A Debt Owed(40)

I shake my head and look away. I don’t want to see anyone right now, not even Jill. All I want is to be left alone, but she won’t let me. Of course not, not after I decided I was going to jump out the window. They’ll think twice before letting me out of their sight. Fuck. I should’ve thought of all this sooner and figured out a better plan.

“Do you hate it here that much?” Jill suddenly asks as she runs a sponge along my arms. When she reaches my hand, I pull back.

“I’m a prisoner,” I reply. “No one ever wants to have their freedom taken away.”

She bites her lip and continues to wash me despite my hesitance to open up to her. She’s his assistant, after all. She likes him, obeys him … can I even trust her? I have so many questions, and she’s the only one I can ask.

“Do you think he’ll punish me for trying to escape?”

She mulls it over for a few seconds while narrowing her eyes. “I don’t think so.” She pauses. “But he is mad at you, that I do know.”

I sigh out loud.

“Don’t worry. He’s not as cruel as you may think.”

“Right …” I reply.

She keeps glorifying him as if he’s so great, but she’s seen what he’s capable of too. Why does she think that’s all okay? Doesn’t she see the darkness in him?

“What about you? Why do you even help him do all of this? What do you gain?”

She sighs but smiles, nonetheless. “Mr. Van Buren helped me when I was in a tough position. I had nowhere to go, no one to ask for help, and he … took me in, and gave me a job and a place to stay. I owe him my life.” She clears her throat, and her cheeks flush a little. “If I have to be honest, I’m a little jealous of you.”

I frown as she starts to clean my nails. “Why? Who on earth would anyone ever want to be forced to marry a man?”

“I’m sorry, that was rude of me,” she murmurs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I just mean that I’m very lucky he gave me a job. Mr. Van Buren can be nice if you let him.” She’s beaming as if someone lit her up and sent her off in a freaking air balloon. That kinda happy.

I narrow my eyes. Is she … in love with him?

“Well, anyway, don’t mind me,” she says, brushing her thoughts off as she grabs a towel. “I’m only an assistant trying to do her best. And if you’d let me, I can be of great help to you.”

“Right …” I mutter, getting up.

“Just don’t ever think about trying to escape again,” she adds jokingly, but I don’t find it funny at all.

“Don’t you feel bad about any of this?” I ask as she drapes the towel around me.

“I always try to see the good side of things. And Mr. Van Buren has many. It just takes him a while to show them,” she says, nodding. “But if you give him time, he’ll show his true colors. Trust me, you’ll warm up to him in no time, I promise.”

I find that hard to believe. In fact, she sounds pretty much delusional to me. “Is he keeping you captive here too or something?” I ask as I get out of the tub and dry myself off.

She laughs out loud. “No, of course not, silly.”

“But you’re never allowed off the property, right?”

“I work for him 24/7. I can go off the property but not much.”

“Then you’re as much a prisoner as I am,” I retort.

“Oh, no. Mr. Van Buren views me as his most trusted assistant. It’s why I told him you escaped.” She tries to swallow those last words, but it’s too late. The awkward silent stare we share feels as if it lasts an eternity, like lightning prickling all around us.

“I-I …” she mutters.

“Don’t,” I say, snatching the second towel from her hands so I can wrap it around my head. “Just don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” She looks down at her feet as if she’s unable to look me in the eyes. “Please, don’t make me choose. It isn’t fair.”

As I walk past her, I whisper into her ear, “Life’s not fair.”

I sink down onto my bed and cocoon myself in the blanket, hiding beneath the fabric so I can be alone for a little while. I can hear her shuffle around the room, probably cleaning up after herself or trying to cover up my crimes … I don’t care. If she hadn’t come into my room and screeched her lungs out, maybe I could’ve gotten to that gate before those assholes grabbed me. I’d be free by now.

Instead, I’m stuck here because she did what she thought she needed to do … choose him.

It’s always him.

Everywhere I go, everything I do … it all revolves around him, and he knows it. He probably revels in it too. I wonder if he’s going to punish me for what I did. If he’ll punish her too for not stopping me in time.

A sudden click of the door alerts me to the fact she’s left the room, so I lower my blanket to confirm. Finally, I’m alone. The first thing I do is check the windows. Of course, they’re all locked again, and the bobby pin has disappeared. She must’ve found it and took it with her. Dammit.

I roll back onto the bed and gaze at the ceiling, wondering if there will ever be another chance or if that was my last … and if I’ll always feel this alone.