Again, But Better(17)

Pilot, Atticus, and Babe are on their second Guinnesses, and Sahra’s almost done with her glass of red wine. She’s telling us about her boyfriend, Val, and how much her family loves him. They took him with them last summer to Lebanon.

When the conversation dies down, Pilot suggests we play a drinking game called 21 that I’ve never heard of, but turns out to be amazing. We cackle our way through the entire game. Everyone gets to make all sorts of random rules that correlate with the numbers between one and twenty-one. Babe creates a ridiculous one that has us all standing up and rotating to the chair on our right. Every round sends us moving around the table like we’re performing some weird, poorly choreographed dance, and every time we get up to rotate, we start laughing uncontrollably. My abs are sore when we finish.

“Have you guys used Skype to call home yet?” Sahra asks, as we sober up from the game. “You can purchase minutes, and then use them to call the US, instead of spending a million dollars on your phone. It’s great. I’ve been talking to Val on it because the internet for video-chatting kinda sucks here.”

“I guess I should do that,” I pipe in. “I still haven’t actually spoken to my parents since I got here. I’ve never used Skype before, but I’ve heard legends,” I add dramatically. “It can’t be too difficult, right?”

“How have you never used Skype?” Pilot says in disbelief.

Babe laughs. “It’s super-easy—my parents can do it. We have a Skype date tomorrow afternoon, to talk about the Rome trip.”

“Yeah, you’ll be fine. It’s self-explanatory,” Sahra adds with a smile.

I smile back happily (Sahra smiles are rare) and take another small sip of my wine. I try not to wince as the sourness coats my tongue.

“I Skyped with my parents earlier,” Atticus says. “Which reminds me, did you get to Skype your girlfriend, Pilot? Sorry I was on the phone for so long.” Time slows.

I blink.

Um. What.

What does he mean, girlfriend? What does he mean, girlfriend? What does he mean, girlfriend? My stomach does five hundred backflips as I turn my head to gauge Pilot’s reaction. He’s mid-gulp of Guinness. I try to meet his eyes, but he focuses on Atticus.

“I, uh, no. It’s okay, no worries,” he says before looking down into his drink.

I catch Babe’s eye, and her expression of shock mirrors what I’d imagine my own face looks like right now. My eyes whip to Sahra—composed, as usual.

Babe speaks first. “You have a girlfriend?” she exclaims, voicing my thundering thoughts aloud.

My mouth feels dry. I think I’m slowly sinking down through the floor. I’ve hit an iceberg.

“Yeah, you didn’t know?” Atticus says, sounding excited to reveal something we all didn’t know first.

Pilot looks up at Babe. “Yeah, but we’ve only been dating for three months,” he adds dismissively. His eyes bounce around the table and stop on mine. I hold his gaze for a split second before looking away.

Only three months.

“Oh,” Babe says, like that explains something.

“Yeah, I asked her if she’d be up for putting things on hold … while I went abroad because I wanted to travel, and so we wouldn’t have to worry about the long-distance thing, but she didn’t like that idea.” He chuckles nervously. “Do any of you have a boyfriend? I mean, I know you do, Sahra.”

“Nope,” Babe answers cheerily.

“Single,” Atticus sings.

Pilot’s gaze falls on me.

I’m underwater. I stare at him for a moment before he repeats himself directly to me. “Do you?”

Resurface. I clear my throat. “Um, no. I, I’ve never, um, dated someone that I, um, I liked enough to keep dating,” I say softly.

I can practically hear my cousins snickering: You’ve never dated anyone. A flush burns its way up my neck.

Pilot’s expression lights up. “Same!”

Babe nods her head at him in vigorous agreement. My armpits feel hot.

“I never really felt like I wanted a relationship, er, and then I met Amy, and we started dating and now, um, she’s the first real relationship I’ve had,” he continues.

Inhale. Exhale.

“So you’re going to stay together long distance, then?” Babe asks.

He frowns for a moment. “I don’t know, really. We’ll see what happens.”

We’ll see what happens?

There’s the lifeboat. I clamber onto it and try to breathe normally again while Pilot brings up my idea for a Flat Three card night tomorrow. I don’t comment. Babe proclaims her excitement. Sahra might join us, but doesn’t sound too enthused. Atticus might be able to join us after theater.


1/13/11 2:00 a.m.

He has a girlfriend. Of course he does. How could he not? My stomach’s a churning pit of steaming embarrassment. And guilt! He has a girlfriend?!?!?

I keep replaying the conversation from the pub and feeling like an idiot.

What have we been doing, then? It’s only been three days, but I feel like we’ve been taking walks and flirting forever. It felt like we were kind of, sort of, dating. I built up all these hopes. Now they’re all withering around in pieces on the floor of the pub.

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!