After Dark (The Night Owl Trilogy #3)(66)

“Hannah. He’s gone.”

“Okay,” I said. But it wasn’t okay. But it had to be okay. Now I understood. My mind began to spin at the speed of panic. “You told Matt?”

“Yes. Are you sure he isn’t in the house?”

“Pretty positive. I’ll check right now.” I was already on my feet, running. I flicked on lights as I went. Flash, flash, flash. That huge house lit up room by room. Would I find Matt curled in a corner? Sprawled on the floor?

Gruesome images intruded.

“Get your cell and his. Keep them with you. Call nine-one-one.”

I started to shake—call 911?—and forced myself to be still.

“What do I say? Are you sure?”

“Yes. This is an emergency. I’m not sure if you…” He trailed off, then started over. “Tell them your fiancé just received news of his brother’s death and has gone missing. Give them the timeline. Tell them there’s a history of suicide attempt.”

Again, the shaking.

Again, I made myself relax.

“Okay. Calling now. I’ll call from my cell. Be right back.”

I dialed 911, which I had never done before, and after a series of quick questions, the dispatcher told me police and EMS were on the way. She instructed me to remain calm and double-checked my address. “Do not leave the residence,” she said. When she told me I could hang up, I ended the call robotically.

“Thank you, Hannah,” said Nate. “Are you okay?”


“Uh … no, yes…” I touched my chest and forehead. I couldn’t actually tell if I was okay. My mind kept spinning, spinning—this is an emergency, Seth’s heart stopped, Matt might be in trouble, I need you to stay calm.

This was not a dream.

Despite the dispatcher’s instructions, I walked around outside the house while I waited for the police. I called for Matt every few minutes. Chilly wind billowed through the meadow.

“The suicide attempt,” I said to Nate. “Tell me about it.”

“You didn’t know?”

“I read about it online—last year, when Bethany outed him. Fit to Print published a bunch of stuff.” Fear suppressed any embarrassment I might have felt. I spoke in a too-calm, measured voice, covering the receiver and lowering the phone when I hollered Matt’s name. “The article wasn’t detailed. It mentioned a psych ward…”

“Right. If—when we find him, we might want to move him for a while.”

Move him. Code for “have him committed.”

Over my dead body.

“Tell me what happened. We never talked about it.” But we should have, I realized. I should have pushed Matt to tell me about his past instead of ignoring it or waiting for him to mention it. As if he ever would.

“There isn’t much to tell. He…” Nate’s confident tone wavered. “Our parents’ passing … he never dealt with that. Emotionally. Psychologically. The drinking didn’t help. He was in grad school, and … tried to overdose. He left a note.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Nate, I’m so sorry about—”

“Please. I’m not ready to discuss that.”

My heart constricted. How could Nate compartmentalize so well? Seth Sky was dead. No, God—I couldn’t believe that. Thumbs-up … we gave each other a thumbs-up after he cleaned the word “slut” off my car. I saw his sad smile. He was so alive.

“When he got sober,” Nate continued, “he wanted to leave everything behind. Ella and Rick, the East Coast. He bought a place in Montana and stayed there awhile, then moved to Denver … maybe to be close to his agent, I don’t know. She was his only friend for a while.”

I leaned against the house and shuddered.

Matt knew almost everything about me—he’d teased out my life story during our first few phone calls—and I knew almost nothing about him.

One dry, hoarse sob escaped me.

What if I never got the chance?

I slid to the ground, folding under the weight of guilt. Seth was gone. He’d needed someone, anyone, and no one helped him.

It would serve me right if Matt was gone, too, because I didn’t deserve him. He’d come alongside me for a while, never belonging to me, and now he was gone.

“Hannah, you’ve got to hold it together.”

“I can’t. How? How are you doing it?”

“Faith,” he said.

“I don’t have any faith.”

I heard sirens—a faint tremolo growing louder—and soon I saw blue and red lights flashing in the dark.

*

When the police and paramedics arrived, I had to get off the phone with Nate, which made me cry.

“You’re all right,” he said. “I’m here; I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be buying a ticket to fly out tomorrow. Call me back as soon as you can.”

Then I sat in the kitchen with a female officer and told her everything.

Her partner searched the house.

Another group of officers combed the property, their flashlight beams glancing eerily off the windows and their calls making me flinch. Matthew Sky! Matt Sky! Matt!

Lost boy, I thought, just like Seth. And I had played a cruel game with Seth’s heart. Matt had played a cruel game with Seth’s mind. I should disappear, too … join them …