Addicted for Now (Addicted #2)(135)

“We can actually,” I refute. “There’s the door. Fuck the trust fund.”

“It’s not about the trust fund.” I know.

She trying to fix all the damage she created. She’s even rebuilding a relationship with her father. We still don’t attend those Sunday luncheons, but he calls her after they end to catch up.

Her mother is a different story.

Lily squeezes my hand, and I stare at the way her fingers intertwine with mine. Last week, we wouldn’t have been able to do this. Last week, she would have burst into tears before I touched her.

“Just trust me. It’s like a game,” she says.

I narrow my eyes. “A game in which you get shocked for fun?” I mock gasp. “Are you into the S&M part of BDSM and didn’t tell me?”

She punches my arm, and I grab onto her wrist, pulling her in for a kiss. She’s going to need it.





{ 43 }

LILY CALLOWAY



“What did I say about kissing and touching during our sessions?” Dr. Evans says angrily.

I try to subdue my smile as I break away from Lo. “Sorry.” I don’t feel that apologetic. I’m only here for my parents. I don’t believe in Dr. Evan’s methods anymore, and I try my best not to take his words to heart.

But the armor that I’m building still has a few chinks.

Like right now. Dr. Evans holds a small electrical box, and I have the sudden urge to vomit all over his ugly carpet. He sticks two electrodes to the inside of my wrist and then passes me the box. I set it on my lap and rotate the knob to the lowest shock level.

“I think you can go higher than that today.”

“She doesn’t want to,” Lo interjects.

“Make no mistake, Loren, this is my office. I can have you escorted out if I feel like you’re hindering my patient’s treatment.”

“It’s fine,” I say quickly and turn the dial a couple notches. Too bad I don’t have the remote. That device rests in Dr. Evans sweaty palm, the commander of this torture.

“I’ll let you choose what you want to try today. Fantasies or porn.”

“Porn.” Having to relay my fantasies out loud is incredibly embarrassing, and he shocks me more when I start describing positions and body parts.

“Actually, how about we do both.” He reaches into his desk, pulls out a magazine and slides it to me. I set the mag on the armrest between Lo and me, and then I flip it open, already knowing the drill. Nude women don’t make me aroused, but the photographs with the couples do. As soon as I glance at a picture—Buzzzzz!—the shock ripples through my wrist and up my arm.

I let out a short breath and clench my hand. Lo rubs my back, and another shock jostles my wrist. My hand twitches.

“What the hell?!” Lo shouts.

Dr. Evans ignores Lo for the moment. “Look at the pictures, Lily, and describe a fantasy you might have if you were staring at these on your own.”

I instinctively glance at Lo, considering he would be in my fantasy, which is the wrong reaction. The shock pulses through my hand again, and I try to keep my arm still so Lo can’t tell. But he’s breathing heavily beside me, forcing himself in the seat and not at Dr. Evans’ throat.

“Loren, can you please move to the other chair.” Dr. Evans points to a cushiony one in the corner, as far away from me as possible.

Lo opens his mouth, and I have to cut him off. Last time he told Dr. Evans to suck his cock, and I’m not sure that’s going to blow over well a second time. “He’s fine. I don’t even see him,” I say quickly, returning my focus to the pictures.

Buzzzz! I flinch. What did I do?

I’m starting to think Dr. Evans just likes to press that little button.

“Find a picture that’s particularly arousing for you.”

I flip through the magazine, bypassing all the large jugs and vaginas but having no luck. They really don’t make these for women. “Anything?”

“The internet just has a better selection,” I admit, still flipping aimlessly.

“Use this then.” He holds out an electronic tablet. I haven’t been on the internet since Lo banned surfing the web, and the lack of temptation has been nice. My days are easier without it.

I swap the magazine for the tablet and log onto Tumblr. This feels different than browsing through the magazine. Maybe because this has been a staple in my routine. I haven’t looked at mags since high school.

Having Dr. Evans watch me do this is a little personal.

“Find a photograph and describe your fantasy.”

I don’t want to, but I remind myself that my parents have been dealing with more difficult stuff than this. Suck it up, Lily.

I easily land on one that causes me to shift in my chair. A sting pinches my wrist. Fuck. I cringe, and Lo cranes his neck to look at the tablet.

“Talk,” Dr. Evans urges.

It’s a gif of a girl without any pants (or underwear) and a fully clothed guy. We can only see the lower half of the couple, but the guy runs his hand back and forth between her legs. “My fantasy?” I ask, wanting to avoid this portion.

“Yes, what do you visualize when you look at the photo.”

“Lo,” I say, “doing this to me, and then maybe he’d actually put his fingers…in…” Buzz! Buzzz! Buzzzz! “Motherf*cker,” I curse under my breath and close my eyes tight.