Addicted After All (Addicted #3)(12)

Ryke shoots me a look. “Lo, f*ck off.”

I ignore him while Daisy acknowledges me. And I ask point-blank, “Have you ever tried to sleep by having sex?” It takes more effort to keep a straight-face, not cringing, than it does to say the words.

“You don’t have to answer him,” Ryke tells her. And he mouths to me, shut the f*ck up. Too late for that.

Her face stays red. “Not on purpose, no…” She opens her mouth to add more but she hesitates.

“Don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings,” I tell her. “I can take it.” That’s why she always holds back—why everyone walks on eggshells around Lily and me. Afraid they’ll fracture us like we’re glass dolls. I’m past that. All the damage has been done. You can’t break something that’s already broken.

“…I didn’t want to use sex like that.” She adds quickly, “Not to say that what you do with Lily is wrong, I just…” She lets out a breath. “Maybe I should try…”

“No, you don’t want to,” Ryke interjects.

“But Lo says—”

“Lo, I’m going to f*cking kill you,” Ryke growls at me, his glare murderous. “You don’t have all the f*cking answers.”

I raise my hands. “Calm down, Chewbacca, it was just a suggestion.” I nod to Daisy. “He’s right. You obviously don’t want to do it, so don’t do it.”

“Don’t do what?” Lily suddenly plops down on my crotch, straddling my lap. Her hands lie flat on my chest. She puts her face really close to mine and whispers, “Why are you on the floor?” Her cheeks are glowing with this euphoric happiness that causes me to smile almost immediately.

She’s wearing long johns and her white fuzzy Wampa hat, and I’m swept in a flashback: she was seventeen, standing outside my childhood house in those same camping underwear. Just as adorable as she is now.

My nose brushes hers in a feather-light touch, and I hear her breath sharpen. My lips to her ear, I murmur, “I was prepared for you to straddle me.”

She shoves my chest playfully and I laugh, grasping her hips so she realizes that I want her right here, not any further away. Not a foot or a yard. She subconsciously digs her pelvis into me, and I swallow a groan as the pressure builds in my cock. I’m used to it.

I’m even used to the red flush that grows from her neck to her forehead. She catches herself mid-grind and freezes. I tug on her Wampa ear-flaps while she notices everyone staring.

“Hi,” she says. “…what’d I interrupt?”

“Nothing,” Daisy says quickly.

“That’s not suspicious,” Connor announces as though he expected better from her. Like she’s a goddamn master of deception. I mean, she hid a lot from us, but she’s not that good.

Lily’s gaze darts from Ryke to Connor to me. “You guys aren’t ganging up on her are you?” She pauses with a sharp inhale. “I mean not like that!”

I wince, suddenly realizing that she took “gang” to a sexual level.

“Lily,” Ryke groans, his hands on his head in distress. He looks how I feel. Connor is still complacent. I wish I could be like that, but my mind needs scrubbed.

“Sorry!” she shouts, covering her eyes. “I thought everyone was thinking it.” She peeks out at me. “You were thinking it, right?”

“Sure,” I lie.

She moans into her hands, catching my dry tone easily.

“Lily, it’s okay,” Daisy says. “No big deal.”

Lily blows out a long breath, and I massage her shoulders. Then a pair of heels clicks across the floorboards. Here we go.

“Is everyone ready?” Rose asks, an envelope between her fingers.

“I thought we were waiting till the afternoon?” I say.

“Everyone’s together right now.” She actually withholds a spiteful retort. And it’s clear how nervous she is, the fear flickering in her yellow-green eyes. Connor must sense it too because he instantly draws her to his chest and grips her waist firmly. Her black dress shows off her baby bump, which is much bigger than Lily’s small one.

It scares me.

I know every girl’s body is different—but sometimes I wonder whether Lily may lose our baby, just in comparison to Rose’s size. And that frightens me even more…that I’d fear losing something that I never wanted to begin with.

These feelings are crazy. I get to experience every f*cked up emotion without a crutch. No Maker’s Mark. No Macallan or Jameson.

I think I’m okay with that. Even when it hurts.

Lily unfurls her crumpled envelope, and my back straightens, leaning against the lower cupboards, Lil still on my lap.

“Are you going first?” Lily asks her sister, craning her neck over her shoulder.

Rose shakes her head, her collarbones protruding as she holds in a breath. “No, you go.” Connor speaks in French, not caring that Ryke can eavesdrop, and Rose replies in a hushed voice.

“Should I get my camera?” Daisy asks with a bright smile. It almost distracts me from the dark circles under her eyes.

“Use your phone,” Lily says, her hands shaking with nerves. “But don’t post anything on Instagram.”

Daisy mock gasps. “I already did.”