Addicted to You (Addicted #1)(39)

“Stop.” His voice sounds pained again. “Just…stop.”

I’m so confused. “What do you want me to do? I can’t go without it. You’re drinking!” It’s so unfair. “Why can’t I have sex?”

“Because we’re supposed to be together!” he yells. “You’re supposed to be my girlfriend.” Before I can ask him to elaborate, he goes to the door, purposefully trying to avoid my questions. “I’ll be at the pool.”





*


I spend most of the day shivering in a shower, trying to force myself to forget Lo and the male server and body parts. Self-love does nothing but frustrate me, and I sink to the cold tiles, crying the pain away.

Lo confuses me. Does he want to be with me? Or is he just afraid I’m going to ruin our lie? I can’t find the meaning to his words, no matter how hard I repeat them.

I skip dinner, but Rose barges in my room and knocks on the door. “What are you doing in there?”

I shut off the faucet and wrap a towel around my wet, wrinkly skin. When I step out of the bathroom, she appraises my state. I mutter, “We had a fight.”

“You and Lo?” Her eyes harden. “What’d he do?”

I shake my head. “I’m not even sure.” Tears build again.

“That asshole,” she says before going to my suitcase. “I knew something was wrong at dinner.” Did he look trashed? My heart sinks at the thought of Lo drinking himself into oblivion because of me.

“How so?” I ask.

She finds my charcoal bathing suit and hands it to me. “He was really quiet,” she says, actually not making a snide remark. “He excused himself early, and I saw him sit on the deck and watch the sunset.”

“Oh,” I say softly. I finger the bathing suit. “What’s this for?”

“Poppy, Daisy and I are going to the hot tub. I thought you should join.”

“I don’t feel well—”

“I know, but maybe being surrounded by other people who love you will help.”

I’m not talking about my broken heart. My hands tremble even as I hold the cloth, and I don’t know how much more I can take without having sex. I need to find the server, but Lo’s expression stops me from making a move. I don’t want to betray him, and if there’s something there—just a chance that it exists—I don’t want to ruin it. Not for anything. But I worry that I may.

I don’t have the strength to argue with Rose. So I begin to dress in the bathing suit, dropping my towel.

“Is the fight serious?” she asks, sitting on the bed with crossed legs.

I shoot her a look. “Don’t act so happy about it.”

“What? I’m not enjoying your sadness, but I’m not going to pretend to be upset if you two break up.”

“Why do you hate him so much?” I tie straps around my neck.

“I don’t hate him,” she refutes. “He annoys me, but I don’t hate him. Maybe dislike.” She runs her fingers over the nautical bedspread. “I don’t think he’s good for you. Is it so bad that I think you can do better?”

“No,” I whisper, fully dressed now. “But Lo and I…” I try to find the words. “We may not be good for each other, but sometimes I feel like he’s the only guy who could ever love me.” And that’s the truth. Because who would love this? A girl who sleeps around. A whore. A slut. Trash to be disposed. That’s what everyone sees.

“You think too lowly of yourself,” Rose says, standing. “If you don’t love yourself, Lily, how can anyone love you back?” She wraps an arm around my shoulder. “And you don’t need a guy to fulfill you. I wish you would remember that.”

And I wish that were true.





*


The stars twinkle overhead as all of my sisters soak in the warm, bubbling hot tub at the bow of the yacht. For this quiet hour, it seems like we’re the only ones who exist.

Thirty minutes in and I already know this is a bad idea. The jet behind my backside does nothing but lead my fantasies to dark, sensual places. And my mind has drifted so frequently that I’m surprised I haven’t fallen asleep and been afflicted with a hot sex dream.

All that keeps me present are my sisters’ numerous games like “Never Have I Ever”—in which I learned that Rose and Daisy are still virgins. Good for them. Thankfully Rose steers the conversation away from Lo and relationships. Mostly, I listen to Daisy talk about her week in Paris and the cute models, which also does not help my cause.

Then, I hear the clap of shoes across the wooden boards. I glance over my shoulder, and I try not to audibly sigh or moan or do anything at the sight of the attractive server. He sets down four towels for us and makes eye contact with me, clearly a signal, before he departs.

So this is it. I want to say no, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t have sex. And Lo hasn’t offered. So…

Here I go. I fake yawn. “I’m going to head to bed, girls,” I tell them, climbing out.

Rose watches me. “You’ll be okay?”

I nod. “Yeah. I need to talk to Lo anyway.”

“If you need backup, I’m happy to lend my nails,” she says with a smile.