A Dirty Business (Kings of New York #1)(93)

He left and left a pregnant pause of silence in his wake.

Leo let out a sigh, returning to his chair and taking the second coffee with him. “I told her what happened, Bear.”

“Goddamn,” Bear roared. “Why’d you do that? I told her we had this covered.”

Leo rolled his eyes, but I was the one who got in Bear’s face.

“You were kind to me minutes ago, but now I know the real reason, and do not think for a second that you’re off the hook.”

Roles switched real quick because Leo informed me that they hadn’t been checking on my mother like they’d let me believe. They’d given her an ultimatum after she’d fallen off the wagon once again, which I knew she would do, because she’d been doing it for half of my life.

Bear held up his hands, a frustrated sound escaping him. “We—she doesn’t listen to reason. We tried. We did. She—she’s not going to change until she hits rock bottom.”

“So you thought to speed it up by abandoning her? What’d you do? Get my phone and block her from my own phone so she couldn’t contact me? You know she would’ve since you both weren’t taking her calls.”

I was reeling, my mind whirling over what they’d just shared they’d done.

It wasn’t drugs. It was a suicide attempt.

My mother . . . what had I done? I’d let them take over for me. I’d let them. I hadn’t fought—I’d abandoned her.

It took me a little bit before I clued in that neither answered me. I looked at them. Both weren’t looking at me either.

“What?” I ground out.

Bear firmly wouldn’t meet my gaze, but Leo did, and for the first time I saw a softening from him. “We didn’t block her from your phone, Jess.”

He didn’t finish saying the rest of the statement.

My knees gave out, and I reached out for the bed, and I fell into the chair behind me.

My mom had never called me. She hadn’t tried. She’d, just . . .





CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO


JESS


Time stood still but also sped up after that. It was a weird mind fuck.

When my mom woke up, she wanted nothing to do with me. She did not have a new outlook on life. The doc’s wishes didn’t come true, but she went into the psychiatry unit, and I was told that Bear and Leo would take it from here. Again.

I didn’t have a good outlook on that, either, but while she was getting taken care of, I had other items to handle. Mainly, Leo and Kelly.

The difference between those two was that I didn’t know I had a Kelly matter to handle. She informed me of this later in the week, asking me for a sit-down. I’d not told her about my mother yet. And when I got there, I didn’t feel this meeting was going to be a good one.

“Justin and I had a big come-to-Jesus meeting and . . .”

Oh, boy. I hated the “. . .”; those silences were brutal, I’d come to learn.

I readied myself because at this point, who the hell knew what else was coming down the pipeline.

Her hands were on the table, her hero in a bag next to her. That should’ve been my first clue. That the hero was bagged. That was a whole different level of preparing. Not where she would eat it here or eat it on the way out. That’s how Kelly usually did it. This said she was going to take it somewhere else to eat it. That was a whole different thing there.

“Justin feels that it could be dangerous for us, him and me, to be in the middle of what is going on between our old bosses or—your—yeah. Mr. West and Justin’s family.”

My mouth went dry. “Really?”

Yeah. I should’ve known. The hero was bagged.

“Really.”

I frowned, but okay. Time to pull my head out of my mom’s stuff and into my best friend’s head. It made sense what she was doing. Being around me was sometimes dangerous too.

“I think that’s a good idea.”

She stared at me, blinking a few times. Her hand grabbed for her bagged hero, and she pulled it in front of her, like it was a shield. A hero shield. From me. “Really?”

I frowned. “Yeah. I mean, Justin’s not in with that side of the family. Am I right?”

“You’re right. Yes.” She jerked forward, her head moving up and down at a fast pace. “He’s not. And his brother, with being a detective. He just feels like he’s being pulled in all directions, and I get it. I do. I mean, I love you. You know I do, but I think he’s going to be my future. You know how that goes.”

A tear slipped free, falling down. A second one went too.

I didn’t think she realized they were there.

Reaching forward, I took the hand that wasn’t gripping the hero and held it in mine. I squeezed it once. “I get it, Kel. I do.”

More tears.

She was going to be sobbing soon.

She sniffled. “You do?”

“I do. I’ve got my own battles to handle right now. I don’t expect you to get pulled into the middle, and my god, you know I’d want you to be safe.”

The sobbing got worse. “I feel like the worst friend. You’ve been there for me through so much stuff, and now this. Now you got a fine man, and girl.” She paused in her sobbing and held a hand out. “That man is fine. Holy shit, he’s fine. And you were at his side, but Justin. I—he said it’s dangerous, and you’re always telling me everything is dangerous, so I kinda figure maybe I should listen this time. Do you hate me? Please don’t hate me. I’m hating myself.”