A Terrible Kindness(88)

Martin’s face lights up and his body ripples with mirth. ‘Oh yes! Much more decorous than a banana skin!’

Soon, both of them are fighting for breath, holding their stomachs. Martin’s face in laughter is timeless and William feels thirteen again; the same boy, but this time, free.

The shriek of trolley wheels in the corridor brings them back to themselves, their bodies relaxed, their faces aching.

‘God, that feels good!’ William says eventually. ‘I never thought, in a million years, I’d be able to laugh about that.’ He inhales deeply. ‘I feel cleaned out.’

Martin nods. ‘Best medicine and all that.’

‘Thank you, Martin,’ William says.

‘You know me, always up for a good laugh.’

‘Not for that.’

‘Oh.’

William watches Colin. ‘For everything. Saving the “Miserere”. Being pleased to see me outside the college with Gloria. Letting me stay.’ On the periphery of his vision, he can see Martin’s face looking at him. He finally looks back. ‘I don’t deserve you.’

Martin smiles and shakes his head slowly. ‘I’ve told you before, no one deserves anyone.’

‘Thank you.’

Martin nods at Colin. ‘You’ve performed a minor miracle here today, my friend. He can’t tell you himself, but it’s a fact that he’d be extremely grateful for this.’

A surge of hope pushes on William’s lungs. He’s not sure for what, but it propels him to the foot of the bed. ‘Let’s make sure the sheets are tucked in at the bottom – if his wife sees the state of his toenails, we’re rumbled.’

Once they’ve both attempted a hospital corner, Martin rubs his hands together. ‘Right! I’m going to find us both a disgusting cup of tea.’

William rolls the newspaper up and drops it in the bag, putting everything else on top of it. He places it in the corner then sits and waits, looking at Colin; his jawline, the gully of flesh between his nose and mouth, his pale pink lips. He decides when he gets back to Martin’s, he’s going to put the ‘Miserere’ on. Loud.

His back is to the door and, although they arrive in silence, he knows they are there. She’s slender, in high heels and a bright green coat, flanked by a teenage boy with shoulder-length wavy hair, and a younger girl, holding her mum’s hand with both of hers.

‘Hello.’ The chair scrapes loudly as he stands. ‘I’m William.’

‘Are you the man who rang Mum?’ says the girl who has Colin’s chin and nose. They remain in the doorway.

‘No, but I sing in a choir with your dad.’

‘We didn’t know Colin sang in a choir,’ the woman says, and then, as if by saying his name she’s suddenly aware of him in the bed, she walks forward and the children follow.

‘What happened?’ the woman asks quietly. ‘They said it was a road accident?’

‘He was hit by a car.’

‘Was he drunk?’ the girl says.

Her brother flinches. ‘Katy!’

The wife’s red nails splay across her mouth and a tear sits on her eyelash. William notices a chunk of diamond, swivelled to one side of the skinny pole of her ring finger.

‘You said he’d look different, Mum,’ says the girl. The boy takes a step nearer the bed.

‘I thought he would, darling.’ She looks up briefly at William.

‘Can he hear us?’ The boy’s deep voice has that unstable quality, as if at any moment it could veer off into a squeak.

‘I think so,’ William says, ‘he squeezed my hand when I told him you were coming.’

The girl runs round to stand next to William and takes Colin’s hand. ‘Hello, Daddy,’ she stage whispers.

The wife takes the other hand.

‘I’ll leave you to it.’ William backs away from the bed.

‘No!’ the wife says quickly, nodding at the seat in the corner. ‘Please stay. I didn’t know he had friends here.’

William sits.

‘He’s not squeezing my hand, Mummy.’

‘He’s very weak, love.’

William hadn’t planned to say anything, but finds himself speaking to the boy. ‘I know he was wondering how you were getting on in your new school – Daniel, is it?’

Surprise and pain sweep the boy’s face. He moves closer to his mother. ‘Can I, Mum?’ He holds Colin’s hand, so all William can see of it are the fresh white crescent nails. ‘School’s fine, but I still miss you.’

Five minutes later Colin stops breathing, but not before three people have said goodbye and placed a kiss on his fresh forehead.





Part V





ABERFAN





59




Martin pours them both a coffee. The morning sun whitens the curls of steam rising from the cups. They haven’t been to bed yet.

‘Where is it?’ William stands with his head on one side, flicking through Martin’s records.

‘Depends which version you want.’

‘Don’t care.’ He turns to Martin. ‘You choose.’

Martin takes two strides to stand next to William. He pulls one out almost immediately and flashes its cover briefly at William; it’s a recording from King’s College.