A Light in the Flame (Flesh and Fire #2)(28)

“You were injured?” Aios asked as she walked with me to my chambers.

I glanced at the goddess. The shadows smudging the skin under Aios’s citrine eyes worried me. The hollows of her heart-shaped face were deeper than before, and her concern was clear in the press of her full lips.

“Not much.”

“That wasn’t the impression I got from Bele.” Aios tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “She said you were bitten.”

“Barely,” I lied, not even sure why I didn’t want to share what Nyktos had done for me. Maybe because a part of me couldn’t believe it. “Are you staying here tonight—or what’s left of tonight?”

Aios nodded. “I’ve been staying close because of Gemma.”

Gods, the Chosen must’ve been terrified during the attack. “Can I see her?”

Aios looked away. “Maybe later.”

Tension settled into my shoulders as I trailed my fingers along the cool, smooth stone of the railing. There could be a ton of reasons why I couldn’t see Gemma now, starting with the fact that she was probably asleep. But my mind immediately went to the worst one. What if Aios didn’t want me around the once-Chosen?

Aios had acknowledged that I hadn’t wanted to harm Nyktos, but acknowledgment didn’t equate to forgiveness. She’d been forthcoming with information when I first arrived, when most—including Nyktos—hadn’t. Aios had been kind and welcoming, but I had disappointed her. I’d heard that in her voice and seen it in her expression. In the brief times we’d been together since she’d learned the truth, Aios hadn’t been as friendly as before, and that stung. Because I liked her.

I swallowed a sigh as we rounded the third floor. “How is Gemma?”

“She’s okay. Physically.” Aios smoothed a hand over a cream panel of her gown, her features pinching. “But I think it will be a while before the mind catches up with her body.”

I wished my touch could heal those kinds of wounds, the deeper ones that no one could see. Glancing at Aios, I zeroed in on the shadows under her eyes. The empathy she’d shown Gemma when we’d spoken with her had come from a place of experience. Aios shared that same haunted look with Penellaphe.

And I had a feeling if Nyktos hadn’t taken me as his Consort when he did, and I’d been left to my stepbrother’s cruel and depraved whims, I would’ve had those shadows in my eyes, too.

“I worry that the guilt she feels rivals her fear,” she added after a moment.

“What Hamid did wasn’t her fault.” My grip tightened on the shadowstone railing. “And Bele shouldn’t blame herself for what happened tonight either.”

“Neither should you. You saved Bele’s life. You did nothing wrong.”

“I…” I looked away from Aios, my gaze traveling to the foyer below. “When I brought Bele back, I didn’t know that it would Ascend her.”

“If you had known what would happen, would that have changed things?” Aios stopped on the step above, her eyes meeting mine. “Does knowing what will happen change what you would do if presented with that choice again?”

I started to say yes but couldn’t because I’d wanted to bring Davina back. I would have if Ector hadn’t stopped me. If it happened again to another I knew? Someone Nyktos cared for, and no one was there to stop me?

A faint smile appeared, and then she turned, continuing up the stairs. “In a way, I’m not sure you have a choice. You have an ember of life in you,” she said as we reached the fourth floor, not knowing that I actually had embers of life in me. “It may have been a part of Eythos when he lived, but now, it’s a part of you. Creating life out of death is in your nature. It’s instinct.”

“Yeah,” I said, sighing as we reached the fourth floor. “But it doesn’t feel that way sometimes.”

No one was outside my chamber, but I figured it wouldn’t stay that way for long. Aios hadn’t lingered as I entered the room, where the faint, acrid scent of smoke remained. It was for the best, but I wished she’d spent a little more time. I would’ve liked to learn what her home was like away from the palace. Or how she’d become so close with Bele.

But I wouldn’t discover these things.

I glanced at the adjoining door. Just like I’d never know if Nyktos had a favorite book or food. If he could remember his dreams or if he dreamt at all. Who or what he would choose to be if he had a choice to be anyone but himself. There were so many things I wanted to learn about him. Did he remember much about his father? Did he read or allow his thoughts to wander when he had spare, quiet moments? Did he like to visit the mortal realm?

Did he regret having his kardia removed?

But what I already knew was enough to know that he didn’t deserve what this kind of life had dealt him: the loss of his parents and so many more, a Consort he’d never asked for but still had sought to protect, and living under the constant threat of Kolis. Nyktos deserved better. So did everyone in the Shadowlands.

And now I posed an entirely different threat to him and all who sought sanctuary here.

I walked out onto the balcony and looked down at the courtyard. The area had already been cleared, and only faint dark marks remained on the ground. I couldn’t let myself think about what those splotches represented. I needed a clear head as I watched the guards patrol the Rise.