A Cliché Christmas(49)
The bells chimed as I stepped inside the bookstore. Violet looked both surprised and pleased to see me.
“Well, I hoped I would see you back in here before Christmas. It was a great show last night. Hope there was a lot of money raised. The place was packed.”
I nodded. “Thanks. I don’t know the final figures, but I think it will be a good-size check.”
Violet pulled her glasses off and studied my face. “You all right?”
“Not exactly, but I do want to have that debate—the one I promised you. About Little Women.”
Her mouth curled into a half smile. “Sounds like you’ve put some thought into this.”
I swallowed. Not enough, apparently. “Yes.”
“Okay, then. You start. Tell me why Laurie and Jo were wrong for each other. What did Louisa May Alcott know that we don’t?”
Easy. “They were too similar. Hot-tempered, stubborn, passionate. Not to mention there was way too much history between them. Sometimes starting over is the best thing we can do for ourselves, and Jo did that with the professor.”
“Yes, and he was a bore! Sure, opposites attract, but sometimes the only way to understand who we are is to see ourselves through the eyes of someone just like us. Laurie and Jo had an understanding. They had a unique bond—one that is difficult to find in friendship, much less in love. And history? Tell me, if you were given the chance to watch the love of your life grow up, share in his memories, learn his family dynamics, wouldn’t you take it? No matter when love begins, history is only a step behind us—always.”
I bit the insides of my cheeks, thinking. “Then why did Jo turn him down? Why did she say no to his proposal?”
My head throbbed with the quiet tick of the clock.
“Why don’t you tell me,” said Violet.
I stared at the stain on the carpet. “I don’t know.”
She chuckled. “Georgia, I’ve been married to my best friend for thirty-eight years. I’ve learned a few things about love and regret in that time.”
Sliding my gaze up to hers, I watched her lean over the counter as if to tell me a secret. “Fear is love’s greatest opposition. Now . . . what are you afraid of?”
The ache in my chest suddenly ignited, singeing the edges of carefully wrapped truths and melting layers of old hurts. “I should get going. Thank you again for the discounted book, Violet.”
“Georgia?”
Two steps from the door, I turned. “Yes?”
“I married my Laurie . . . and it was the best decision of my life.”
My hair was up, my sweats were on, and I was eating through my second box of Cocoa Puffs. Apparently, I didn’t need a storm warning to create a new stockpile.
“Come with me, Georgia. I don’t want you to be alone tonight.”
“I’m not, Nan. I have Mary Higgins Clark to keep me company.”
She scowled. “That doesn’t seem like appropriate reading on Christmas Eve.”
“Well, I live Christmas Eve eleven months out of the year. I’ll be fine.”
Nan didn’t move an inch.
“Go, Nan. Eddy needs you.”
Her shoulders sagged with her exhale. “I’m sorry, Georgia.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re a good friend. Eddy is lucky to have you, and you’re lucky to have her.”
I was pulling another handful of cereal from the box when I saw the tears falling from her eyes.
“Not about that.” She waved her hand in the air. “About your mother. When your grandpa died . . . a part of me did, too. The holidays became so painful for me. He was the king of tradition and Christmas spirit, so I guess that when your mom acted indifferent toward the whole thing, I was kind of relieved. I just wanted to fill time, to spend the season helping others. But I’m afraid it came at a greater price than I realized. I didn’t think enough about the little girl in my own house. I won’t make excuses for your mother, Georgia, but whatever part my decisions have played in your hurt . . . I’m truly sorry.”
The handful of Cocoa Puffs plinked onto the hardwood as I stumbled to my feet and flung my arms around her. I’d never seen her so exposed or so vulnerable.
“Nan. I could never be upset with you. I don’t blame you for anything.” Then I squeezed her tighter. “I wish I could stay.” I wasn’t ready to leave her again.
“I know, darlin’. I know. I wanted that, too.”
Nan pressed a kiss to my forehead and made me promise I’d join her at Eddy’s if I started to feel lonely. Little did she know that Lonely and I had coexisted inside my world for as long as I could remember. Life was no different on the holidays.
“I’ll be back late, but we can do Christmas breakfast together, okay?”
“Okay.” I smiled. “But Nan . . . I did get you a gift this year. So you’d better prepare yourself now, all right?”
She shook her head and chuckled. “I suppose.”
That was as good as I would get on that particular point, no matter how sentimental she was feeling tonight.
Snuggling into the sofa, I picked up my latest mystery novel and let my eyes drift over the words and paragraphs, pages and chapters. I didn’t comprehend a single phrase.
At a quarter to nine, I decided I needed a walk.