A Good Marriage(107)

And then Zach started to whistle. Why was he whistling? Nothing her husband did made any sense to her. It was much worse than his silence, though. Depressing, actually. This conversation would not have a happy ending, would it? Zach wasn’t going to suddenly be the husband she wanted—attentive and loving. People didn’t just change because you wanted them to. But Amanda had to at least tell Zach about her dad. If not to protect herself, then to protect her son. If Zach got angry, so be it. Amanda wasn’t sure she cared anymore what he did.

“Yes, I had a great day today. Thank you so much for asking,” Zach said sarcastically as they passed the intersection of Prospect Park West and Garfield. “Things at work are finally looking up. Way up.”

“That’s good … What does your new company even do?” Amanda asked. This hadn’t been where she’d planned to start—but maybe it was as good a place as any. “I don’t even know, and I think I should. I’m your wife.”

“You want to know about my business, huh?” Zach asked, seeming amused. “You want me to break down its capital formation plan or its strategic plan?”

“I just want to know what you do all day.”

“The details would bore you to death, trust me, but it’ll make us a lot richer once I get it right. As usual with these things, it was the engineering that almost did us in. People, boards especially, don’t realize how important those technical details are. But thanks to my own creative thinking, it’s finally sorted out. Beta testing. That’s the key.”

“It doesn’t sound boring. I wish you’d told me about the problems,” Amanda said. “Maybe I could have, I don’t know, helped.”

“I didn’t realize you were a software engineer.” Zach laughed. “Next time I will come right to you.”

Amanda balled her hands into fists. “I’m your wife.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

She stopped walking. “It’s supposed to have something to do with everything.”

“You know your problem, Amanda?” Zach stopped a few paces ahead. “You’ve always overestimated the value of human connection. I’m not saying connections don’t matter. That’s all ZAG was about: connecting people with the things they’ve bought, the life they want. It’s a billion-dollar concept. But connections between people? You ask me, they just create more problems. That’s what my new company is about.”

He seemed so pleased with himself as he turned his back on her and began to walk again.

Amanda didn’t move. Her eyes burned as she stared after her husband. Forgiveness is a side effect of love. Sebe was right about that. The truth was, she didn’t forgive her husband his limitations. Because whatever was between Zach and Amanda had nothing to do with love. But it had produced one thing that Amanda did love, more than anything: Case. Amanda had failed him by letting Zach move them to Park Slope for some business she didn’t even know about. But she would do now what she had to, to protect her son.

“Wait!” Amanda called after Zach, jogging to catch up. “I’ve been meaning to—we have to talk about Case. The move was too hard on him. I think he really struggled at Country Day at the end of the year. That’s not like him.”

“Struggled? Since when?” Zach scoffed. “For the amount of money we’re paying that school, I sure as hell hope they’d notify us if they thought he was struggling.”

“Didn’t they notify you?”

“Me?” Zach asked. “Why would they notify me?”

“The school has your email, too.”

“They sure as hell do not,” he said. “You know how I feel about that. Might as well give everyone the keys to your front door. Speaking of which, I thought you were going to get our alarm fixed, and that damn closet door in my office is still sticking.”

There it was. That was all Amanda was to Zach. Another employee.

“They’re coming next week to fix the door and the alarm,” she said numbly.

And there she was: doing her job, the one that Zach could fire her from at any time. He could probably even take Case if he decided to leave her—or if she had the guts to leave him. After all, she was an unemployed high-school dropout. How stupid she had been. She couldn’t possibly tell Zach about her dad. What if he later tried to use it against her? Like in some kind of custody battle. Such a thing would already be a nightmare—Amanda had signed a draconian (the lawyer had quietly told her) prenuptial agreement. And Zach believed, maybe above all else, in vengeance. No, there was no way she could tell him about her dad.

“Whose house is this we’re going to again?” Zach asked as they approached the intersection of First Street and passed a group of cackling teens.

Zach liked to be prepared. That way he could pretend to be charming. He was good at it, provided there was something in it for him and it was for a limited period of time. Because Zach was only acting like a normal person, and that took effort. In the end, maybe it was only this that he and Amanda had in common: the pretending.

“It’s Maude’s party. She owns a gallery. Her husband, Sebe, is a doctor,” Amanda said, trying to ignore the singed feeling in her chest. “Their daughter goes to Country Day, but she’s older than Case. She’s been having a hard time lately.”