A Dirty Business (Kings of New York #1)(84)

“These three months, I learned more.”

“About?”

“About me. About you.”

His mouth parted, and his eyes went flat. “Yeah? What’d you learn?”

“That I could quit you, if I had to. It’d take a long time, way longer than three months. Maybe a year, maybe more, but I could do it. Everything else is fine in my life. My mom, she’s not my problem anymore. My brother is getting by. My job too. I got friends. I got a good career, one that some days I feel like I make a difference. It’s small, but that one time a parolee gets it is worth all the others that don’t. I got people who care about me, so I’d be okay without you.”

He pushed off from the wall, coming toward me. Slow. His eyes were dark, a glint of danger from them. “That’s funny.”

“How so?” I was holding myself steady, not backing up as he got into my space, crowding me.

His hands went to my waist, slipping under my shirt, and he began moving me back. To the wall. The canvas was right next to us.

I had paint on my hands. He didn’t care as he just stared down into me.

“How’s that funny?” I had a slight hitch in my breath. I didn’t like that. I felt like it was showing how I was totally lying to him and to myself.

Or maybe I wasn’t.

Maybe I actually could’ve quit him. Probably. Everyone had to move on, no matter how much time would pass, but there’d be damages. Haunts. Yeah. I could move on from him, but I’d be scarred. I didn’t want to share that part.

“I told you to wait. I told you I’d need time and everything I was doing was to make it safe for you.”

“You said it, but you were trying to push me away, and you know that too.”

He continued watching me. I continued feeling him inside of me. He knew I was right like I knew he meant what he said, but conversations weren’t always about what was said. They were about what was being said under the surface too.

“Maybe.”

I pulled my gaze away, focusing on his chest and how it was moving in a slow rhythm. “Yeah. You couldn’t stay away because I put in my two weeks today.”

He didn’t respond. That’s okay. I knew the truth.

He broke first because I was going to make the last move to actually break away. If any of that made sense. But that was all gone now because he was here and he was touching me, and my body was heating up because the second he spoke, I knew what was going to happen.

I tipped my head back, seeing him studying my mouth. “Are we done messing around now?”

His eyes pulled up, meeting my gaze, and whatever he read in me, he cursed at seeing it. “Jesus Christ.” But he bent, his hands went under my ass, and he lifted me up to him.

This was what I knew would happen.

He was here. He was in.

His mouth found mine.

All that nonsense, and this was the one thing that was crystal clear for us.

I could quit him, but I wasn’t going to.





CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN


TRACE


I took her home that night and stayed.

I came back the next night.

The night after.

Then we switched things up, and she began sleeping at my place.

The night after that.

And after again.

We were both so screwed, but I couldn’t stay away.

I was done fighting.





CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT


JESS


It was a new day, a new dawn, a new era.

Just kidding.

I was back at another New York Stallions hockey game, but things had changed. I wasn’t only here with Kelly. Justin was also with us. I’d evolved where the hockey stairway guy was now my secret boyfriend, and Kelly’s not-secret boyfriend was attending the game with us. Evolution. Right? I didn’t think that could be applied in this situation, but I was past caring about that too.

Also, I was going to be thirty next week. I liked thinking of Trace as my boyfriend. Made me feel young and fresh. Hip. That’s the word.

I was happy. And I shouldn’t be, but I gave in. Trace and me were Trace and me. I wouldn’t be going home to my apartment alone tonight. Who knew? I had all sorts of opportunities. Trace might meet me there, or snap, I might even go to his place. Because that was also an option.

I had a life. Well, I had a life before . . . actually, I had a pretty active life. Lots of friends, though half of that group was our bowling friends, but I had Leo. Val.

I didn’t know why I was going on about what I was going on about. “You seem good.”

There. That was it.

Kelly just went for beer, and Justin moved over to sit in her seat.

He was grinning at me, so I grinned back. “Thanks. I am good. You, too, by the way. You and Kelly seem happy.”

His grin deepened. “We are. There was some drama with my family, but we got through it.”

“The night she showed up at my place.”

“Yeah. That night.” He gave a tentative smile. “Thanks for, uh, not engaging.”

“Engaging?”

“Some friends like to jump on the bandwagon of ‘Oh, what’d he do? What an asshole.’ That sort of thing. You didn’t do that. Thank you.”

I shrugged. “Sure, but that’d be stupid. Thanks for not telling her about the car ride I took with Trace.”