A Dirty Business (Kings of New York #1)(72)

I moved my arm away, continuing out of the room. “Don’t. Just, don’t. Not this time.”





CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT


JESS


Knock, knock.

The knocking was soft and cautious. That was my first indicator of who was on the other side, but I checked to make sure. It was Trace.

I sighed, opening the door and stepping back so he could come inside. “You waited a whole day. I’m impressed.” I closed the door, hit the locks, and checked my phone. It was off. It’d been off since I got home, which was after I’d had to inform Leo what had gone on. He needed a heads-up because I didn’t know what was being said on the streets anymore.

“It’s been put out that the order was wrong.”

“How’d you get that done? Once things are out, they’re out.”

“Ashton did it. He has his ways.”

I shook my head, moving to the kitchen. “The damage was done. My team leader knows. My partner. Organized crime got a heads-up.”

His gaze sharpened as he was watching me in the kitchen. “Organized crime?”

“How do you think I found where your sister was?”

His mouth tightened. “You think that was smart?”

“No, Trace! No, but what do you expect me to do? For you to cover it up? Hide her from me?”

“You think I’d do that? To you?”

“Yes. She’s blood. At the end of the day, you’re always going to pick blood. Even if it’s not good for you, you pick who was there in the beginning.” My voice cut out. Visions of my mom blasted me, the night Bear had told me I could step back, that he’d handle it from there.

I was losing it. “I’ve lost everything. Everything. The only thing I had left is my career. You’re threatening to take that away. You don’t get it—”

“I do get it! What do you think I’m trying to do? I stayed away from you. I have stayed away, or I’ve tried, but this last time, I was gone. I was out from you. Ashton was going to take care of the club on the nights you’re there, but we see how that worked out.” He sounded so frustrated. “I physically ache every goddamn fucking day for you, but you’re right. I am toxic for you, so I tried to stay away, but not tonight. I have to be here. I—if there’s any questions where my loyalty lies, you took my sister hostage. Didn’t matter if she wasn’t aware of it or not, but you did, and I’m here. I’m here, Jess.”

I was a fucking dichotomy.

Hard. Soft.

Angry. Hurting.

Jaded and wanting to have hope?

It was him. “You’re messing with my mind.”

“I’m not trying to, I swear to god. I’m just as messed up.”

But I was back in the studio, that night when he’d shown up.

How he’d touched me.

Kissed me.

I could feel him against me again. His hands on me. Tasting me. When he lifted me up on the counter, when he filled me.

I was remembering every moment between us, and my body was heating again.

I wanted him, but I couldn’t have him. What the hell do I do, then?

I had to quit. Soon. Yes. Decision made. I’d have to quit working at the club, and I was beyond needing to do that. I’d been ridiculously stupid for not leaving, but then that would be it. No Trace. There’d be no reason after that.

I took him in, seeing his hair was mussed. Bags under his eyes, but he was here, and he was watching me back, and I just wanted him again.

One last night? Could I stop after tonight?

I didn’t have the willpower to walk from him, not yet. But I would. I had to, or I’d be ruined.

I gazed around, trying to remember what I’d been doing before he showed up. “Do you—uh, do you want something to drink?”

He came up behind me. I could feel his body heat. “Hey.” Always so gentle with me. “Look at me.”

I shook my head, pulling away. “I can’t. I do and I’ll lose it.”

“You want me to go?”

I should’ve. “No,” I whispered instead.

There. That was that. I guess I decided.

I didn’t say anything else, going down the hallway to my room. He followed me and stood in the doorway as I moved around my room. He watched me change out of my clothes and pull on a sleeping tank and my underwear. I didn’t sleep in anything else. I moved into the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, he wasn’t in the doorway.

A light went off in my apartment. Another. And another. He was turning all the lights off. I heard him check the door, and then he was coming back. He saw me waiting for him and paused in the doorway, reaching out. The hallway light was turned off, and he came inside, a soft sigh leaving his mouth.

We didn’t speak.

I don’t know why. Maybe because there was nothing to be said. Or we’d said it all so much, but we were still not doing what we knew we needed to do, and what do you say about that? Nothing. The body was choosing, and I could not make myself kick him out. I was aching inside, my chest literally hurting from the thought.

He moved past me, his hand touching my hip, grazing over my back, as he went into the bathroom.

He closed the door, and I stood there, listening to him, liking the sound of him in my bathroom. Liking this feeling of waiting for him, knowing he wasn’t leaving tonight.