A Nantucket Affair (Nantucket Beach Plum Cove #4)(28)

He opened the front door and Kristen and Andrew were standing there wearing identical worried expressions. He didn’t quite know what to say, so he just waved them in and walked toward the kitchen.

“Coffee? Water? I don’t have much else to offer you.”

“No, thanks. I already had coffee,” Kristen said.

“I’m all set.”

“So, where do you want to do this?” Tyler looked around the living room. “We can get comfortable on the sofa.”

“That’s fine.” Kristen settled on the smaller of the two sofas, and Andrew sat on one corner of the big sofa. Tyler sat on the opposite corner and took another deep breath. He wanted to tell them not to worry, that it would all be fine. But the words wouldn’t come right away. He was embarrassed that he’d failed both of them. Failed himself.

“It’s been a hard time for both of us,” Andrew began. “I’m sorry that I didn’t see that you were really struggling.” Tyler saw the guilt in his eyes and stomped it out.

“Not your fault, at all. Yes, I’ve been struggling. But I made the decision to drink again. I stopped going to meetings. Started plotting how I would do it and then I put the plan into motion. I had a delivery service bring groceries and a bottle of vodka.” He met Kristen’s eyes and tried to explain.

“I looked forward all day to that first drink. That’s why I didn’t have an O’Doul’s when we went out.”

“And that’s why you didn’t want me to come in. You couldn’t wait to have a drink.”

“Drinks,” he corrected her. “And yeah, I’m not proud of it. It’s why I didn’t go to the dinner last night. I would have been too antsy with everyone drinking. When I’m really sober, I can handle it. I just knew I couldn’t do it. And I had my own party here.”

“So, what will you do now? Will you start going to meetings again? What can we do to help?” Andrew asked.

“Scotty told me about a place on the Cape that I can go to for a little while, a few weeks or so.”

“A treatment program?” Andrew looked hopeful.

“Yeah. I think it’s the best thing. It will help to be away from temptation until I can get myself sorted. It helped before.”

“I think it’s a great idea. Can you have visitors there?” Kristen sounded relieved and apprehensive. Tyler knew she’d never experienced anything like this before.

“Yeah, I think on the weekend they have visiting hours in the afternoon, maybe.” He thought the woman he’d talked to had mentioned something about that.

“Good. I’ll come visit then.”

Her sweet, caring smile was like a beacon of hope. Kristen was the best thing in his life. That she hadn’t already walked away was nothing short of a miracle. He looked at both of them and felt so many emotions.

“I’m so sorry, you guys. I really messed up.” He sighed and looked down, trying to gather himself so that he wouldn’t dissolve in tears. He felt arms around him, hugging him close. Andrew gave him a squeeze, then let go and looked him in the eyes.

“This isn’t your fault. I know you didn’t want this to happen. You’d been doing so well. Mom dying so unexpectedly—well, it was hard. I know that.”

Tyler nodded. “It was the beginning of a spiral down. It was hard to write, hard to focus. I got behind and that added to the stress. It started to seem like a good idea. I fought it as long as I could.”

“You can fight it again. And we’ll be here for you when you come back. When do you go?” Kristen asked.

“This afternoon.”

She looked surprised. “So soon.”

“How will you get there? I can find someone to cover the shop, or just close it. I can take you,” Andrew insisted.

“Scotty’s going to take me. Said he needed to go off-cape, anyway. I don’t think he really did, but it will be good for us to just talk about stuff.”

Andrew relaxed. “Okay, good. Scotty’s probably familiar with that place, too.”

“Yeah. He hasn’t been there himself, but he’s been to places like it. I think it might be good for him, too, to go there with me and then to go home. A reminder of sorts, maybe.”

“Okay. Well, I’m glad we have a good plan then. I’m going to let you guys talk a bit. Call me when you’re settled in. I’ll get over to visit while you’re there, too.” Andrew gave him a hug goodbye and left.

When the door shut behind him, Kristen walked over and sat next to him. She pulled him in for a hug. He held her tight and breathed in the sweet apple scent of her hair. He was going to miss her.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I know you didn’t really sign up for this.”

She took hold of his hands and squeezed them gently.

“I did, though. It was always in the back of my mind. What would I do if you relapsed? Now I know. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I can’t begin to understand it, but I know it’s not something you can always control. It’s a disease.” Her eyes were sad as she looked at him.

“I really was doing so well. This was my first and will hopefully be my last relapse. I just need to get my head in the right place again. I think it will help to talk to someone. Andrew had suggested I go see someone when we got back from the funeral, but I didn’t think I needed it. Thought I could just handle it on my own. I was wrong. It just made me crave the release of a drink. It’s hard to explain. But I just wanted to forget and to numb the pain.”