A Million Kisses in Your Lifetime(29)

But then I’d have to tell her why he chased after me, and what I saw. Which means they’d eventually get expelled, and it would be all my fault.

I don’t want the responsibility. Or their hatred.

“Did you talk to Sam about making the switch?” I ask her.

“Well, no. Not yet. But Natalie has come to me as well, requesting a new partner, and she mentioned she wants to work with Crew. Even though that goes against my views of the entire project, I don’t like seeing you so miserable.” Her gaze is knowing as it settles on me. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I’m fine.” I shrug, then glance over my shoulder to see Natalie trying to talk to Crew, and he’s doing his best to ignore her while Ezra watches her with puppy-dog eyes. I turn to face my teacher once more. “I don’t want to switch partners.”

Skov’s eyebrows shoot up almost to her hairline. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” My nod is firm, as is my resolve. Besides…

I don’t want Crew to work with Natalie. That’ll make her feel like she won, and I don’t want her to.

She doesn’t deserve it. Or him.

“If you’re going to work with Crew, I can’t have these daily emotional outbursts. Do you understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.” I bend my head, embarrassed. I don’t let things get to me like this usually. Though no one really ever tries to mess with me. I have my followers who respect what I say, and anyone who doesn’t agree with my values usually leaves me alone.

Until Crew. It’s like he can’t stop messing with me, and I hate it.

There’s the smallest part of me that doesn’t hate it, though. It’s buried deep. A small, dark kernel of pleasure unfurls in my chest every time he touches me. Earlier when he tried to hold me back, when he had his hand on my breast, I should’ve been disgusted. Frightened.

And I was. At first. But there was something else going on. It was almost thrilling, knowing he might want me. I could hear it in his voice. Feel it in the way he touched me.

In that moment, he did want me. Even if it was only for a second.

“Okay then. Go on, get to work,” Ms. Skov urges, and I leave her desk, making my way to the back of the classroom where Crew sits, Natalie in the desk next to his.

“Are we switching partners?” Natalie chirps, her gaze sliding to Crew.

He’s not even watching her. His focus is one hundred percent on me.

“No,” I say, shaking my head, my gaze stuck on Crew’s. “We’re still partners.”

“God, Skov is such a bitch,” Natalie mutters under her breath as she slides out of the seat and heads over to the empty desk next to Sam.

I settle into the chair Natalie just vacated, tamping down the wave of triumph trying to consume me. I drop my backpack on the floor and zip it open, pulling out my notebook and pencil, settling them both on the desk.

“Skov is sticking to her guns, huh?” Crew’s deep voice washes over me, leaving me warm.

I send him a secret smile, unable to help myself. “Guess so.”





School is pretty monotonous for the rest of the week. Not much is happening and we’re all preparing for finals and projects as winter break draws closer. I try my best to ignore Fig and never allow myself to be alone with him in class. I even show up late, though my seat is always empty and waiting for me. No one else wants to sit in the front and center seat.

Maggie has been distant toward me, spending her time chasing after Franklin, I guess, and never hanging out with me anymore.

It’s fine. Whatever.

I observe the way people talk to me at school, specifically everyone in my grade, and realize I exist on the fringe of every friend group among the seniors. No one truly pulls me in or seeks me out.

It’s depressing. Before Crew pointed it out, I was completely oblivious, and sometimes I think I want to go back to that state of mind. When I believed everyone liked me and they were all my friends. When I thought I was a positive influence who made a difference.

Oh, the younger girls still want to spend time with me, and I hang out with them during lunch because I have no one else, but they look to me to make themselves feel better for the choices they’ve made so far in life. The majority of them will succumb eventually. They’ll get a boyfriend. They’ll fall in love. They’ll have sex.

And then they’ll leave me behind.

Psychology class and the project is the only thing that fills me with faint apprehension. Having to face down a smirking Crew every afternoon is starting to take a toll on me, but I try my best to smile through it all. To keep our conversation as impersonal as possible, which is tough since we’re both supposed to be digging under each other’s skin, trying to figure the other person out.

I’ve already given up. I cannot figure him out, no matter how I try. He’s mean yet levels me with that fiery gaze, as if he’s envisioning me naked or whatever. He makes me uncomfortable.

And not always in a bad way either.

I wasn’t about to back down from Natalie, though. I know she’s still angry that Crew is my partner and not hers. Too bad. She’s just going to have to deal with it.

He’s mine.

When it’s finally Friday, I feel as if I can breathe a sigh of relief. I’m going to see my parents this weekend, and I can’t wait. Not because I’m dying to see them—I was with them only a week ago for Thanksgiving—but my father and I are going to an art exhibit Saturday that features an up-and-coming artist whose work I strongly admire. Plus, I’m eager to get away from campus. I’m tired of being here already, and I still have two weeks until winter break.