A Woman Is No Man(83)

Something came to Fareeda then, a puzzle piece snapping into place. Her eyes shot to the door. She cut off Umm Ahmed, slammed the phone down, and rushed outside. She lowered herself onto the front stoop, pulling her nightgown over her knees as she did so. A hint of sunlight flickered on her legs, making them yellower than usual. She fingered the edge of her nightgown, pulling it lower still. Behind her Isra and Nadine called her name, softly at first but then with more force, but she refused to look at them. No. She would sit there until Sarah came home from school, until she figured out what was wrong. If her daughter wasn’t cursed, then why hadn’t any of the suitors proposed marriage? What had her daughter done?

The sky darkened and rain started to fall, beating against Fareeda’s face. She didn’t get up, didn’t move. All she could think of was Sarah. Her daughter must have done something to have ruined her reputation. But what? And how? She came home straight from school every day, she had never once left the house alone. So what could she have possibly done? She heard Isra and Nadine approaching again.

“I’m staying right here,” she said when Nadine touched her shoulder. “Right here until Sarah comes home.” She turned to stare them down. Nadine squinted at her, but Isra’s eyes skirted to one side. Fareeda couldn’t tell whether it was one of her stupid expressions or if she knew something Fareeda didn’t. It was possible. With all the time they spent together, Isra could’ve picked up on something. Sarah could’ve even told her. Right there under her nose all this time.

“Isra,” she said, lifting herself up. “Has Sarah told you something? Something that might explain why none of her suitors have proposed?”

Isra stared back at her with round eyes. “No. She hasn’t told me anything.” She said each word as though they pained her on the way out. Fareeda studied Isra’s face, the trembling lip, the meek expression. The face of a child. Clearly she knew nothing. She wondered how Adam must feel, coming home to that face every night. It was no wonder he came in reeking of sharaab. Despite her disapproval, she couldn’t blame him, had even covered up for him once when Khaled had found a can of Budweiser in the trash outside. She sighed and sat back down to wait for her daughter.

By the time the school bus finally let Sarah off at the corner, the sky had mostly cleared. Fareeda rose to meet her.

“What are you up to?” Fareeda began as Sarah approached the house.

Sarah dropped her backpack to the ground, took another step toward her. “What are you talking about?”

“All the girls in your class have had marriage proposals,” Fareeda said, waving her hands. “All but you!” Sarah took a step back, stealing a glance at Isra. “It doesn’t make sense. Umm Fadi is turning down suitors for her daughter left and right. Umm Ali’s daughter is already engaged, and she’s hideous. Even Hannah is married!”

Sarah opened her mouth but said nothing. Fareeda moved closer. “You must be up to something,” she said, her index finger almost touching Sarah’s forehead. “All these suitors, and not one has come back. Tell me! What have you done?”

“Nothing, Mama!” Sarah said. “I haven’t done anything.”

“You expect me to believe that? Walek, look at you! Men should be lined up at my door. Mothers should be calling me day and night begging for you! But they take one look at you and never return. What are you doing behind my back?” Sarah gave no answer but there was defiance in her eyes. “I asked you a question. Answer me!”

“I already told you. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“You have the nerve to give me an attitude? Unbelievable!” Fareeda reached out and struck Sarah full in the face with the flat of her palm. The force of her blow caused the girl to step back, cupping her cheek in her hand.

“Come here!” Fareeda reached out, grabbed Sarah’s hair, and pulled it hard. “This is what I get for not beating you more often! I must have raised a sharmouta! That’s why no one will come near us! That’s why I still have an eighteen-year-old girl sitting in my face!” She pulled on her hair again, harder this time, jerked her head toward the ground.

“Fareeda!” Isra cried out, grabbing her arm. Nadine started to do the same, but Fareeda pushed them off.

“Don’t you dare interfere! Get away!” She tightened her fist around Sarah’s hair and dragged her through the front door. Inside she shoved the girl onto the hallway floor. “I’ll show you what you get for disobeying me!”

Sarah said nothing, her cheeks flushed red, her eyes two wells of fury. Her silence infuriated Fareeda most of all. How dare her daughter disobey her like this, how dare she defy her, after all Fareeda had done for her, for all of them? All she had given up, day after day until there was nothing left of her but a sack of bones. And they still blamed her in the end.

She took off her slipper and slammed it against Sarah’s body, over and over, her jaw clenching each time the slipper struck her daughter’s skin. It wasn’t fair! Sarah tried to crawl away, but Fareeda stooped down and seized her, pushing her into the ground with all her might. The next thing she knew, her hands were clutched around Sarah’s throat, all ten fingers digging in as if kneading a chunk of dough.

“STOP!” Isra’s voice cut through Fareeda’s rage. What was she doing? She let go. The feeling she had now, like the jinn had entered her, would not shake. She stared at her hands for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she spoke in a quiet voice. “I’m doing all this for you.” Sarah was shaking her head, rubbing tears from her eyes. “You think I’m a monster, but I know things about this life you can’t imagine. I could sit around and play house with you, making jokes and spinning fairy tales, but it would all be lies. I’m choosing to teach you about the world instead. To want what you can’t have in this life is the greatest pain of all.”