A Nearly Normal Family(108)

“I’m so glad you came to me,” I said.

We stood facing each other for a long time before she leaned forward and hugged me.

During the week that followed, Adam and I had a serious talk with Stella. It was the start of a long, horrible period for us. The more we tried to reason with her, the more Stella lashed out.

“Stop interfering in my life! Living with you is like being in prison!”

Later that fall, when it came to light that Stella was smoking dope, Adam and I realized after a lot of “ifs” and “buts” that we needed professional help.

It was torture to sit through those meetings with principals and teachers, nurses and counselors—not to mention all the social workers and psychologists. I have never felt so vulnerable and violated, so belittled as a person. No failure in the world is comparable to being an inadequate parent.

Michael Blomberg offered a way out, a bit of solace.





99


I turn around to look at Alexandra again. I see my own mother in her. My stomach knots as I think of how ungrateful she has been toward Amina.

Alexandra meets my gaze. So far, she still doesn’t know. I’m sure Amina hasn’t said anything.

Ever since she told me what happened, I’ve taken pains to ensure that as few people as possible find out.

Not even Adam knows. Not even Stella.

In time, they will all understand.

Jenny Jansdotter’s sharp treble rips a hole in the silence of the courtroom.

“So you violated your agreement with Stella and continued to see Christopher Olsen?”

Amina shakes her head.

“That’s not quite what happened.”

The prosecutor makes a baffled expression.

“No? Isn’t that what you just said?”

“I only saw Chris once after Stella’s birthday. He contacted me several times that week, but I told him we couldn’t see each other. He was really persistent. He wrote that he was so curious about me and it would be a waste not to explore what might happen between us. And stuff like that.”

“So you agreed to meet him?”

“I was honestly planning to tell him to go to hell. I didn’t meet up with him because I wanted us to be together or anything. I just wanted to get rid of him. I swear.”

She takes another tissue and blows her nose.

“On Friday he texted me again. I’d made an agreement with Stella. I didn’t want to see Chris again.”

“But you did?”

“He wrote that he had a surprise for me,” she continues. “He was going to pick me up in a limo. I told him my dad would beat him up if he showed up at our house. But anyway … he wouldn’t give up, so we decided he would pick me up at the Ball House after handball.”

“Did he arrive in a limousine?”

“No, he had his own car. Something got messed up with the reservation.”

Stella is watching Amina intently. How much of this does she know?

“And this was on the thirty-first of August, the same night Christopher Olsen was murdered?” Jansdotter asks.

“Yes.”

“What did the two of you do then, Amina? After Chris picked you up in his car?”

“We drove out to the sea. I don’t know exactly what the place is called. But you could see Barseb?ck from there, anyway. The nuclear power plant. We sat on a grassy hill and Chris had brought a basket with wine and bread and a bunch of cheeses.”

Amina falls silent.

“Go on,” says the prosecutor.

“We ate and drank the wine. We watched the sunset and then…”

Amina loses herself again. A journalist in the row ahead of me drops their pen and the whole courtroom hears it land on the floor. Stella whirls around and stares. She looks straight at me, her eyes black.

“Then what?” Jansdotter says. “What happened next?”

I watch as Michael places a reassuring hand on Stella’s arm.

“Then he kissed me.” Amina gulps. “We kissed.”





100


The chance to work with Michael Blomberg was a dream. One of the country’s most prominent defense attorneys. I knew it would involve a lot of business trips and nights in hotels, but Adam supported me wholeheartedly and it was a chance I couldn’t pass up.

What would have happened if I’d declined Michael’s offer? I know there’s no point in such thoughts, but it’s hard to stop myself from wondering.

As Amina talks about Christopher Olsen in the courtroom—how she couldn’t resist him, how she was swept up and felt like she was falling for him, even though in reality something totally different was going on—it’s hard not to relate.

Maybe sometimes all it takes to believe you’re in love is being appreciated and valued. Being seen for who you are, admired for your existence rather than your actions. That’s exactly what made me fall for Adam. His natural way of looking beyond my accomplishments. The way he captured my soul with his gaze.

Fifteen years later, Michael Blomberg did the same thing.



* * *



My relationship with Michael went hand in hand with my increasing inability to deal with Adam. The man I had once fallen for, the romantic idealist with a heart the size of a star and eyes full of nuance no longer seemed to exist. I hadn’t been present enough to know how it had happened, but Adam had gradually developed a neurotic temperament that was well on its way to turning into a manic need for control.