A Good Marriage(52)

“What do you mean?”

“There’s the issue of how to make this stop. But there’s also the issue of how it started. Sometimes the two are related,” Officer Carbone said. “Are you sure you’re not connected on social media somehow? Or maybe there’s family or old friends who might tell him where you are? Sometimes people think they’re helping when really they’re doing just the opposite.”

Amanda laughed then, in a way that probably made her seem crazy. But Officer Carbone’s suggestion was crazy. Amanda had no connections to her old life. And she wasn’t on any kind of social media. Zach thought it left people too exposed.

“No, no one told him,” Amanda said quietly. “And our lives have nothing—no one in common.”

The only friend she had from St. Colomb Falls was Carolyn, and she would have no way of—well, not no way. Carolyn’s mom had passed, but she probably had family left upstate. Amanda hadn’t asked about them in a long time. Carolyn, of all people, would never have anything to do with Amanda’s dad, though. Carolyn hated him. And she loved Amanda.

“Well, he found you,” Officer Carbone said. “Might be worth trying to figure out how.”

“I just want an order of protection, something to make him stay away.”

“To get an order of protection, you’re going to have to actually prove he threatened you in some way or another.”

“But he is threatening me,” Amanda said quietly. “His being here is a threat. Because of the person he is, our history.”

“I’m sure it’s difficult, but maybe you could be more specific about what he’s done exactly?” Officer Carbone asked. “If there was a previous act of violence, there’s a better chance you could make the case.”

But the ugly details were sunk beneath miles of ocean, buried deep in the sediment. And Amanda lacked the will to dive after them. An actual tear slipped out of her eye, though she hadn’t realized she’d been about to cry. When Amanda brushed it away, the detective shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“Listen, I am sorry,” he said more gently. “Really, I am. And you could go down to the courthouse anyway and try for that restraining order. But I do think it would be a waste of time. My advice? Try to get something on the record, some evidence of your father’s bad intent—video, audio. These days with everyone having an iPhone, judges end up almost expecting that kind of smoking gun.” Carbone fished a card from his drawer and held it out to her. “In the meantime, if something else happens, property damage or some more specific threat, you call and ask for me personally. I’ll do whatever I can to help. Keep asking yourself how he found you, too. There might be something or someone you’re not considering.”

Amanda headed away from the police station feeling confused, and even more hopeless. It wasn’t that she’d expected one visit to the authorities to resolve the entire situation with her dad. But maybe she had let herself get her hopes up a little. Halfway home, she tossed Carbone’s card.

What if her dad continued to call after Case came back? What if things continued to escalate then? No. She would not allow it. She would protect her son no matter what. A restraining order might not be the answer, but she had to do something, and she had to do it now. No matter what Carolyn thought, it wasn’t as simple as talking to Zach, either. She’d tried to talk to him about her dad before and it had not gone well. She remembered one specific time their first year together.

They’d been driving to a party at the house of Zach’s first boss, Geoffrey. Zach actually liked Geoffrey, and so Amanda hadn’t told Zach that Geoffrey put his hands on her ass whenever he hugged her goodbye. Geoffrey and his wife belonged to one of those modern ministries, the kind in a strip mall, with a hard rock band. He was always trying to get Amanda and Zach to come to services. As Zach pulled into Geoffrey’s driveway, he was talking about how they probably should go soon or they’d risk offending these “good people.”

“Having a cross on your wall doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a good person, you know,” she’d said.

“Oh yeah?” Zach had asked as he turned the car off. And Amanda felt this hopeful little rush in her chest. Zach was actually curious what she was getting at? He wasn’t usually. For a second, she even considered telling him about Geoffrey’s roaming hands.

“My dad had a cross on his wall,” she went on. “And he did terrible, terrible things.”

Zach had nodded and stayed quiet, smiling thoughtfully. But then Amanda watched his face slowly drain of all expression until it was cold and empty. “Is this the part where I’m supposed to ask, ‘What terrible things, honey?’ Because I’m not going to. We’ve all got baggage. If I’d wanted to take on someone else’s, I would have married a different kind of woman.”

“Amanda!” a voice called out.

When Amanda looked up, Maude was sitting there at the top of their stoop. Amanda had been so lost in thought, she hadn’t even realized she’d walked all the way home from the Seventy-Eighth Precinct.

But what was Maude doing there? Sarah, Maude, and Amanda usually met at restaurants or bars like the Gate, or for coffee or a movie. Occasionally they’d walk the loop in Prospect Park. In the past months, Amanda had been to Sarah’s house a few times, and to Maude’s once or twice. But she’d never had anyone over, no one except Carolyn. And she didn’t count.