Addicted After All (Addicted #3)(70)

Maybe his comments have affected me over the years. “I shouldn’t have taken them so personally…”

He shakes his head a couple times. “No. I shouldn’t have f*cking said them in the first place.” He lets out a deeper sigh, frustrated with himself.

I don’t want him to feel bad. It’s not even the source of why I’ve been dodging him. “You don’t understand,” I whisper. How can I say this? My face scrunches in a wince. And I stare at his feet, the shameful heat swirling around me. “I really am gross. I mean…I’ve been aroused so much lately that almost anything turns me on, even things that never did before.”

The silence deadens the bathroom.

“Like what things?” Ryke asks, and I can almost hear the gears clicking in his brain.

I can’t look at them.

“Us?” Ryke asks. “Or just me?” Both.

“I’m sorry,” I say. My instincts scream retreat, retreat, retreat! So I dart into the stall and shut it closed, my heart thumping against my ribcage.

“Lily—”

“You don’t need to say anything.” I take this time to change into my clean clothes, unfolding the black pants and finding a pair of purple cotton panties.

I don’t think too much about the fact that Ryke picked them out from my drawer.

“So this hasn’t been about the three-way rumors then?” Ryke calls out.

“No.” I’ve already accepted those rumors for what they are. The old me that would obsess and be affected by them has been buried away. I’ve been avoiding him because of something worse.

He keeps talking to me. “Look, I know you feel badly about this, but you shouldn’t.”

I frown, not expecting this reaction. After changing, I zip up my pants and step out of the stall, bundling my dirty clothes together. I need to see his face.

The minute I do, I only see compassion.

Daisy even looks empathetic. “We could’ve toned it down. I didn’t know…”

I shake my head fiercely. “No, that was the last thing I wanted you to do. You’re a new couple. You deserve to bask in it, and I didn’t want to take that from you. Especially since Lo and I aren’t discreet.” It would’ve been hypocritical to tell them to stop when Lo and I are almost always touching. I stare between them. “Why aren’t you disgusted by me?” I feel it. It’s like every pore needs to be scrubbed clean.

“Because it’s not disgusting,” Ryke says forcefully. “It’s f*cking normal. People can get off by anything, even inanimate objects.”

“But I know you…” I just don’t understand how they can look at me and not see a freak? And why is that all I see when I stare in the mirror?

“I have a confession to make,” Daisy pipes in, raising her hand as she sits on the sink. “When I was younger, I totally had a crush on Lo.”

I end up smiling, and Ryke is staring at her like what the f*ck?

“Really?” I say.

She nods. “I thought he was really hot.”

“How young?” Ryke asks.

“Twelve, thirteen, somewhere around there. He was my first crush.”

A cool breeze washes over my hot anxiety as I begin to realize that I may not be so different from everyone else. It doesn’t extinguish all the bad parts, but it makes me feel a bit better in a way.

Ryke stares at her with this hard, dark gaze. “My little brother was your first f*cking crush.”

“If only you knew me back then,” she says, swinging her legs.

He shakes his head. “I’m glad I didn’t know you back then. I would’ve been twenty.” And then he glances at me. “We’re okay now?”

I let out a deep breath. “I think so.” I doubt I’ll feel good about being aroused by their make-out sessions, but at least I know that it’s not the biggest regression on my part. I just have to believe that it’s okay. What Lo always says. And try to squash my arousal. I’m just happy that my hormones may go back to their usual level after I give birth.

At least, I hope they do.

“Good. I f*cking missed you.” He did? “Maybe you should pee your pants more often.” He almost smiles. There is the Ryke Meadows I know…and yes, I love him too.

I squint, trying to narrow my eyes. “Not funny.” And then I trash my dirty clothes and head to the door, possessing way more confidence than I had. I’m not sure where it came from. Probably both my sister and Lo’s brother. It’s strange how other people can boost you to a higher, better place than you were before.

Ryke clips his backpack to his chest again. “Alright, I’m f*cking out of here.”

I don’t want to mention how he’s made a very surly first impression with the board. It’s best that he stays oblivious to it so I can beat him.

Daisy hops off the sink counter and says, “Can I ask for another favor before you leave? Don’t freak out though.”

His stares down at her, questioningly. “What is it?” I have no idea where she’s going with this.

Though she seems nervous, fiddling with her fingers. “Can you…kiss me in front of everyone on your way out?” Oh, good plan! The men will realize that she’s clearly with Ryke and they may stop being so handsy.