A Mrs. Miracle Christmas(28)

The clerk glanced past him to the line of customers.

Zach turned away and received several irritated looks. Nothing that the clerk said added up. He put the receipt back into the bag and reluctantly walked away. He’d used his lunch break to try to make the return, so he made the quick three-minute walk back to his office.

Sitting in front of his computer, he opened the bag and removed the top garment. Despite his irritation at his lack of success, he smiled. He had to admit, this was by far the coolest little cowgirl outfit.

He glanced at the label attached to it and did an Internet search. Sure enough, he discovered the company had been bought out by a larger company nine months earlier and the brand name no longer existed. He also checked Macy’s website, and none of the company’s items were available. All the other things he’d purchased were from the same company—no longer in existence, no longer being sold at Macy’s.

    The cowgirl outfit remained on the top of his desk. Unbidden, the image of a baby girl filled his thoughts, happy and cooing as Laurel gently rocked her. He tried to cast it away, but the vision was clear and concise, and the images wouldn’t go away.

A sense of loss and emptiness settled over him, weighing him down like concrete boots. Perhaps because he wanted a family as keenly as Laurel once had, he hadn’t been able to return the baby items for a reason. A very good reason. Maybe he was meant to have them.

His heart started to race. Could it be that this was a sign? Was this a God-given sign that they were about to receive an infant? He wanted to believe. Desperately so. Thinking back on all the failed attempts for a family didn’t inspire his faith. He hated to be weak, but he needed something to help him believe. A sign that would tell him he hadn’t completely lost touch with reality.

Zach had never been much of a praying man. He attended church and recited the liturgy, but as for personal prayers, he felt awkward and self-conscious. But he was willing to give it a try. He bowed his head in the confines of his cubicle and silently prayed. “God. Hi…It’s me.”

He felt foolish addressing God so casually. God was God, not a beer buddy. With determination, he started again. “Dear Lord, I don’t have a lot of fancy words, so I’m going to speak plainly. You know my heart. You know how much I love Laurel, so I’m asking that if a baby really is coming, then please give me a sign. You don’t need to move mountains or black out the sky, or anything like that. A small sign will do. I need something to get me over this hump of disbelief, something simple that will help me to believe. Laurel doesn’t need to know. If You think it’s best, I won’t say a word to her until the time is right. Thank you. Thank you for Laurel and for Nana and for Mrs. Miracle and for all You’ve done for me already. Forgive my lack of faith. Amen.”

    Right at the end of his prayer, a coworker, Joel, strolled past his desk. “Don’t forget the white-elephant gift exchange this afternoon.”

“I’ll be there,” Zach replied, jerking guiltily.

“You okay, buddy?”

“Sure. Sure. I’ll be there.”

The polka-dot sweater from the year before was wrapped and ready. This was a fun game their group did each Christmas. Like the rest of the department, he went along with it.

Settling back to work, Zach let his thoughts wander to Laurel and the baby clothes. The best thing he could think to do was hide them until the time was right. In retrospect, he was glad he’d paid for them with cash. That was a blessing in disguise, as she couldn’t look for a return on their credit card statement.

    He looked down at the carefully crafted red bag at his feet, when the phone rang at his desk, bringing him back to reality. “Zach McCullough.”

“Hello, Zach. This is Mary Swindoll.”

Zach straightened in his chair. It was the caseworker from the adoption agency. This was it. The sign he’d asked for. God had heard his prayer and he was about to receive the news of an available baby for their family.

His pulse raced so hard and fast that the sound echoed in his ears. “Yes?”

“I hope it’s fine that I called you at work. You mentioned that Laurel isn’t able to receive phone calls at school, so I thought it best to reach out to you.”

“Do you have a baby for us?” he blurted out.

A short, uncomfortable silence followed. “No, Zach. I’m sorry. I’m calling for another reason.”

His spirits dove, landing in a dark pit. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. If he didn’t battle these feelings, he’d become a victim of despair.

“How may I help you?” he asked, his voice devoid of emotion.

Mary spoke for several minutes about how they were planning to update the agency’s website, and that they wanted to share the stories of couples at each stage of the adoption process: new applicants, couples in the waiting process, couples who’d had initial disappointments, and couples who’d had success. She wanted to see if Zach and Laurel would be willing to be interviewed and photographed for the website.

    “We think it will give a realistic picture of the adoption process, with real faces and real stories. You and Laurel have had your share of ups and downs, and I think you two would be the perfect couple to talk about your experiences. Would you be willing to participate? It’d be a great help to other couples starting out. We’ll understand your decision, one way or the other.”