A Not So Meet Cute(110)

I chuckle softly. “I don’t know how to compliment a fake baby.”

“Hello, who is the reservation under?” the receptionist asks.

“Mr. and Mrs. Cane,” Huxley says, shocking me.

“Ah, I have you right here. Let me go grab your baby and supplies.”

When she takes off, I turn to Huxley with an arched brow. “Mr. and Mrs. Cane?”

He smirks. “Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Uh . . . what?” I ask, about to choke on my saliva again.

He laughs and tugs me closer to him to place a kiss on the top of my head. “Your fear of being attached to me is making me feel like a god today.”

The receptionist comes back out and hands us a girl doll. “Her name is Judith. She’s a cranky one.”

Judith?

Are we taking care of a seventy-year-old?

I take the baby and glance down at it . . .

“Good Jesus,” I whisper. “She’s missing an eye.”

The receptionist nods. “Not all babies are perfect.”

“But this baby doesn’t look as though it was born like this, it looks as though it was mauled by a pack of coyotes.”

“More like a brothel of chihuahuas,” the receptionist says. “Judith has been through a lot, but I know you two will take great care of her.” The receptionist motions toward the room. “Hurry on in, the class will be starting soon.”

I tuck Judith in my arm and turn toward Ellie and Dave, who are cuddling Enoch as if he’s their own. Sorry, Judith, we probably won’t be having the same bond.

“She’s what nightmares are made of,” Huxley whispers in my ear.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if somehow she finds a way to hitch it back home with us and stare at us in the middle of the night while we’re sleeping.”

With his hand on my lower back, Huxley says, “If I look over my shoulder as I’m pounding into you and see her, I’m telling you right now, I’m going to leave you.”

I whisper back, “I don’t blame you.”

“Are you ready?” Dave asks, looking up from cooing at Enoch.

“We are,” I say, even though I have no idea what to expect or what Huxley got us into.

As a group, we walk into the room, which is filled with couples holding babies. At least ten other couples all hover over their baby stations. The only tables left are one in the back and one in the front.

“If you don’t get that back table, I’ll never suck your cock again,” I whisper to Huxley, who chuckles and moves forward in front of Dave.

Hands out, he says, “Ah, damn, looks as if we can’t sit next to each other. We’ll take this back table.”

“Oh, what a shame,” Ellie says, scanning the tables. “Well, might be for the best, I think our little Enoch is crushing on your one-eyed Judith.” Ellie winks and then takes off toward the front with Dave.

I glance up at Huxley and ask, “Do you think that was sarcastic? Do you think she was hating on Judith?”

“Does it matter? I thought you were terrified of Judith.”

“I am,” I say as we make our way to the back table. “But she’s ours to be terrified of, no one else’s.”

“I think you’re taking this baby thing too seriously.”

“Are you saying you’re not actually here to learn the ins and outs of taking care of an infant?” I ask him.

“I’m just hoping there’s some kind of snack break.” He glances around the room. “But I don’t see a snack table, so I’m guessing I’m out of luck.”

“Why do I like you?”

Leaning in toward me and talking closely to my ear, he says, “Because you can’t get enough of my cock.”

“If only that were the case,” I reply as the instructor walks into the room. Wait . . . “Is that Heaven?”

“Who’s Heaven?” Huxley asks.

“Uh, the lady who made me dry-hump you in front of a bunch of strangers.”

“Oh Jesus,” Huxley says, trying to get a better look at the instructor. “Fuck, I think it’s her. Thank God we’re in the back.”

“Welcome,” Heaven says, her voice booming through the speakers. “I’m so glad everyone could join us on this wonderful journey of getting to know your newborn. I see some familiar faces, and I’m sure I’ll see more as I make my way around the classroom to work with each of you individually.”

“Oh, great,” I mutter. “I’m sure she’s going to be focusing on us again.” I glance up at Huxley. “You owe me, Hanley.”

“I’m starting to realize that.”

“Now, please go ahead and turn on your babies. The switch is on their back. They’ll wake up, and we’ll get started.”

I flip Judith over and find her on switch. I move it to the right, turn her back over, and then with one eye, she blinks at me.

Blinks again.

And then . . . wails.

“Dear Christ,” I say, tossing her on the table, which only makes her wail even louder.

“What are you doing?” Huxley asks. “You’re drawing attention to us.”

“Not on purpose.”