A Dawn of Onyx (The Sacred Stones, #1)(45)

I was furious with the man. So, so furious. But I also wanted to lick his neck. It was complicated.

Our horse sidestepped quickly to avoid a fallen log, and Kane’s hand splayed tightly against my stomach to hold me in place against him. His pinky just barely grazed my lower stomach, but I felt the sensation in my core, and a deep need grew within me. Kane’s chest expanded, and he let out a shaky breath before removing his hand, as if my thin, wet chemise was soaked in fire.

Thankfully, we reached the castle soon after, and Kane dismounted faster than I’d ever seen the man do anything, and we had quite literally just been sprinting. I thought he might have adjusted himself while I got down from the horse, but I averted my eyes.

“Well, thanks,” I said, and turned on my heel to head into the keep.

“Arwen,” he called after me. “Wait!”

I tried to will the red from my cheeks, before peeking behind me, only to see that he was bringing me my boots. My eyes fell to my bare toes.

“I don’t think you meant to go in there barefoot, but I know better than to tell you what to do.”

“Thank you.” A thought struck me, my head now clear from whatever had clouded it on our ride. “I didn’t get to ask you my question.”

Amusement flashed in his silver eyes. “I thought you might have forgotten. Go ahead.”

There were so many things I could ask. Why did you declare war in the first place? Why was Griffin upset with you today? Who were you talking to in the dungeon that first night? For someone that has an entire kingdom to take care of, you are supremely selfish. I guess that last one wasn’t a question.

But what I really wanted to know toppled out of my mouth like a rock rolling down a mountainside.

“Why do you allow everyone—your own subjects, those across all of Evendell—to think you are such a monster?”

Kane’s brows shot up in surprise. “You don’t think that anymore?”

I answered honestly. “I’m not sure, but you definitely play into the persona.”

His jaw ticked, but his eyes were thoughtful, not angry. He sighed, looking toward the now cloudy sky above us. Then his eyes dropped down to me.

“Most of the rumors I’d imagine you’ve heard about me are true. I don’t allow vulnerability to get in the way of my duties.”

For some reason, his words were like a slap. “So, you see compromise, mercy, love… as vulnerability? Weakness?”

He seemed to be trying very hard not to roll his eyes. His jaw tensed. “Yes, actually. Kings who are ruled by emotion make decisions that hurt their people. My only job is to keep my kingdom safe.”

“King Gareth is a kind and just king,” I said, lifting my chin. “He keeps his people safe and is always merciful. He allows them a choice.”

Kane’s jaw hardened. “I’ve never forced my people to join my army.”

My protest went stale in my mouth. But he continued, stepping close enough that a single breath separated us.

“And does he keep his people safe?” His eyes seared into mine. “You’re here, aren’t you? A captive of his greatest enemy. Gareth is a sniveling worm.”

I fisted my hands at my sides. “You are needlessly cruel.”

He stepped back, an unkind laugh escaping him. “There’s just so much you don’t know.”

“Then tell me.”

He sighed, but when his eyes found mine again, they looked almost wounded. “How many times do I have to tell you—I can’t.”

I clenched my jaw. “I guess trust is another one of those pesky weaknesses you don’t like to indulge in.”

My heart raged in my chest. What was I doing? Standing out here, arguing with him once again? Taking his secrecy personally? He didn’t owe me anything.

I needed serious help.

I stormed off toward the keep and tried not to feel anything when he didn’t call after me.

***

My stomach made a gurgling sound as I took the stairs two at a time to meet Mari in the great hall. The castle was eerily beautiful at night, faint music and the hum of suppertime chatter floating through the halls. I hadn’t eaten anything since returning from the Shadow Woods last night, opting instead to crawl into bed and drown out my thoughts in a restless sleep. And a fidgety morning. And anxious afternoon—

It was evening now, and I was starving.

“I finally found a book on Faeries, but it was all children’s stories,” Mari huffed, blowing one red curl out of her face once I had caught up to her in line for dinner. She was fascinated with Fae lore, but there was very little reading material on the beings. Some books claimed the creatures were a myth altogether. Mari wasn’t sure yet.

“Why not go back to your research on witches? I thought you were enjoying that. Dagan should have that grimoire translated soon, right?” Maybe he could help me get the burrowroot on the night of the eclipse. He seemed willing to help Mari, and he was kind enough to teach me sword fighting.

I stepped aside, allowing a group of handsome young soldiers to bypass us. Mari looked lovely in her blue dress and black Onyx bow. Each of the young men eyed her thoroughly, but Mari didn’t seem to notice.

She only rolled her eyes at me. “Witches are far less interesting. Everything we think we know about the Fae—the wings, the pointed ears, the claws—might not even be accurate. The fact that I can’t find a single definitive text is making me bonkers. Witches are just women who can master a few spells. It’s boring, honestly.” She chewed her lip.