,” he says quietly. “I’m truly blown away.”

His gaze turns a little sad and then he pulls me in for a hug. “I’m sorry you went through that with Cosmo. I had no idea.”

I shrug my shoulders, as if it’s not a big deal. I mean, I know it’s a big deal, but I’ve made my peace with it. I don’t want him to be sad for me, because I’m not sad for me.

He holds me for a long time, and we just listen to the quiet. Finally, I pluck up the courage. “I missed you.”

Alex squeezes me in response and murmurs in my ear. “I missed you too. A lot.”

Taking two steps back, Alex pulls me with him and leans back against his Suburban. Spreading his legs, he pulls me in between and rests his hands on my hips. “I’m sorry I didn’t call while I was gone.”

I give him a smile that tells him it’s okay. “I didn’t call you either.”

“I’m actually glad you didn’t,” he admits with a wince. “I…um, was sort of caught up in some family drama and just needed some space.”

He doesn’t want to talk details. I can tell by the look on his face and the tension in his shoulders, so all I ask is, “Are you okay? I mean, did everything work out okay?”

“Yeah, I think so,” he says, then looks off across the parking lot. The late afternoon sun hits his eyes and lightens them to a pale blue, which pop even brighter because of his thick, dark lashes.

When he turns to look back at me, he says, “I wanted to apologize again…for the way I acted in New York. I don’t have any excuse.”

I’m surprised by how bothered he still is by that. He already apologized to me, and clearly I accepted it, because I let him inside my body after that. I thought that spoke volumes, so I’m not sure why he still feels the need for forgiveness.

“Alex…it’s okay—” I start to assure him but he cuts in.

“No…it’s not. It’s not okay because I’m afraid it will happen again. I feel like I’m on a tightrope sometimes, a balancing act that I’m constantly maintaining just so I can be with you. But I feel myself tilting off it more and more lately. It’s a constant push and pull within me, and half the time I feel like I should break things off with you to avoid hurting you more down the road. Honestly…it’s why I didn’t call you the last few days. I was thinking of ending things.”