A Necessary Sin (The Sin Trilogy, #1)(72)

We regretfully return to our table and take our place next to my parents for our catered dinner. We’re two courses in when I put my hand on Bleu’s thigh beneath the table. I slowly glide it in an upward motion. “I’m not craving leg of lamb. I want these legs with a side of something very special.”

“You are so bad.” She giggles and pushes my hand away. “You’ll get everything you want—later.”

I notice her pushing food around her plate but not eating. “Have you found more Scottish food you don’t care for?”

“No. It’s not that.” She scrunches her nose. “It’s the medication to treat the ovarian stuff. I’m still having side effects—GI symptoms.”

“Maybe you should see a physician here.”

“My doctor told me this might happen so it comes as no surprise.” She shrugs if off. “I’ll consider making an appointment if things don’t improve.”

When dinner is finished, a band launches into its first set and everyone moves to the makeshift dance floor in the center of Mum’s well-kept garden. Of course, I get first dance with the guest of honor. “Is this how every new member is welcomed?”

“Only you.”

She’s smiling. “I feel very special.”

“You should—because you are.” I kiss her forehead. I want to tell her I love her but, again, this isn’t the right time. It shouldn’t happen in front of the entire brotherhood.

“There are a lot of people here. Are they all Fellowship?” she asks.

“Mostly. If they aren’t in the brotherhood, they’re comrades. They were invited because it’s necessary they know you.”

“I’ll never remember all these people.”

“You will in time.” I say it as though she’ll be around forever but we both know that isn’t the case. That’ll be a whole new problem to deal with when the time comes. I don’t wish to think about it right now. I’m too happy.

The song ends and I’m forced to give up my lass so she may dance and mingle among her new family, leaving my dance card open. Westlyn gets up from her chair and walks in my direction so I grab the closest lass I can find.

“Is this your way of asking me to dance?” Lorna says.

“This is my way of telling you we are.”

“Then I guess we’re dancing.” We sway to the music as my eyes search the crowd for Bleu. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop being uneasy when she’s out of my sight. “You’ve surprised me—and every other member of the brotherhood.”

“How so?”

“You took a huge leap for Bleu,” Lorna says.

“Aye.”

“It’s nice to know you aren’t all heartless.”

Is she referring to Leith? “Bleu told me about your feelings for Leith.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m talking about you being in love with him.”

This time she doesn’t deny it. “He doesn’t know I exist except to put me on the work schedule.”

He used to know she existed because he got into her knickers often. We all did. But I had no idea I wasn’t the only one no longer banging her. “You don’t shag anymore?”

She looks at the floor, shaking her head. “Not since he walked in on me and you almost two years ago. Things became really weird between us after that.”

I knew Leith saw us but he never mentioned it. And I never gave it another thought since all three of us were having fun with her.

“We have a working relationship. That’s it—unless he’s been on the whisky. He loosens up around me a little then.”

How strange. “Should I talk to him?”

“No. He’s clearly disgusted by me, so I don’t want him to know how I feel.”

“But he may feel the same.”

“He doesn’t. Trust me. He knows he could have me anytime he wants but chooses not to.”

Bleu has made me a little more romantic, so I feel like passing along some advice to Lorna. “I’m going to tell you something about men in general. We’re selfish, possessive bastards when it comes to our women. We don’t want other men having them. If you want Leith, don’t sleep around.”

“I haven’t since that day.”

“You haven’t had sex with anyone in almost two years?”

She shakes her head. “The look on his face when he saw us—it haunts me. I’m not sure I can ever be with anyone else again.”

Is Lorna who Leith was talking about when we were in the ring together? He said I always took everything he wanted. At the time, I had no idea what he was talking about, but now I may.

The song ends. “I’m sorry.” I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for. “Let me know if you decide you’d like me to talk to him.”

She looks like she may cry. “That’ll never happen, but thanks for the offer.”

I dance with numerous Fellowship daughters, some behaving as though they’re in mourning. I suppose they could feel as though the dream of marrying the future Fellowship leader is dead. But it’s the role they’re in love with, not me.

I come face to face with Westlyn so I’m forced to dance with her. To avoid her would make the situation more awkward. I take her in my arms the way I have hundreds of times but this dance is different. She was hoping to be my wife, and I’ve rejected her.