Again, But Better(109)

* * *



Pilot and I have been mutually avoiding each other. I don’t know what happened with Amy after that day; maybe he did go back to her. Which is fine. I told him to.

When spring break rolls around, I’ve already made plans way in advance with Babe to take on Florence, Pisa, and Venice. I did ask her if she’d rather go to Dublin alone. She said, “I can travel alone anytime. How often are we going to get to travel Italy together?” We have a grand ol’ time, and I put together a post about our touristy adventures.

At work, Donna has completely taken me under her wing. This past week, she’s been helping me work out how I want to format my piece, and we’ve talked about her personal life. I have her phone number now. I think we were on track to having a work friendship during London: Take One, but I most definitely was too intimidated by her success and coolness to talk to her casually about life when I was twenty. That instinct is still present to some extent, but it’s easier to tamp it down and ignore it. It’s weird how we have to get a little older to realize that people are just people. It should be obvious, but it’s not.





23. I Have Confidence in Me



February 28, 2011 (take two) Mom and Dad,

I’ll see you two on Thursday. I’m nervous, but I’m ready for you this time.

XO,

Shane





* * *



Somehow, it’s March. I’m in the kitchen with Atticus and Babe. They’re watching Glee, and I’m sitting next to them, staring blindly at the wall, clutching the leather armrest.

When the time comes, I stand up calmly.

“Are those your parents?” Atticus smiles.

“Yeah, they’re visiting this weekend,” I tell them. I suck in a deep breath before stepping out of the kitchen and closing the door behind me.

“Hi, sweetheart!” My dad sweeps me into a hug.

When he releases me, my mother swoops in. “Shane, surprise!”

“Take us into the kitchen. I want to meet your friends!” he exclaims.

“Can we just hang out the three of us tonight?” I ask immediately.

“We want to meet your friends and take them out! Then the three of us have all weekend,” he says.

“Sweetie, we’re so excited to get a taste of the world you’re living in out here!” my mom gushes.

“Okay,” I reason, “I’ll introduce them now, and then we’ll go out to dinner just the three of us, okay?”



* * *



“So all of you been traveling every weekend, huh?” my father asks as he drops his glass on the table.

We sit around a small circular table at Delia’s. My feet vibrate against the floor. That’s how fast they’re moving.

“Oh my gosh, yeah. Shane, why haven’t you been posting anything on Facebook?” Mom asks.

“I’ve been posting on my blog,” I point out. My armpits are sweating.

“I don’t know how to get to your blog. Can you send it to me in an email?” Dad commands.

I fiddle with my napkin. “I’ve put links to some of the posts on Facebook.”

“Yes, I’ve been following the posts, honey, but the family wants to see pictures! You’re taking pictures, right? This is such a dream come true, to be able to keep up with your studies and travel the world at the same time.” Emotion coats her voice. Her smile wobbles with pride.

“Well, I’ve put some of the pictures in the blog posts.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same as on Facebook!” Mom laughs.

“So where have you gone? Give us the rundown,” my father says jovially.

I provide a rundown.

“Sounds like you’re having the time of your life. Can we stay here with you for the rest of the trip?” Dad suggests jokingly.

I chuckle uncomfortably.

“Tell us about work!” my mom prompts. “I want to hear gory details!”

“We don’t need the gory details,” Dad shoos. “Just tell us about it. You learning a lot?”

Inhale. Exhale. Fiddle with a napkin. “Um, yeah…” My breaths are coming in big, swollen bursts. You can do this.

Mom puts a hand on my shoulder. “Are you all right, honey?”

Breathe. “Yeah. I’m fine, I. Okay.”

“Okay?” my mom repeats.

“Drink some water or something!” Dad urges. I down a gulp of water. They watch me for a long moment.

“Are you okay?” Dad asks again.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m good.”

“Good.” Mom smiles.

“Okay, so how’s the health clinic going?” he repeats.

“I have to tell you guys something.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” My mom smiles. “As long as you don’t get pregnant—”

I cut her off. “No.”

“Okay, no need to get crabby. What is it?” She laughs.

Her demeanor sobers quickly when my facial expression doesn’t change. “Shane, what is it?”

I take one last breath and exhale the words, “I lied about this being a premed program.”

Dad’s face juts forward. “What?”